all my favorite songs are slow and sad

this thread takes place on sept 26, I just won't be online to post it then!

Fear. It gripped Annika tightly, pale gnarled fingers that constricted her heart and throat at the same time. The soundtrack to her terror were anxious, pained breaths that she did her best to hide from the others. Annika had holed herself up the evening before, shunning anyone who had drifted too close to the entrance. She didn't want them to see the bloody aftermath, the lifeless bodies, the tears as she cried over another litter of children that had never been allowed to live. It had been a never-ending nightmare since then, her fear attacking her mind as much as the contractions attacked her body.

She wasn't ready for this. She couldn't do this, not again. What kind of idiot was she?

In the end, it didn't matter. What was done was done and she was paying the price with her heart and soul -- again. How many times could she do this before she shattered completely? Why did her body insist on playing these horrible tricks?

Annika couldn't hold her head above the water. She was drowning in a sea of panic, but the only thing she could do was let it be. Powerless to stop herself from birthing stillborn pups, she closed her eyes and allowed what would be to be.

Only this time, there wasn't silence. There was whimpering, whining. Soft, pitiful mewling from a child bitter from being brought into the world. The poor thing flailed helplessly while her mother looked on in shock, waiting for the darkly colored body to fall still. She waited to see the death shudder, to see the last breath before the world took from her another child.

It didn't happen.

Annika felt a new sort of panic sink in as she scrambled to free the child and groom her dry, rasping her tongue across the tiny body she feared would fail at any moment. None of her children had ever survived this long, not a single one. She awkwardly placed the pup to nurse, confusion evident on her face. What the fuck?

Another girl, this one much lighter, followed shortly after. She, too, refused to die and was placed alongside her sister to nurse. Annika's breath hitched in her throat as she watched, her body exhausted but far too shocked to rest. They were alive. Annika had given birth to two children.. and they were alive. She couldn't say for how long, but fuck, what had changed?

The newly minted mother lowered her head to gently poke and their bodies, perplexed beyond belief. It was around that time she assumed letting everyone else know was a smart move, and the wolf released a soft awoo for someone's attention. Rosencrantz, of course, would want to meet his daughters.

She hoped.

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Miriam hadn't really talked to Annika about the situation, but simply supported from afar. Nor' did she talk to Rosencrantz or even Guildenstern, an assumption that neither men were truly happy about the situation at paw, as they shown quite a reluctance toward @Ivar. Though with persistence eventually they relished at the thought, and with so, @Liliana gained some sort of playmate of the same age. They were both young, but neither were truly kids anymore, more like teenagers into the wild world.

She could smell it ; the familiarity of a mother withing crowning. Miriam of course, though but a beginner, held a variety of herbs within her mouth, a slight jogging as she went to the chosen den of Annika. There was a slight bark, to alert the new mother of her presence nearby, but she still kept at bay.. Hearing the sounds of the newborns cry out.

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^^

[sfont=Gideon Roman]Their blunder was coming to an end - the smell was evident and her size was hard to ignore. Soon the day would come where she would lighten her load - whether or not they took breath within their lungs was still yet to be decided. For her sake they would live, he though - but then again... it was hard to justify after all this time of him and Guildenstern groaning over more puppies being added to their little group.

But could he wish such an unfortunate fate to be repeated on the already sensitive Annika? The archangel didn't love the woman... not quite, not without some work that still had to be done - but he cared for her nevertheless.

As she approached her time, he was watchful... waiting to come in and soothe her should things turn unfortunate and yet... as time ticked on and the scent of blood filled the air - so did something else. The soft cries of newborn whelps and his heart pounded wildly in his chest - his puppies. Theirs, both his and Annika. 

With ears drawn forward, he brushed past Miriam with an apologetic look before settling near the new mother - under certain if he should approach and yet he wanted to come near and meet his own first litter. The thought of fatherhood frightened him - almost frustratingly so it angered him how unprepared they were for their appearance. She said she was infertile, that they would not take and yet, just as the miracle they were...

They breathed. [/sfont]

^^
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Annika was at a loss during a moment when she had gained the most. She couldn't fathom what they all must think of her now for spouting off how confident she was with her infertility, but.. this place they had woken in was different. It had been foolish to think her body would not have changed somewhat, but the scars were still prominent on her neck. How was she supposed to have known? Annika was perplexed and it showed on her face as she stared at them in disbelief, just.. lost.

@Miriam called softly and Annika's eyes snapped to the den, her instinctive urge to usher her away growing tenfold. She would not be that kind of woman, however, and admitted quietly: "I don't understand." It was up to her whether or not she entered, but Annika was not in the business of stopping her. Not when she was their only medic.

It was when @Rosencrantz stormed in that she realized the gravity of the situation. He hadn't signed up for children, she knew that, but.. well, shit. When she had suffered through so much loss of pregnancies, it had been a safe guess that her body simply did not support life. The two children had proven her very wrong. Her eyes drifted to his, a stormy sea of emotions, before she finally offered: "It's two girls and.. they're still alive." For now, she wanted to add, but kept that bit to herself. It was too soon to be excited, wasn't it? Any moment could be their last.

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[sfont=Gideon Roman]

Permission to skip Cyprin

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^^

Annika was obviously just as confused as he was. A surprise to them both that this litter had survived to their day of birth - but for how long? He didn't dare question it out loud, to strip Annika from that joy she must be feeling right now. For it to be with him of all creatures as well, once again... did she despise him for it?

Swallowing the thick lump in his throat, he eyed the two girls - as Annika had called them to be. Both daughters. They both took after them, each having the coats of their parents. It was breathtaking, even he had to admit. Such a thing to be possible. Tossing a glance to Miriam over his shoulder, perplexed and overjoyed - as well as apologetic for all the things he had said previously. Now they were both in the same boat on the matter of children. Whether he wanted it or not.

Turning his attention back to Annika, there was only one thing he believed to be the right thing to do. To keep his damn mouth shut and show some support. No matter how long they would live, they were hers - theirs. Approaching closer if the new mother would let him, Rosencrantz would give her a quick lick on the top of her head. Showing his approval for their blessing... miracle really. 

Even if they couldn't support more youth in their barely group gathering, he would not condemn the new lives that were brought this day.

^^[/sfont]
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It was impossible to feel joy when terror and dread so heavily anchored in her stomach, twisting and pulling what should have been happiness to the depths. Their life brought a new panic to her that she had not anticipated: how long would she be able to sustain them? How long would she be able to keep them alive before their frail bodies simply gave out? Already the air they breathed was stolen; Annika couldn't even consider naming them. Not when she knew they must be dying within the hour.

Rosen said nothing and neither did she, too fixated on the wriggling bundles to even acknowledge anything else was happening. Her heart thundered loudly against her chest as the electric hum of her pulse rushed through her ears, drowning out everything else. It was only when their father stepped forward and rasped his tongue across her head that she returned to some sort of normalcy, but even that was met with a few dull blinks.

As everything began to settle, it still took several seconds before a thin smile carved its way across the stony facade. Minutes had passed and still the cubs greedily ate, showing no signs of slowing outside of the occasional yawn.

Annika watched in fascination for several seconds before lifting her muzzle to bump against Rosen's, encouraging him closer should he chose to do so. Being their sire had not been his choice, per se, but fatherhood still very much was. She would not hold it against him to hesitate taking up the mantle she had promised would never fall to him -- after all, the pups had been what she wanted. Either way, she would not show an ounce of wanting him away. Instead, she glanced between him and the girls, doing her best to hold a blubbering sob back.

Annika didn't know where it was that they had all woken up, but she did know it was now the closest thing to heaven she would ever come.

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Miriam did not hear both of them, but only smiled as Rosencrantz had entered the den. She wasn't completely sure what his smile had told her, it looked apologetic but she was more proud of him. The two had a fate that Goddess had given, and intertwined through. Annika had foretold the maiden of the hardships they had, and perhaps, thought this was but a renewal of what was lost. Though one had forgotten, the other remembered, and foreso, her children returned back to life.

As she wasn't called into the den, the pups were relatively healthy. She could hear their mewling and could only joyfully peer in the den, but didn't enter at all. As being a mother herself she knew the feeling of not desiring others near, the protective sense of catering to their own. Miriam assumed it was perhaps tenfold, for the mother who already lost some. With a sound mind, she left the area but wandered nearby in case they called for a medic.

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[sfont=Gideon Roman]^^

Rosencrantz was as uncomfortable as they came. No, he wasn't prepared to be a father. He was prepared to support and aid a grieving mother who had lost a new generation once more, as that is what he was told would happen. Just as the last. He only had her words to go on, to trust that Annika was being truthful to him and though this was not enough to doubt her - he wasn't quite certain how to act in a moment like this. He wasn't prepared in the slightest.

He thought perhaps Miriam would follow in to greet the new life. She was always so quick to sympathize with puppies and want to be in their lives after all. But she did not come. It was just the new parents, one more out of his comfort zone than the other. A bump against him would wake the man from his standing stupor, focussing on the woman once more with his single eye.
 
“I don't suppose you already have names?” He half joked, knowing very well that she was just as surprised as he was for this new development. As uncomfortable as he was in this unforeseen circumstance, he wasn't enough so to move on and leave Annika alone with the cubs. He would linger a little longer, see how well she was fairing, show as much support as he possibly could before beginning his journey as a provider while she would care for them.

^^[/sfont]
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Annika's heart broke a fraction as Miriam left. Was she upset? Her ears fell against her head as she peered out, watching the silvery form disappear. Had she not been exhausted, she would have gone after her.. but spirits, she was absolutely destroyed body and mind.

Naturally, she wanted to offer him freedom. She could take the children and return to Valeska, simply suck it up with Harper and struggle through it. He hadn't been a consenting part of parenthood and the guilt now weighed heavily on her. She could see in his expression that he was.. not displeased, but not enthralled either. Annika understood. It didn't help her know what to say, but.. she understood.

As for names, she shook her head. None of her children had ever survived so long before, so names.. had never been a concern of hers. "No, I'm sorry," she murmured apologetically. "They don't need names right away, it can.. wait." Wait for them to die, wait for them to show personality worth being named after. Annika shifted her weight and lowered her head to the ground, struggling to deal with the aftermath on her body.

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[sfont=Gideon Roman]^^

So she didn't pick names just yet... All things considered, it made sense. One tends to get more attached to someone, something after they gave it a name. Children would be no different if she didn't expect them to live much longer. How cruel would the gods' above be to strip them from her now that they had taken their first breaths? 

Then again, Gods were always so cruel. The bleached man had even come to the conclusion that such things didn't exist unless they were as cruel as he believe them to be. He'd offer a low growling hum in agreement to her sentiment. Whatever made it easier for her to rest easy. “Rest, I'll be sure to provide you with food.” Was his form of support. To show his willingness to help.

With that he would nose her forehead before departing to begin his hunt. There would be many after today as the caches were now top priority as well as patrolling.

^^

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Sorry he is awkward and not naturally father material!

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Unaccustomed to affection as she was, it felt like angels sang whenever he brushed up against her intentionally. The gentle rasping between her ears was just as welcomed whether or not he felt compelled to do it or not; if he were doing it out of kindness or out of duty, it did not matter to her. A woman who gave birth wanted to feel some sort of connection with the father, and Annika knew this was as much of one as she would ever have. With this thought she simply nodded and watched him go, turning to curl around her newborns and do her best to sleep.

fin!

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