you just don't look up

It was a cold morning, but all mornings were cold this time of year. Ries had a difficult time opening his eyes, tiredness dragging him back under wave after wave of sleep. He was warm and comfortable in the cranny he'd tucked himself into, curled into a sort of donut shape, tail over nose.

Eventually, though, he stirred. Stretched. Stood. Part of him still wanted to curl back up and sleep the day away, but Ries shook it away decisively, blinking back the itching tiredness from his eyes.

Once he started moving, though, energy returned to him and warmed his body. He had been wanting to seek @Belenus out over the past couple of days, but hadn't wanted to overwhelm the man, instead letting him have the time and space to get used to the terrain this new home of his held.

But he had waited long enough. He'd set out to find him, but that was easier said than done among the peaks. Ries stopped by a small stream eventually to lap up some of the cool water, soothing his dry mouth, giving himself a bit of reprieve before starting up the search again. If he were extra lucky, perhaps the wolf he was searching for would run into him, instead.

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Another sleepless night. It seemed every time he so much as closed his eyes, he remembered. Who he was, how blood stained his teeth, his chest. Of a battlefield, its battle long concluded. Rot amidst the snow. So, he focused mostly on learning this new land of his. He’d started in the lower reaches of the mountain, weaving through the tall trunks of trees far older than he, far older than he’d ever be. He’d carried on when the forest became less quiet contemplation and more a vigorous pursuit, something engaging in his hindbrain to make him flee for the wider spaces. Perhaps it was a life that had always been flat and open, but Belenus was not fond of the density of a forest, he’d found. So, up he went. Through the lower regions of the mountain.

He’d found a pool, at one point, and taken a moment to stare at himself. The same scar on his chin. The same tired eyes. Unruly fur, an expression that looked both utterly exhausted and deeply irritated. Only one of those he could fix, so he’d taken a dip. Quicker than he was sure was recommended for someone so long without, but it was cold, and he wasn’t of a mind to freeze his bits off. He jogged the rest of the night, and come morning, his coat had dried almost completely. He felt dead exhausted, but sleeping now was allowing the nightmares to win.

He pressed forward, it’s what he was good at. The rocks turned to water quicker than he thought, and he pulled his paws back from a small stream. It babbled at him, as though angry he’d stepped in it, and he turned to follow it. Maybe at one point, it would lead him somewhere new.

Of course, what he found was a splash of familiar colors in his peripheral. Belenus raised his eyes and his head from following the stream, halting in place.

“Ries.” He started, then stopped. It was early, and he’d been rather isolated from his new groupmates. He crooked his tail into an awkward wag.

“Good morning.”

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The sound of his name had Ries' ears perking and his tail set to a wag immediately. He turned around to face his new friend, smile already placed upon his maw.

"Belenus!" he greeted in return, trotting over to him and stopping just short. He had half a mind to press alongside him like he would with Runar or Katja, but he didn't know how the sudden contact would be received, and so instead he held back. It was clear in his body language, though, that he was quite happy to see the other man.

"Good morning!" he echoed, remembering his manners. "I was looking for you, actually."

Breezing past the why of it, Ries let his eyes scan over Belenus. He looked a little different - his fur less messy, more neat. His expression brightened a little more and he felt his cheeks warm just a touch. "You look good! Have you been settling in well? I was trying to give you some space to, you know, do that, but I figured it'd been long enough."

And I wanted to see you, he almost said, but refrained. A more discerning eye would notice the eagerness in his expression and body language, though.

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Ries moved easily to stand near to him, and Belenus cocked his head some to look at him like a bird, with mostly one eye. Then, he chuffed, straightened his face, and tried not to look too overeager. He’d been looking for him. He reached up to paw at his ear for a moment in bashfulness. No one ever looked for him specifically, had taken to him so readily.

“I figured I should bathe.” Was his answer, fighting the urge to do more than sweep his tail at his haunches. Did he really look good? Him, with the rumpled fur and scarred body? He supposed he would believe Ries when he said it, despite the burn in his cheeks.

“I have. I’ve been at the base of the mountain, working my way up to familiarize myself. The forest is beautiful.” If not stifling, but outside his own fear, Belenus could recognize it was a beautiful place.

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Had he just bathed? Was that all? Ries could have sworn something had changed, though maybe it was just that the Belenus he was looking at right now was far more expressive and less... empty-shell-like than the Belenus he'd met several days ago. The Belenus that had him worried.

This Belenus did not seem like someone Ries needed to be overly concerned about, and that was a vast improvement. It put a warmth in Ries' chest, made him feel good inside. Like maybe he'd done something worthwhile.

"Well, you look nice. Whatever you did worked," Ries said, padding around the other man, unable to sit perfectly still no matter how hard he'd tried. There was a lightness to his step now where he'd been a bit sore and tired upon wakening - none of that lingered now.

The compliment to his homeland sent another wave of warmth to his face and brightened his grin. "I like the forests, too," he agreed. "It's good to go slow, and be careful. The slopes are a little slippery, so." One wrong move and you were in for a nasty tumble

And now for what Ries had sought him for in the first place...

"Could you... do me a favor?" he asked, voice taking on a more uncertain tone. He wasn't sure if this was an appropriate thing to ask someone, or if he was overstepping, but ever since Belenus had joined, he'd been thinking about it.

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Belenus watched Ries walk circles around him until his head spun. He steadied his head before he gave himself motion sickness, mostly turning to look when the man crossed right in front of him. He huffed a chuckle.

“I was..transient, before. Hadn’t had a chance to chew through the knots.” He’d gone out covered in blood, perhaps he should just be grateful he hadn’t met his new friend like that. It wouldn’t have been the best of impressions.

“I had a moment where I thought I’d slip. Your brother wasn’t kidding.” It had been mostly in ice filled mud, but he’d been fine after a moment of sprawl legged hunching. His center of gravity was good for something.

Talk of a favor. His mouth twitched, brow lightly knitting as he turned his head to look at the man standing to his side. A favor had never been a good thing before, a secret mission, a request to haze one of the youngers. And he’d never actually held any capital in the end. He was just their dog, and dogs needed nothing more than scraps from the floor as food and the blood of those they fought as water.

“What kind of favor?” He fought off the wary edge to his voice, but was unable to silence that screaming voice in his head. This place, this mountainous dream he didn’t want to wake up from, was not like that. It couldn’t be, if it had spawned Ries from its rocky womb.

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Sometimes he didn't quite know what Belenus meant. Transient? Perhaps he'd meant when he'd woken up. Ries knew very little - nothing, actually - about who Belenus was before, or how he'd gotten there, or why he was so shaken up. It didn't matter, really, did it? Belenus could have been a murderer or a saint or just your average guy, and yet he'd done nothing to make Ries feel uncomfortable or unsafe. He'd been kind.

Wasn't that all that mattered?

"I slip all the time," Ries assured with a wink. "And I've lived here for a good part of my life." Not all of it, as some of his siblings had, but about half in total.

Belenus prompted him and he was all too eager to answer. "You said you know how to fight," he began, ears swiveling sideways, face heated with a less pleasant type of blush. "I was wondering if you'd be willing to teach me." And then, rushed, not wanting Belenus to think he'd receive nothing in return, Ries tacked on, "And I could teach you to hunt! So. It's more a trade than a favor, I guess?"

His skin prickled in embarrassment beneath his fur and his tail lowered a bit, though his eyes were still hopeful as he waited for a response. "And you can say no," he assured. "I won't be offended or anything if you'd rather not."

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Ries wanted to know how to fight, and have Belenus teach him.

He remembered how he had been taught. Plucked from a line, laughed at, called many things (macer — skinny, mus — rat). He was a mockery, meant as an example. The next hours he’d been swept off his feet, nose forced into the dirt more times than he could count, dragged to and fro across the hot sand of an arena. It was by some grace he’d not been slaughtered. He was lucky he hadn’t been. He’d seen plenty of others who’d been, flayed, their necks open to the sun. He didn’t know how to fight like anything more than a desperate animal, struggling to survive.

But he’d been taught at some point. So he could learn to teach.

“A trade?” He questioned, trying not to let any of his nerves touch his face. Would he hurt him? Would that red eyed beast take over, make him feel like he was going to die any moment? Would that beast take Ries too, send them both into a fistfight they wouldn’t walk away from? Worries swarmed like crows to a battlefield, swooping in his gut, and he ground his teeth together until he could open his mouth again, and pretend he wasn’t drowning.

“Sounds like a deal. I wasn’t taught anywhere formal, so I don’t know how good of a teacher I am.” First and foremost, Belenus was a dog to be sicced on whoever his masters gestured to.

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Ries had never had any real reason to fight. Another thing about him that might disappoint his mother, he'd always thought, though perhaps not the most prevalent one. It hadn't been a topic of interest for him, smaller than many of his siblings and more suited to run and run and run and never stop.

He was a diplomat. A hunter. A scout. A traveler.

Not a fighter.

But it would be good to learn the basics, at least. Just in case he were to run into an unsavory type out in the wild, or if he should have to fight with another predator. It would be a good skill to have.

"That's okay!" he assured, taking a few steps back and wagging his tail, a bit more excited now that he hadn't been denied. "I'm the one asking so it'd be rude of me to judge your teaching skills. I'm sure you're better than you think you are."

He dropped into a play bow, chest to the ground, tail swishing. "So," he began, "How're we gonna do this?" A game, he assumed. This was going to be fun.

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It was almost infectious, his urge to have fun with it. Belenus almost let himself be swept away with it, succumbing to the tide with ease. But he just couldn't. He couldn’t treat it as a game, not yet, not with war etched into his skin, the backs of his eyelids, his very personality. He’d seen young men much like Ries, treating the battlefield like it was war games. He’d seen their blank eyes after the battles were over, staring empty of life at the sky.

Belenus sighed, lowering to rest his haunches against the ground. With an air of a soldier removing their greaves, he spoke.

“Before we do anything, before I even teach you one motion, I need you to understand something. Gods forbid you ever need it.” His voice was grave, the air of a man more used to being weapon than person.

“I was a soldier, like I told your brother. I have seen the ends of the earth, horrors, bloodbaths that never end. I could not leave. But you can.” He dragged in a deep breath, making sure to make unbreaking eye contact.

“If you feel like the fight is unjust. If you feel like you will not win. If you doubt even for a single second that your strategy is sound. If your opponent seems even a little more prepared. You turn, and you run. Risking your neck will get you nowhere. You don’t fight for glory. You don’t fight for offensive words. You fight for family, for your home, but never to show off. That is when you are no longer fighting, but asking to die.” If he could save this bright man from even a second of pain, he’d take every chance to do so.

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Very suddenly, Belenus seemed tired, as though he'd aged years in mere moments. He was strict as he spoke, but Ries did not feel chastised. It wasn't a surprise to him that Belenus had seen awful things - the way the other man had woken up, listless, had spelled that out plenty.

But assuming and being told were two different things. Ries felt the weight of the words as though Belenus had lain his own armor over his shoulders.

He settled with his friend and absorbed the information, golden eyes attentive and focused. This was not the time for jokes, or for lightening the mood. This was something necessary and delicate and Ries felt grateful to be confided in in such a way.

Ries had never been a fighter. Ira had preferred them, he knew - paladins and warriors, - but Ries was just... well, he wasn't quite sure, exactly. But he certainly fell short of those expectations, smaller and weaker and less willing to act than the rest.

He could not fight. But he could listen. He could empathize, even if he didn't quite understand the gravity of the situation.

"I think you're wrong about one thing," he began after several long, contemplative moments. A tentative smile, hoping he was choosing the right words, that he wasn't about to ruin the trust that had been placed in him. "You said that you couldn't leave. That it would never end. And maybe... part of that is true." Others were always fighting battles in their heads, and Belenus seemed to have a fair few that weighed him down, but they were not on a battlefield. They were not in the midst of a bloodbath. There was just the quiet mountain above and the peaceful meadows below, and Belenus' eyes looked like twin suns among blue skies.

"But," he continued, still careful, "I think... things could be different, now. Better. If you'd let them." His heart was throbbing in his chest, strangely nervous, afraid that he might've chosen the wrong words for the situation. "I promise to leave if a fight seems like too much for me. I'm not asking you to teach me because I think I'll need it. You don't even have to teach me if it's... too much. I was just asking because I wanted to spend time with you."

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He..blinked.

Then, he wheezed a faint little laugh. It wasn’t a mean laugh, or even a happy one. It was merely an expression of some form of relief. Perhaps bitter, but sweet in its own way. Like dark chocolate, coating his throat. He lowered his head to drag his paw down his face, the motion like a man wiping his eyes.

“I couldn’t leave it behind before. But I..can try to believe you. I can try to leave it behind now.” It wasn’t healed. It never would be. He didn’t even believe his own words. Perhaps it was half placating, a desire to please. Perhaps he’d never slipped that leash, just traded who held it. He dragged his head back out from under his paw, raising it back to normal height. He dipped his head after a moment, half an acknowledgment.

“Thats all I needed to hear. I’ve seen many men, many good men that I knew well, that I had worked with and marched beside, die to their egos. I don’t want to see you, see anyone become another one of those men.” He couldn’t handle it. Never again to look into the eyes of those he loved, and know they weren’t there anymore. Belenus sighed, stretching, then moved to his feet.

“Well. This seems as good a ring as any.” He began to walk a short distance away, but not before looking over his shoulder with a half grin.

“If you’re going to learn from anyone, it may as well be me.” Taking a spear, and throwing it to a companion before a spar. The fastest way he’d ever found to build camaraderie, and the only way he’d ever known.

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Ries received a laugh for his efforts, but it didn't sound like a normal laugh. Not one that you would receive if you said something funny. Belenus was hard to understand, in that way. A lot about him didn't make sense, but Ries was invested enough to put in the effort.

A small smile formed on his face, warmer, gentler. "I wanna try and help you. If that's okay," he said, tentatively. "I don't think I... understand. Not everything. But I wanna try."

"I've never fought before. Play fights, sure, but never real. I don't have much of an ego to die to," he admitted with a sheepish shrug. "But I can promise that I won't try anything I don't think I can handle." If anything, he didn't want to add to the wounds Belenus was carrying. Besides, picking a fight with a stronger wolf seemed a ridiculous way to go, biting off more than he could chew. He was far more likely to die slipping off a cliff, but he wouldn't say that out loud.

Belenus stood and walked away, shooting him a grin that made heat rise to Ries' cheeks. His tail wagged again and he stepped forward, after him. Clumsy, fumbling, he'd catch the metaphorical spear, ready to go.

"Alright," he invited, body language open, willing. "Teach me."

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It was the intricate weave of a shroud falling over his vision. His body language tightened, a shield coming over his face. The one two tap of fingers against a helmet before the face guard goes down. Belenus stared hard at the trees, before he turned to face Ries. Eyes the color of a cloudless sky burned with the intensity of the sun itself, prodding every weakness he could find. He squared his stance for a moment, considering.

How had he learned to fight? How had he watched others be taught? What would be the most important things to teach Ries?

“Lesson one.” He rumbled low, like roaring thunder.

“I want you to look me over. Determine what way would be best. And try to land a hit. I won’t do anything more than dodge. Think of me like a particularly bendy tree.” With the mental crack of a sword meeting the front of a shield, Belenus nodded to Ries.

“Three. Two. One.” He dug his claws into the ground, taking metaphorical root. Never once did he look away.

“Begin!”

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It felt as though the mood had shifted. Ries paused momentarily as Belenus' eyes steeled and combed him over, making him feel self conscious. But this was a necessary thing, he reminded himself. This was part of it.

He was supposed to be doing the same.

An image popped into his mind of Belenus trying to chase after the deer they'd been hunting, and his eyes lingered on that hind leg for just a moment before they flickered away, back to Belenus' face. Perhaps he could treat this like a hunt. Go for the weak spots.

Not that he knew for a fact that that was a weak spot. Maybe it was better by now. But it was probably his best bet.

Begin!

Ries began a slow circle around the other man, picturing him as a deer with a lame leg. And the deer knew he was there, too, which was a whole different thing than he was used to, but it was what it was.

Springing forward suddenly, Ries would go for the leg that had crumbled during their hunt, aiming to knock it out from under him. No teeth, but simply from the weight of his body.

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He watched him. Belenus hung his head between his front legs, fighting the urge to stiffen his tail out behind him. This wasn’t meant for intimidation, this was teaching. Even if he’d never been a very good teacher. Not that he’d ever had much of an opportunity, sure, but this was just proving to him he didn’t have the stuff for it.

But he’d learn.

His eyes watched Ries’s, saw those gold eyes fall to his back leg, and smiled to himself. Good, he’d remembered. Even if his strain had mostly fixed itself, it was a good means of sussing him out. He waited, watching, until the other man was almost atop him, before he pivoted out of the way. He felt the brief clip of a shoulder against his hip, drawing a little grunt from his lips. Damn, he was rusty.

“Good.” Rose his brief praise, tail beginning to wag.

“You remembered my leg. Observation is half the battle, if you can identify your opponent’s weaknesses beforehand you have the upper hand. Makes dispatching easy.” But now came his criticism, and he gestured the way Ries had come.

“You have good instinct, but you telegraphed your movement. I knew what you were going to do, and what I was before you ever moved. A fight is thinking two steps ahead of your opponent. A more subtle approach is best. Such as-” Now he lunged, ducking low to try and shove his shoulder against Ries's ribs. Not enough to hurt, being his intention, but just a little shove sideways.

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His attack was not particularly successful, but that was fine. Ries hadn't been expecting to come out the gates and be a perfect fighter. Belenus was very much not a deer, and Ries didn't think he'd go down as easily as one, but it'd been worth a shot.

The praise sent a wave of warmth to his cheeks, scarlet under his fur.

"You don't really show it," he said, straightening up a little with a wag of his tail, guard entirely down. "I just remembered from the other day, but I figured it was probably kind of similar to picking out weak spots in hunting?"

His guard was so down, in fact, that he was caught entirely by surprise when Belenus lunged and shouldered his ribs. It didn't hurt, thankfully, but it did send him flopping onto his side, golden eyes wide and owlish as he blinked up at the other man.

A laugh escaped him, then, and his tail thumped on the ground. "I think I see what you mean," he said, amused. "So, don't give myself away with my eyes or body language, then?"

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A flash of guilt brought his ears low, and he winced at the way Ries hit the ground. But the man seemed to be in good enough spirits, so Belenus padded that small bit closer, enough to block out the light if he shuffled a certain way.

“It is like picking out the weak member of the herd, but unlike hunting, your opponent is sizing you up too. I watched your eyes. Side glances are good, using your peripherals is better. You can fake out your opponent if you feel you are smarter than they are, and you believe you’re faster.” He tried to explain, before the guilt gnawing at his stomach prompted another question.

“Are you alright? Didn’t hit the ground too hard?” It wouldn’t do to injure the leader of the pack’s brother so soon after he’d been accepted. And, of course, he did enjoy Ries’s company. That part too.

“Do you want to continue? Try again? Quit for the day?” He couldn’t help fussing, just a little. This was the first friend he’d had in a very long while, and he’d much like to keep him intact.

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Ries looked up at the man, but made no attempt to stand. The ground was pretty comfortable, actually, thank you very much. And, like he'd said before, he had very little ego to die to.

Side eyes. Peripherals. That made sense - it wouldn't be necessary with a prey item, but another predator would likely be watching just as closely as Ries was, himself.

Brows drew together at the fussing, and Ries gave a soft snort, laughter bubbling up in his chest. "You'd have to hit me harder than that. Runar's bear hugs are more violent," he teased. If anything, Belenus looked more shaken up than Ries was over the ordeal.

He made to stand up and shake off his fur. "But yeah," he continued. "Might be good to stop for the day. Wouldn't wanna overdo it-" And on the last word, Ries would attempt to this time wedge himself underneath Belenus and try and toss him off balance, pushing his legs straight beneath him.

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His fussing came from a good place, but he gave a good natured huff to the thought he’d have to hit harder.

“I would prefer to not hit you at all.” He knew he had to for sparring to actually work, but it wasn’t a favorite pastime of his. Once a means for survival, now a way to teach a friend to do the same. Belenus’s ears wilted back in the same motion of Ries standing, speaking. And he looked away for just a moment.

It was a fatal mistake. Ries shoved into his side from his undercarriage, and Belenus’s breath wheezed out from the center of his chest. But, he was rather quick on the uptake, and while he knew he was going down, he attempted to hook his front legs around Ries’s torso, and use the momentum to flip him over as well. Half suplex, half judo flip.

He wasn’t going to go down alone, if he could help it.

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He did not think this through.

Legs wrapped around him and the world tipped and everything went upside down. Or maybe Ries went upside down. The point is that for a second, the mountain and sky were beneath him and the ground above and Ries' stomach flipped with it.

He squeezed his eyes shut, bracing for impact with the dirt, and...

None came.

In fact, the landing was quite soft. Shockingly so. Ries peeled his eyes open and looked down at Belenus, whom he had accidentally used as a glorified cushion. For a moment, he was too startled to speak, eyes wide, and then the laughter came. Loud and from the belly, he couldn't help it - the situation was just so ridiculous and funny.

"You okay?" he asked, stifling little chuckles as he did, currently too busy laughing at the absurdity of the situation to be embarrassed. "I didn't mean to land on you!"

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Belenus also had not thought this through. Through his struggling to drag Ries with him, he forgot that he was quite possibly going to fall underneath him.

So when that did, indeed, happen, he wheezed as his back met the earth and the unexpected weight settled atop his stomach. He dropped his head back with a groan, that became a laugh after a moment. He raised one of his paws to pat at his face as the hysterical, wheezing chuckles came rolling in, no matter how much he tried to stop them. He hadn’t even considered that his yank of Ries would end with them both in the dirt, and he stared up at the sky for a moment until his laughter subsided into giggles. Belenus picked his head up to look at the man atop him.

“I didn’t think you would, that’s on me.” He rumbled in reply, though his chest still shook with repressed laughter. It was rather nice on the ground, his body finally remembering he had not, in fact, slept in the last while. But he was kept awake by the hum of adrenaline still in his blood, and by the rapidly rising knowledge that Ries was pretty much on top of him.

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To his delight, Belenus dissolved into a fit of laughter with him, uninjured and not angry in the slightest. Warmth flooded over Ries' entire body, pleasant and new, and he found himself looking perhaps a second too long at the way Belenus' eyes lit up when he laughed.

Huh. That was... different.

It also made him feel excessively awkward flopped on top of him like he was, cheeks warming as though he'd suddenly spiked a fever. So he rolled off of him, but lay on his side, facing the other man. "So... successful sneak attack?" he asked with a grin, tail thumping on the ground where he lay. The ultimate goal was to surprise him, after all, and from the looks of things he'd done that right.

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Ries rolled to one side, offering him a little quip as he did. Belenus snorted, still half hysterical from his giggles. The bubbly feeling was still there, like champagne in his very veins, but he didn’t mind it. It was a feeling he suddenly wanted to chase, but he didn’t even know where to follow it.

He rolled onto his side, leaning over slightly.

“Very good sneak attack. Full marks for you.” Belenus praised, reaching a paw over to gently shove against Ries’s shoulder in the same way a friend would good naturedly clap a hand on the shoulder.

“Even if we both ended up in the dirt.”

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A paw pressed to his shoulder, shoving lightly. Belenus was pleased with his sneak attack, which had a burst of pride springing into Ries' chest. He didn't think he'd ever have a need for the fighting, but this was fun, and he really, really enjoyed spending time with Belenus.

"The dirt's not a bad place to be," he argued, rolling onto his back to prove his point, the sun warming his belly. "Nice and comfortable."

Golden eyes flicked back over to the other man and he tilted his head to the side. "Would you be willing to teach me more, sometime?" he asked, a little hope creeping into his voice.

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