I need a breakthrough

Where there had once been storm clouds in the distance, now Tsukikage saw sun only half-hidden by the occasional cloud.

All of their limbs felt sore. They raised themself up to their legs with great effort, blinking repeatedly as their silver eyes adjusted to the light. He felt exposed upon realizing he was out in an open field, sticking out like a sore thumb with his dark pelt.

Normally, he'd never end up in such a situation.

But... he had no idea how he had gotten here. The last thing he remembered was sprinting silently through dense foliage. It didn't make sense that the climate and environment around him looked entirely different. But what could he do except take this disturbing event on the chin and move forward? Staying here and curling up into a ball wouldn't do him any good.

Swallowing and summoning up bravey, Tsukikage lifted his head from where it had been lowered, and took one tentative step forward.
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Is that her body?

Mangled, ripped, bleeding. The opposing warriors are relentless. Monstrous, even. Honoka watches them, tilting her head to one side. She's above them, but they don't see her. They see only the body that might have been hers, with fur so dark that blood might not show up properly. She thinks it's a rather disgusting body now, where it once might have been beautiful. Their teeth sink into it, ripping back dark fur to reveal brilliant pink flesh and wine-red blood. She hums softly. She sees nothing else now, where once she saw many things.

Before long, even her body fades into nothing. She gazes out into the infinite void, wondering if she succeeded. If she did, it would have all been worth it. Dying really isn't all that awful. She feels. Calm. Peaceful. Accepting. She thinks that when she told the Empress to run the other direction, she knew she was going to die. And that's fine. It was worth it, wasn't it? To die for a cause. To die for love.

Because here in the cold, she can admit it. She loved the Empress. And while it was never meant to be, Honoka can give her life here and be remembered forever for her sacrifice.

Then there is sunlight. Warmth. She shifts. She feels things now. She feels... A paw on her tail. It's painful, enough to make her head rise and her blue eyes open. This dusty terrain is not her home. She shifts her tail out from under the intrusive paw. "Excuse you," she says softly, with only a hint of teasing in her voice. She turns and gazes upon the face of a man she thinks she knew once.

But are they dead? She doesn't think this is the same as being dead. She remembers drifting, feeling nothing. She remembers softness. She twitches, then looks at her body. No scars. No marks. She is as if made new. "How peculiar. I wonder if it was all a dream." She gazes at the man. His name eludes her. "I'm sure it'll soon be forgotten then. No reason to dwell. Tell me, were you watching where you were walking?"

She doesn't know that she might have simply manifested here, underfoot, and the world itself doesn't work the way she thinks it does.
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Though Tsukikage had seen dead bodies, they had always been a distance. It had been over his shoulder as he had run. Or in the dark, any gore barely visible as his silver gaze quickly moved on. He hadn't ever wanted to look at it. Looking at it would have made it real, what he had done: in truth, he had abandoned others to that fate. But did it matter as long as he survived? They had never known themself to love or care for any other body. And as such, it fell to duty. And they knew their utmost charge was their own mortality, rather than anyone else's, in the event that no love or higher cause took their whims in a different direction.

They thought of the dead now because it could have been related to this. Maybe, he hadn't escaped as easily he thought... maybe he had, for once, been heard, and died there too.

Proof of this being that he'd just made a mistake he never would have in life: found himself with clumsy footing.

Surprised, Tsukikage looked at her and recognized her face. With the offending paw lifted, Tsukikage takes more care to place it not on her tail this time.

And even for someone as unbothered as Tsukikage, they have to admit that she took this all in better stride than even himself. “You have the right way of it, I believe.” He praised her then, feeling an inspiration from her laid-back attitude. Then, though, the male felt he had to comment on her familiar face. He had remembered now where he knew it from. When passing on messages of the enemy's movements directly to the nobles and royals, he'd seen her around. With that shared past between them, he spoke briefly in Japanese. “<...You're... a handmaiden.>” Tsukikage corrected himself a moment later, now back to the English she had spoken in before. “Were.”

Taking a few steps forward, their ear twitched as they listened to the grass sway in the wind. Then they sat down gracefully, inclining their head peacefully towards her to continue their conversation. “I wasn't watching as carefully as I should have, no. I'm more disquieted, but I appreciate your calmness about this all. Have you thought of it as maybe an afterlife instead?” They looked away from her to instead look over their surroundings a second time. “It's peaceful-looking. Not too bad.”
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The sound of Japanese floats through her ears, and she responds in kind. "Daijoubu desu ka — Are you all right??" The answer comes later, and she knows in an instant that this is one of the men from her clan. That explains the familiarity. She stands up, feeling muscles that were severed now being made whole. It's as if she was never killed. The suggestion of an afterlife? Perhaps.

"<The darkness was a transition,>" she muses, remaining in her native tongue. "<I was the Empress's handmaiden, yes. I do hope she made it.>" Now that she feels the sun on her face, it's harder to admit her reasons were for love. Particularly an unrequited love that would have never ended any other way. She should move on. She should think of her future.

But the future is uncertain. "<Oba Honoka,>" she says, "<and you... you were one of the spies, weren't you? Oh, your name eludes me. I am sorry, usually I'm better than this.>" She takes a deep breath of the plains air, feeling her body tremble. "<It feels so strange. A dream far gone. I almost don't remember the pain anymore. Surely such a lovely place as this, is reward for the goodness in our past life.>" She offers him a demure smile. "<But I'm sure you don't wish to hear me ramble.>"
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Tsukikage responded to the question with a nod, listening to her speech carefully. The way that she stood up had the same caution that Tsukikage held, and it made them feel less alone in this endeavor. They took a deep breath and felt more composed. “<I hope so too. It's good to see you again, Oba Honoka.>” They had never been close to Tsukikage's knowledge, or at least it wasn't coming to him, the memories of her. But even still, they could know each other better now: they had ended up in the same situation, lost and confused. “<Itō Tsukikage.>” He offered his name to jog her own memory.

She talked about pain. Tsukikage did not remember feeling any, except perhaps for the strain in his lungs and ribs. Only the usual soreness. They didn't want to admit their desertion, though... maybe, it was better to always leave it unspoken. That put a damper on the theory that this could be a reward... why would they be rewarded for such a dishonorable end? “<Maybe it's better to forget the pain, at least.>” They sighed. Honoka offered him a smile then, and he, with some effort, managed to return it. “<I don't mind rambling. Communication is important. I was a messenger, too. I should know.>” The words they offered were meant as kindness, a reassuring.
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If she knew, she'd think it funny that the delicate handmaiden took the hero's end, while the bold messenger took the coward's route. But she doesn't know, and there's no sense of knowledge in those powder-blue eyes. Instead, she sighs dreamily and stretches out her newly replaced muscles. "<Itō. I believe I recall that family.>" It was her job to memorize pointless things, to whisper them to the Empress whenever the great woman forgot. "<Itō-san. I won't forget that now.>"

She shrugs her shoulders. "<I don't know if I care much either way. I only wish to know that my sacrifice was for the greater good. That the Empress and her children survived.>" She glances towards the horizon. "<But I suppose the only way to discover that is to find others. And this seems a mighty large place. I take it you've just woken up as well, so you wouldn't know where to find the others.>"

For once, her voice turns towards sorrow. "<I am fine with being dead so long as it was for a purpose. But what if we failed, Itō-san? Where would we even start to know?>"
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With a hum as she stretched, Tsukikage got to his feet too from where he had been sitting, and took a few steps forward. They turned their body to be horizontal in front of Honoka, still making eye contact with her. “<I won't forget either, Oba-san.>” It felt impossible to see in his cloudy silver eyes, but there was a determination behind them. In this new life, it would be important to preserve the memories: keep all faces and names intact. As a messenger, it was important to Tsukikage too.

When sorrow overtook her, talking of her only wish and how to find the others of their clan and the dynasty... Tsukikage took a deep breath, trying to think of what advice he should give. The failure she spoke of had been an absolute for Tsukikage. By running, he surely had failed already, even if the Empress had survived. Even if the quintet did. “<If we failed, maybe we can get the chance to make it up here.>” They spoke softly. “<Oba-san, don't give up hope. I'm choosing to look at this as... as a second chance. Even if it is an afterlife, surely it will give us the chance to make things right.>” He looked at the ground, watching the sway of the grass for a moment longer. “<Let's soon split up and travel this area.>” Tsukikage raised their head, a hint of something like authority in their voice. It wasn't an outright command or order. The Handmaiden and the Shadow were in different worlds. Neither of them had leadership over each other. They were equal, in his eyes. “<If we find any others, we'll meet up together. Either way... we start over again. This looks a plentiful land, so we won't go hungry, at least. We can find our own success.>”
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for Archivist

---

She returns the determination with a firm smile. With the clan gone, erased, it would be on her and the survivors to piece together their stories and tell them bit by bit. Perhaps that could be her new purpose. Should she find them, she would ask them all everything they remembered. Foolish or otherwise. As an attendant to the Empress, it would be her task to do so. And she would take it with grace.

Her new purpose burning within her, she listens to Tsukikage's plan. "<It seems a good idea, Itō-san,>" she agrees. "<Shall I go west? And then you, to either the south or the north. We can meet back here in a week's time, with anything we find.>" She hums a few notes. "<Though when we meet again, I would like to hear more of your family and role within the clan, Itō-san. If we find nothing, perhaps we shall find solace in our shared memory. I think now of the young prince and princesses. They grew so fast...>" She sighs. "<And all the beautiful festivals. I miss working on them, oh how I do. Itō-san, if we don't find any of them... We should keep their memories alive. It would make the world more beautiful, I think, and that is the most important thing.>"
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we can close this off here? and have a new thread if you want <:

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Honoka's rambling and reminiscing had been something she'd seemed self-conscious about, but Tsukikage was glad to hear more of it. It helped him solidify his own memories and not forget them. They seemed to be in thought for a moment, considering what lay before them. Then, Tsukikage nodded. “<I feel you're right.>” They would have to think more on how to answer the questions Honoka would have for them next. Their role and their family: these things he still struggled to remember, but he felt that they would come to him eventually. Since they might be spending a lot of time alone, they didn't stress on not finding the calm to search their memories. That would be the easy part. The hard part would be finding the others, curing the loneliness. Luckily, he at least knew he had Honoka as what he know considered an ally as he had once before.

“<A week sounds like more than enough time. I'll see you then, Oba-san. Take care of yourself.>”
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