have a map with the destination erased

In his new beginning, Antares had come here hoping for something to busy his mind with, and found.. precisely that, and then some. In an eventful few days, now thankfully behind them, Shiroshika kept him plenty occupied. He had found himself entrusted with guarding the wounded, the first priority, so he did just that, and hunted small game he crossed to help feed @Gyrfalcon first and himself when he managed an appetite. He also picked up a few basic care types of things (mostly by peeking at whatever @Reiko did when she stopped by), and tried to.. attempt to oversee some sort of healing, and help make sure the lost leg wasn't festering, or worse. He was admittedly a bit out of his league there, but a willingness to try landed him there, stubbornly.

But by now Gyrfalcon's wound seemed to be on the mend, all things considered, and her restlessness was harder to contain--which he was worried about, quietly, in his own way, where he tried not to be overbearing in his company but.. provide something, though it was never going to replace what she lost. What that something he was offering was supposed to be, exactly, he rightfully didn’t know yet. He didn’t get the impression that it was an easy answer.

Which, he couldn’t say if any of it paid off or not, but no one had died on his watch, and neither had more legs been lost or the pack dissolved into absolutely chaos in the meantime. He had noticed when Reiko had not come by for a few days, too, contemplated the implications of it, but even that concern had passed on her eventual return--him not knowing what all was his business or not exactly, but content to keep his nose mostly to himself so long as all was well enough. A busy blur of days had made it pass in almost a blink to his accounts anyway, and now that he took a moment’s repose to reflect on it all, his ears slicked back with a thoughtful furrow. Antares found himself deep in the thick of it; a strangely familiar feeling in some distant way, he thought. A reminder.

Musing on, and regrouping mentally, he moseyed back towards his usual lookouts near the den, nose wiggling to check for signs of concern as his steps gradually slowed. When he did not immediately find anything to alarm over, he paused over a patch of afternoon sun, and dropped his haunches right then and there. The rest of him followed with a great huff of a sigh. Just for a second, he would try to unwind, and sprawled out there to let the sun warm his dark furs. He would not dally long, couldn't afford to, but could certainly use a quick recharge.

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tags are for ref bc vague-ish mentions of behind the scenes happenings in the last weeks or so idk what time is, holler if no good ♥♥

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^^

It was possible that she could never forget the past few days - they hung heavily on her mind and heart but the fact was that it was a burden she was meant to carry. Wether or not it would help to make the Empress stronger or more tired as days would drag on - only time would tell. For now she too was exhausted. At least the activity back home was lessened, Gyrfalcon was hoping around and learning the life of having one less leg.

Eventually Reiko could only hope it would be but a memory to be left behind in the sands of time just as the same with her heartaches.

Upon her return she had spent the majority of her days as a recluse. Less social than the time before all this personal drama being resurfaced, the thought of Tobias being gone without a trace was concerning and yet there was only so much they could do after his trail had gone cold. For the most part she would tend to the healing Gyrfalcon, clean out the medicine den and gather the final herbs of the season.

This time she caught sight of Antares as she walked by. The newest of them that Reiko had not greeted personally up until their first official meeting regarding Vera’s fate within the pack... what an awkward way to meet one another. Certainly not on the most pleasant of terms.

Gingerly she would approach, with ears splayed back and on paws aimed to not hide herself from him but not disturb his peace either. He seemed comfortable, lounging in the afternoon sun and warmth - she wanted to join him on that.

With a light sigh, she too would lay on the snow just out of reaching distance. Rolling over onto her side to view him from her own point of view. “I believe... You had the right idea Antares. This is relaxing.”

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Quick to the point of his relaxation because even that he was determined to get done, he breathed out whatever weight of it all that he could. Bit by bit. Here in the warm rays of the sun, he decided he didn't need to really think about it anyway. Best to enjoy before the days got any shorter, after all. It could wait a few minutes, so he glossed over what was left, and let his eyelids get heavier, and heavier, until they fell too.

But no amount of raw willing everything away would quite shut him off completely. His nose hinted to him first, ears tipping to confirm the sound of a feather-light approach. He peeled open one eye at a time, canting his head just enough to see the Empress joining him. It was already well too late for the it's not what it looks like spiel, so he may as well be graceful about his slacking off.

Antares remained as he had been, comfy, though offered a short deferential nod and soft flips of his tail when she agreed with him so easily. Reiko understood, so that was good. He was still learning how and where to stand when it came to his new packmates; he would take what he could get. “Mhm, I agree.” Antares hadn't been wrong about this, and really, he hoped that was true for all things lately. “Too good an opportunity..” he stretched out his legs, down to his toes. “.. to pass up.” He particularly appreciated a good sunbathe spot and personally thought he had probably earned it. Maybe the Empress felt the same way. They had all stayed busied lately, least as well as he could perceive. Anyway: “How are things?” the scout asked in his best general sense, all while starting to shift to sit his front half more upright, slightly, but in no hurry to do more than that.

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^^

How aware the others were about her current state of mind was undetermined. As far as she knew, Reiko was hiding it fairly well. Perhaps a little stranger than usual, but enough to cause for alarm she hoped. And so, some time to lounge around and bask in the warmth of the afternoon sun was a good way to let the coiled muscles relax and try to put her mind on other matters.

Antares was the picture of relaxation as he stretched out. A handsome young man with fur as dark as the night sky, his deep blues only deepened his mystic. They were sharp contrasts to one another, but not unlike other men who were around either. Even Tiberius had some silver to him while Antares was completely black from head to toe.

“Hm?” How were things? Horrible, awful, her heart ached and there was nothing she could do about it but could she tell that to him? They barely knew one another and for her to just open up and spill everything out onto the floor would be improper. “Hectic.” With a sigh, she chose half of the truth, keeping it vague but not quite lying either. “The moment I believe I have grasped one thing, a different matter pops up almost immediately.”

But that was her problem, not his. So she tossed a curious look in his direction. Pale brows rising while wide bright eyes sought his own darker ones. “And you? How are you adjusting to Shiroshika?”

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It was certainly one situation to get comfortable in, given that his interactions with the Empress so far had been brief, and not with him at the focal point. He had begun to learn the image she carried, how it reflected into the pack, and of course everything on a surface level when she handled her duties to her packmates--but deeper than that, she was very much a mystery to him. He slipped into the ranks under Hotaru's judgement as something they needed more of right now (which was no lie) and then everything else proceeded to follow not long after, all too easy to get swept up in. But he was good at navigating dicey waters, sometimes.

Hectic was one way to put it, indeed. He agreed silently, knowingly, and kept his curiosities at careful bay concerning matters of the Empress' details. There warmed by the sun beams, he supposed it was a little easier to do as his ears splayed, sympathetic to her struggles. It seemed life was doing its thing, all while a pack depended on and looked to her for guidance, and he couldn't even fathom the full scope just yet.

As for him, he drew his muzzle closer to his chest. “Fine. No one's that I know of has died on my watch, so I'm taking that as a good sign so far,” he chuffed with a low almost-laugh. Frankly he was still getting used to it all, trying to wrap his head around it. “It's easy enough to stay busy,” he said, contrary to right here and now, the picture of off-duty. “I think I needed that--to some degree,” Antares added, seeking something to help ground him to strange, unfamiliar lands where few things made sense in the beginning and duty was a constant he could always grasp. “Though less hectic for everyone is fine too. More time for moments like these,” he noted with a gesture to the space between them. 

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She'd chuckle nervously at his comment. No one has died on anyone's watch, which was good for all of them. Yet still... the thought of such a thing occurring was stressful, especially after Vera's attack earlier who had left someone with one less limb. He wasn't wrong - it was simply a strange way of wording things considering the current events that had occurred.

Too soon Antares, too soon.

“Mhm.” She'd hum along in agreement with him, listening to his words as she bathed in the warmth of the sun with the refreshing cool snow contrasting against it from below. “I agree — mostly to moments like these are important.” Smiling, it was some light humour that this was far nicer for her to enjoy than the busy life of a hectic day.

Staying busy had its perks, but this, well - if she could live every day in peace it would be a blessing. Impossible, but a blessing she could dream of. In a way, this was a wish she had for Shiroshika when they established themselves as a pack. For peace. Even if it has been everything but.

Keeping her eyes on the dark man, there was more she wished to talk about while they had each other's company. “I am afraid... that I do not know much of you Antares, would I be prying?”

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After everything, and in trying to rebound from it, he had learned to appreciate peace better. Assign it a more proper importance, possibly. Even a fleeting moment, or a simple one of such nonchalance as this. It couldn't only be go go go after all, not always. And while that might be tempting (especially for someone who could dabble in that Ostrega restlessness that made them wanderers once) it wasn't sustainable in every time and place. Here, he could be anything instead. Anyone. No matter how jaded his outlook could get, it was worth plenty to him to be marginally more grounded than before and have a home again.

Which as she watched him, he wondered why--then his ears tipped gently for the smallest of shifts, content to step over some confusion there instead of feeling hyper-aware of his every move. It came as no surprise that she did not know about him. Not many could say they did. “It's fine--I know I came here at an odd time,” he shook his head softly. He didn't make it easy, and she had every right to know what sort of creature she was housing thanks to Izumi and Hotaru's acceptance of him. Even that meeting he had thankfully kept to the point, still foggy from his reawakening and in not a great place to make solid first impressions. However, Antares only could assume the summary of that Reiko had received from her daughter and friend. He sort of was not sure if he wanted to dwell on that much anyway.

Unless this empress needed deep, dark secrets, he could categorize this as reasonable, fair prying. He distantly understood her vantage as leader here, and pack mate too. Maybe he could learn more about her in this somehow as well. The lavender-eyed crane spoke highly of her likes, so he was open to see. But for now, the spotlight would have to be his and he would comply. “What all do you want to know?” he asked as he conscientiously held fast to his nonchalance. Where to begin? What did she even know at all? That he knew Izumi, maybe, since she had found him lost and alone. That he supposedly could fight, guard.. hunt for them, too. He could give her the circumstances that made him up, what had led him here, or what his nuances were like... down to his favorite food, maybe, if she wanted random trivia.

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^^

He did indeed come at a strange time didn't he? When the Empress would be away with sickness hoping to not infect the others of the pack and create some kind of epidemic outbreak of some uncomfortable cough. She was only gone for approximately two weeks if she could remember that time properly through the feverish fog of her memories, and yet there were a few who had joined them during that time where Hotaru had to take the reigns for a while.

There was a lot of catching up to do and the list never seemed to end. Always pushing back one thing to focus on another more pressing matter. She needed help on this throne, Reiko knew that... but her daughter was just not old enough yet, and she, well, the empress had no husband with which to speak of to share the heavy crown with. It felt as though she was being stretched far too thin to either side of the lands, each and every day.

“Whatever you feel more comfortable sharing.” She knew that Izumi had brought the tall dark man with her not long after Reiko had left into isolation. Of his talents, and that was about it. “Certainly there is more to this man I only know as Antares, the man who can patrol, fight, hunt and scout.”

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Ears tipped towards the snowy Empress, he reached to lick a foreleg again as he began to consider it. Whatever he felt comfortable sharing, then. He took a beat to chew it over, admittedly, hopeful to smooth it into the easy state of the moment. “You already know I have a soft spot for sunbathing,” he gestured, and flipped his tail gently for one small sweep. But that was just him easing into it all better, bit by tiny bit. On the other end of the day, concerning another type of starlight: “I guess I like stargazing, too.” he added lightly, a small hint of an almost-smirk. Inherited trait. It made him think of his family; the distant glimmers familiar company on a clear night, wherever he went. Even here where he had no other landmarks to start from once. He had never seen night skies like some of these he encountered here, this far into the north.

Beyond that, he could list odds and ends that he vaguely enjoyed for far too long. He backtracked towards a different, perhaps more practical approach, heading forward. The Ostrega could speak on his first, best connection to why he ended up here in Shiroshika at all. “Anyway, Izumi found me lost in the forests south of here. I don't know how I got there, really.” And had been feeling strange when she found him, for a multitude of reasons, startled in his loneliness. Then she had introduced him to the notion that maybe he had died and this was something new, which had given plenty to stew on, obviously. As such, he preferred to focus on any vague space of horizon away as he spoke. Whatever Reiko thought could come after, he didn't need to watch her to see so soon. “I knew her a little from.. before everything happened, when I still lived at Moonspear--where I came from. The, ah, first there was a bear, then a star fell on the mountain that very few survived. The pack I once ran with my brothers did not last long after that and I had a chance to get away with the last company I had left... so I was traveling,” he supposed, though running away had been apt once too.

“But I guess I didn't think I was so far north.. or alone, and Izumi told me she had found a place here, so..” He ended with a note of but here we are, his strange, grim acceptance to greet this bizarre new fate. Izumi had been his best lead to follow, so here he was. “I missed a home, and simple mountain things,” he nodded, letting her digest that much for whatever it was worth.

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While he moved around to get himself comfortable, she remained still. Patient and waiting for whenever he was ready to speak about whatever he felt was right to talk about. Nothing, in particular, came to her mind neither, something was better than the very few things she already knew. She rested not far from his larger body, his dark furs contrasting against the snow while she nearly melted into it. Every curl of her feathers disappeared into the blanch blanket that covered the grounds.

At his first statement, she giggled. There was uncertainty if it was meant as a joke with how obvious it was, but it did help even Reiko ease into what was to follow... A stargazer he continued. It seemed like something one like him would enjoy. She took note of the mild joy it brought to his features and how charmingly calm he came off as.

Then things grew a little heavier as he went on. Heavier than she had imagined Antares would have gone with her open invitation to just say anything. His honesty was appreciated, and she would remain quiet to listen to every word he uttered. A pack named Moonspear, a bear, a destructive falling star - it all sounded so traumatic.

And digest it she did.

For a moment she took in what he shared, soaking in what made the man before her, the sun-bather and star-explorer, Antares. “That all sounds... very cumbersome.” He was a tall and strong-looking man, but he was still so young. Younger than Reiko; she could tell. To be holding onto all that, it had to be difficult. “Do you plan on finding your family?” The ones who survived as well, the ones you lost while travelling?

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In the wake of letting what plagued him known, he found he felt surprisingly little and nodded softly--agreeing easily that cumbersome was a tidy way to package what he had carried. It needed said, though, for his own sake somehow.. to feel an ounce better in letting his new leadership understand what he had slogged through once. He should carry on, and flourish past it if he wanted to rebuild, regrow, whatever it was meant to be here now though. Time definitely helped. Distance more so, even if it still left him confused, unsettled sometimes--but attachments were regrowing, slow and steady. They might not weave so intricately into him as the ones that had helped him become the willing instrument to his mother's expansive dreams yet, but.. he needed them all the same.

He shook his head gently, then. He didn't plan on seeking out family any longer, despite trying once with the vain hope that maybe his younger siblings had survived everything--he had never found them, dead or alive. Eventually turning away from the homeland in the first place had put distance between the notion though and probably effectively negated his chances at a reunion, unless they had scattered across the stars too, a little like he felt like he had done. Still, he had no realistic interest in such a search. “I don't. Not particularly,” he sighed, mostly because he did not think there were any to be found, grim as it might be. “I stayed around to try to find them for a while after everything went foul, but it eventually did more harm than good. Didn't inspire a lot of hope,” he added. “After that I took off to travel to a place called Torbine, but lost my guide, then found myself here. I wouldn't know where to even begin anyway.” he said. On either search, for that matter. He just was.

“Looking for lost family was what brought you here, right?” he decided to ask back, based on what he had gleaned from Izumi. Much of what he knew of Reiko came that way, after all, and he didn't feel too greedy for steering it her way just some.

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“I am... so very sorry to hear all of that.” It seemed that they had more in common than what either of them might have believed beneath the surface. “You are, of course, always welcome to make Shiroshika your home if you feel inclined to.” They could never replace what he had lost, nor was that the goal as Shiroshika stood - but maybe be a place for him to find new comfort with. A new start as what the pack's beliefs were based on.

They all had family they were missing, some that were possibly just misplaced and wandering on their own path - while others were lost for good. As though mourning both their loved ones she remained silent for a little while. Only letting Antares break the tranquillity with his own voice and followed with his own inquiry.

The shift going onto Reiko didn't go unnoticed either, not that she minded much.

“Hmmm more or less. It is more complicated than that.” She started off a little vague, not that Reiko was really keeping secrets from anyone. If they asked she was a rather open book to speak of her past and how her children came to be - she simply didn't want to announce it to the world with every conversation she had. If they didn't want to know, they wouldn't ask, and that was her logic.

“After my sister cast me out of our birth pack, I wandered for a long time. From pack to pack as one rose to fall months later, forcing myself and others to find a new home.” Antares was open enough to tell his own tale, so it only felt right and fair to do the same. “This is not my first attempt at a pack... The Reneian Empire was my first, and a man who came from my birth pack found me along with a couple of others. That is where my children were born. Things... turned sour, and I took my children to flee, and here is where we found ourselves. I woke up in the Everfrost without them and searched for months for them, and founded Shiroshika in hopes of making a permanent residence for them as they grow.”

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He dipped his chin, partially in a nod. Antares was grateful that they were so accepting. Shiroshika had been nothing but welcoming so far, as Reiko affirmed now. Even in his awkward way sometimes as he was busy figuring it out in the aftermath of everything, there was a place for him nevertheless--and he didn't feel alone in his ventures of a new life, either. It gave him no cause for concern, which was good. One less thing to worry about in the grand scheme, and much appreciated.

She said it was more complicated than that, and that easily had his attention when he knew the best place to hear it was right from the source. He supposed he had not thought much about Reiko's earliest days--finding out her sister originally cast her away was an unexpected tidbit, especially. With this, he could give the pack's foundation, and her own history, more depth. He also didn't miss that it seemed a place in these strange lands often followed strife of some devastating kind. Who knew why they all were given that to bond over.. “I see. Still, I'm glad I know the full story better now..” he spoke quietly, in proper reverence to what she shared.

He thought she had founded a good place for that--this land held its unique charms, and certainly, even this far north, it seemed to grant them everything they needed so far. Time would tell if that would hold up in the months, and hopefully years to come. It had certainly grown on him in his time here, and he had yet to see a full turn of the seasons.

He let the conversation ease as it needed to, content to volley it back if she saw it fit for more, and certainly appreciative for anything else she wished to share with him. It eventually might come easier for even him, he thought. He had learned a lot already, after all, and eventually as it went on, Antares found he could savor silence as well--when it came about, until inevitably, they would need to get back to the bustle of the day in one way or another. He took care to soak up the peace they had while it lasted though.

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i gave this a fade-ish since i've definitely let it get dusty <3

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