Pretty ballads hide bastard truths.

On he carried, incomplete. The druid hated the impossible position he'd found himself in, more and more with each day that passed. There was no way of moving beyond this predicament without harming someone further, he'd come to realise, and so he made a decision.

He hoped to feel a short, sharp pain - better that way, he hoped, than a lifetime of hurt.

Izumi had not come in search of him. She'd reached out to the snowflower by now, he knew, and still they were no closer to a conclusion. He wouldn't blame them if neither wanted to see him again, and perhaps that might be best for all of them. He was done playing guessing games, and eager to be able to breathe again.

The valley that bordered the frozen desert had always served as a happy place for Quicksilver, yet dread settled in the pit of his belly as he began his search for the crane.


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 Izumi did not have to travel far in order to find the silver druid. He was where they'd always meet up before, and a soft smile couldn't help but creep upon her delicate face -- a gentle, melancholic smile that burned her heart. Having to choose between whether she'd have her friend after this or whether she'd make things work between Quicksilver was not something she'd decided yet, not even after coming here to meet the boy in the first place.

 No. After this meeting, she would need to come to a conclusion, but not until the two of them had confirmed something first.

 "This place will be beautiful no matter how many times I come here. I can see why you love it so much..." the crane commented softly as she approached, seeking to catch the boy's attention.

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But Izumi, like always, found him first.

It was strange how each of them were drawn to that particular place, like migrating birds. As Quicksilver lifted his muzzle to regard the pointed fae, he fancied that it was the warmth she shared with him there that kept him returning. Her kindness and acceptance of him was something he would cherish forever, no matter the outcome of whatever it was they tried to hold onto. He managed a small smile for her as he veered her way, his steps light. He would need to tread carefully, here.

It was not the place that the druid loved - only what it'd made him feel. There was a connection to the land, naturally, but it was no view or scent that kept him coming back. Among its trees he had frolicked with the wind in his face and within its hot springs he'd basked, each time with Izumi by his side. They found a sense of freedom with one another, he liked to think, an opportunity to be themselves. She'd been a great comfort to him.

“Ah,” he paused close to her, “I love that it is a place we made our own, you and I.”

It was no secret that she roused some feeling in him, and although it was not the same raw passion he held for Reiko it was something the silverwhite wanted to believe was true. He looked at her with both longing and regret; Izumi had been nothing but straight with him. It was high time he returned that courtesy, but not until she had a chance to say whatever might be o her mind.


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 She smiled towards him as he approached, a genuine warmth that pulled at the corner of her mouth as she moved to brush her shoulder with his. Izumi was happy in the knowledge that the two of them had created memories in this desolate place -- many more to share as the seasons passed and times would change. Yet to know if such a vision would last, and that Izumi would die knowing someone would love her the same....

 "Quicksilver....what am I to you?"

 A direct question -- no beating around the bush about it now, since she already saw where stalling had led her last time. She inhaled a sharp breath -- afraid, knowing that her insecurities would be displayed for the world to see, but acknowledging that she had no choice in the matter if she wanted answers. ""I collapsed into your arms that day and spilled my feelings for you, but you haven't done the same. Yet despite that...you told me you'd be willing to make a relationship work between us."

 Once more, the young cranebird took her time to pause, looking down at her dark paws as she fiddled with the soil below her feet. "Do you actually feel the same way about me," what was she? "--or have you only been using me to forget?

 Was she nothing more than just a rebound in his eyes? To get back at the one that got away out of grief?

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She reached for him and connected her shoulder to his, and he leaned into the gesture. Quicksilver had expected there to be discomfort, awkwardness, uncertainty - but Izumi granted him a tiny glimmer of hope that together they might proceed as they normally would without . Let me have this, the silverwhite mused, quietly content, for just a moment longer.

But instead of the peace he so yearned for, his anxiety began to mount once more. The druid turned his face away, knowing that his pained expression was not what Izumi wanted in response. What the crane longed for from him was what he had so yearned to receive from Reiko: something raw and something real. Quicksilver's affection for Izumi had only just begin to bud when the world came crashing down around them.

“I care about you,” he admitted, feeling guilt twist uncomfortably in his abdomen with the acknowledgement that it would likely not be enough for her, “and I...” He rose his muzzle and glanced past his lashes, determined not to shy from her even though the truth might wound her, “it is hard to let go, Izumi. I didn't mean for anyone to get hurt and I... I never used you.” Quicksilver swallowed. He blinked, surprised at her accusation, “is that what you think of me?”


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 "I know it's hard to let go, Quicksilver." Izumi released with a sigh, turning her periwinkle gaze to meet his again. She was not stupid in thinking all the love he'd felt for Reiko would dissappear in the blink of an eye just because Izumi came in the picture, but if saying he'd want to pursue a relationship with her truly caused him so much pain, then what was to say she wouldn't end up assuming herself a rebound?

 and why choose her over the woman he loved first?

 To his question, a pained frown would etch the corners of her face, and she'd reach to lean against him again in reassurance. "How could I ever think of you in such a way? After staying by my side all this time?" there was no way in a thousand moons she could ever picture it. He'd come forth honestly about what was going on, and she trusted that continuity of transparentness. "--but even if our relationship develops overtime, would you ever imagine yourself loving me in the same way?"

 Though that was not all she wished to know...

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Izumi did not withdraw as he'd expected her to. Instead, the crane made to lean her weight against him and Quicksilver steadied himself, willing to provide the physical support she so needed. He hated that he'd led her on with hope that he could be right for her, that he'd forced her to question what she was to him. The druid thought sorely of Reiko, of his final farewell to her, and the pain that he was sure he'd never escape.

“I want to,” was all he could offer as she questioned the potentialof his affection. He knew what she wanted him to say: that he would rise above this, that he would choose her and they would find happiness in one another. But that was a promise he simply couldn't make. “Believe me, I do, but... sometimes, wanting is not enough.”

He had hurt them both. He was done flitting between them like a lost pup, trying and failing to figure out what he wanted and dragging them deeper into dark depths alongside him. He was drowning in misery, and he wouldn't let them sink any further.

Not for him.

Quicksilver exhaled, dreading the space that Izumi would surely choose to place between them as he confessed, “things can't go on like this anymore, and I... I don't want to keep hurting either of you.”


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 He wants to love her, and it wasn't said with the trace of hope and confidence she so hoped for. Quicksilver looked so....miserable around her and she already had an idea as to why that was. No matter what she did or said, Izumi would never be the Reiko that he'd fell so deeply in love with -- and the siamese wasn't even sure if he'd truly accept her for all that she was....

 Izumi had found the answer to her question then.

 "I know, Quicksilver. Your intention was not to cause pain to either of us and I know that." The crane knew the type of person he was -- kindred as the spirts and gentle as they came. She did not expect him to control the fate of this turmoil and it would've been unfair to say that all of this mess was on him alone.

 From his side she moved gently and found a place infront of him to sit, a silken tassel falling before her forepaws. "You know what Reiko told me the other day, Quicksilver?.......that she'll miss me." she began, and water was quick to lubricate her lavender gaze. Izu did not weep as she spoke, but that could not stop the hot tears from running circuit upon pale cheekbones. "That she'll wish you and I luck in Vanderfell, like the sight of us together made her physically sick..." and she was physically sick as Izumi observed. Emotionally drained from what the crane could only describe as  heartache. The loss of what was once a joyous woman that haunted Izumi in every sense of her spirit, and an image that would never leave her head. How selfish of her to turn away from Rei then in a fit of anger when she could've done so much more -- but it was clear the snow flower wanted the fae gone from sight....

 "This has become painful for us all, I've realized. I feel as if I'm hurting you, and I'm hurting Reiko all the same and...and......." the voice, silken and firm in an attempt to stay strong, broke. "--not only that, I'm losing my best friend while falling for someone who's not even sure if they'll ever love me back. I even went as far as to ask my own friend if all three of us could be together as one, out of fear of losing you both -- and that's not even what I want! I want you and you alone while still having my friend at my side but......the only thing I've managed to do with such selfish thinking is cause even more pain in the process of that."

 Verbally and physically,  Fujiwara trembled. How ridiculous of her to think that she could grasp onto any dignity right now. When her emotions were crushed to shit. That's okay though.....there was really no helping it, wasn't there? "All this time I've been nothing but a barrier standing in between you and someone you'd rather have ended up with. What is the use of me here if not someone to help you forget, Quicksilver?" there was no blame in her voice as she asked that of him, only the truth that she could see -- Quicksilver was never ready for a new relationship. Not when he wasn't even ready to let go of Reiko yet.

 After a while, her sniffling would die down to silence. A paw was lifted to wipe the dampness off her face, and the only thing that met Quicksilver's powdered blues was saddened lilac ones.

 "That is why I will no longer stand in the way of you an Reiko. You can go ahead and have each other now, that is what you've always wanted, right?"

 As much as her heart yearned for Quicksilver's love and affection, no matter how strong it felt and no matter what lack of experience she had in knowing what love was. No matter how much she didn't want to let go -- Izu knew she couldn't be in a relationship with a man who did not know what he wanted yet. It did not sound like the happiness she always pictured in the slightest.....

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Of all those who suffered through this mess, it was for Izumi that the druid held most sympathy. What'd begun as a boy without a name who harboured fondness for a girl who he thought couldn't ever care for him in the same way had grown over time, transitioning into a love proven unrequited. Over the months his love had robbed him or logic, of reason, until at last in a last ditch effort to regain some control of his downward spiral he poured his heart out - knowing that that would be the end of it.

Except it wasn't.

He looked at Izumi as she withdrew from his side, with a solemn finger and backward sweep of his sterling ears. If only Reiko had forgotten him, cast him aside as the fool he'd always felt in her company. If only she'd returned to her home with the tall, dark and handsome stranger she'd chosen and carried on with her life.

He didn't like this, to have come between friends. To have unintentionally pitted them against one another, clear with Reiko's dismissal of Izumi after she'd tried and failed to bring them all together. The silverwhite emitted a soft whine and cast his stare away, across the vast lake to look upon its rippling surface; he felt the tension weigh on him again, and he was beginning to falter.

“A barrier,” he snapped his gaze back to the pointed fae, frustration and hurt written all over his face to keep going around in these vicious circles, to be bullied into choosing someone when it could never be that simple. “No, please, ca-”

He clacked his teeth shut, too afraid to say more without driving the blade deeper. A fang nicked his lip in the urgency of it and he tasted copper on his tongue. Quicksilver chose to ignore it, even as he felt the tiny wound smart with pain.

“Please,” he tried again, inhaling deep, “stop. Can you just... stop.”

Stop blaming yourself

He blinked. “I told you,” his voice wavered, but he carried on, “that I wanted to try - and I am. I'm trying, Izumi. It's... it's all I can do.”

Trying to keep his head above water, trying to find his feet again, trying to remind himself that there could be something worth holding onto.

“I know what it is that you want me to say, th-that you want this to work. But you tell me to go to her and she tells me to go to you, you both want me to make this choice. How can I promise 'happily ever after' to someone when whatever decision I make brings another to their knees?”

He shuffled, recalling his pained words to Reiko: that if he was expected to make a choice, he would rather not choose at all.

“You and Reiko deserve better than that. You deserve a love that you don't need to question, someone that won't make you wait. Please, d-don't sacrifice the bond you share over me.”

The tip of his tail curled anxiously, his pale eyes pleading, “I am not worthy of your heart.”


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 Again, she had chosen the shittiest choice of words possible, one that managed to drive nails of grief further into Quicksilver's skull -- but it just didn't sit right with her to keep what she felt away from the world for the soul purpose of not hurting people. Pain was inevitable in this situation. Quicksilver had been nothing but honest with her despite it visibly hurting him to talk, and now it was time for Izumi to return the favor. It was the least she could do for being part of the reason everything became difficult.

 Motioning forward, she suddenly moved her cranium to bump foreheads with Quicksilver -- perhaps a little too hard, actually. It was meant to add as a distraction from his own speech, and Izumi hoped the small impact managed to knocked some sense into his head. "Enough with the self deprication Quicksilver. How will you be ready to love someone when you can't learn to love or forgive yourself, first?" her words were all in good will, and in hopes that he would take those words to uplift himself from this state of constant melancholy.

 "--and I am not sacrificing the bond I share with Reiko, Quicksilver. I'm telling you that this is....all of this is....doomed for a disaster waiting to happen."

All of this is was eternally fucked, and she just wanted to return home to her freind. That day in the tundra, where she was most vulnerable, she so foolishly agreed to pursue someone who clearly needed to learn to move on before anymore relationships began -- and in her blinded eyes of the selfishness that wanted to keep Quicksilver all to herself, she only now realized what a drastic mistake that was.

 "I want to help you come out strong and self assured throughout all of this. Not as the one who you wished to call a lover, but as your friend." Friends -- what they had become before all of this mess came to be. Something so much purer and less complicated "--because unfortunately, I cannot help you as a lover." After all she'd went through to win the boy's heart, things have become too painfully complex for Izumi to involve her fragile heart into this any longer. Right now it was not love that she needed. She needed her freind -- to comfort the cranebird and tell her things will be all right. To help her move on....

 So if neither Quicksilver nor Reiko could make a decision, then Izumi would make the decision first. For her own sake, it was only of best interest that a future with her and Quicksilver didn't happen at all...it hurt to think about, but it was for the best...

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She stepped in close, enough to butt her head to his own, and Quicksilver blinked and withdrew at the impact. If she wished to return him to reality then she succeeded, for the druid twitched his tail anxiously and emitted a soft whine in apology. Quicksilver had no more words for her and figured it'd be in the best interest of both of them to not interrupt - to simply listen.

And oh, how it hurt to hear what Izumi had to say. The silverwhite saw how she tried to regain control of the situation, one that'd spiralled far outwith his own, and he gritted his fangs; she wanted to help him!? He didn't need nor want her help! He began to grow frustrated with it all, with the way his thoughts of it all plagued every night, exhausted him. He was tired, and he just wanted it to be over.

"- I cannot help you as a lover."

And that was that. Whatever they might've been, brushed under the rug, doomed, and he had no one to blame but himself.

“Very well,” he answered shakily as emotion threatened to stumble him, and he moved to turn away because he was done dealing with it all. “Goodbye, Izumi.”


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 In that instance it was like her whole world came crumbling apart -- or at the very least, the man who'd she'd made the center of it. There was nothing to blame but fate for all of atrocities that have happened this month, because Izumi was not egar to put any of this on Quicksilver, Reiko, or herself. This was her decision, yet the sight of him turning away from her in a place that they'd made their own -- it stung horribly. The part of herself so desperate for love wanted to chase after Quicksilver and tell him she'd made a lapse in judgment, but the logical side of Izumi's being was quick to remind her that there was no mistake to be had here.

 Izumi and Quicksilver were simply never meant to be...

 "Goodbye, Quicksilver..." The crane emitted softly as he'd turn to leave her line of vision "--and for what it was worth, I do love you....I just hope I can learn not to with time...." for the sake of never experiencing this pain again. Izumi felt sick to her stomach -- it was time to return home to Reiko.

 and as Izu slowly came from the heights of Elsewhen to return to the tundra, she thought of all the things she never got to experience yet -- her first kiss, her first time, even the idea of marriage and children. All of which she would've loved to share with the silver druid had the cards of life been set differently, but they couldn't have been in a shittier order. How unfortunate...

 Grandpa Daichi was right -- this was all too painful to handle for someone like her. Love was to painful to handle for someone like her.

 so this would be Izumi's vow to never love again.......

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