I was really going to be somebody

@Tavina? <3

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 Dusk deepened. The stars began to come out. Last light crept in from the desert and shaded the dunes with purple. Like a thick, velvety cloak it muted all sound so that the evening was tranquil and hushed.
 Nuri waded out into the lagoon, reveling the feel of coolness over her shoulders. Her eyes were still dramatically outlined with startling jet black, her cheeks rouged crimson. Under the heavy make-up her expression was tranquil, but alert.
 Akashingo was thrilling. It was crawling with men. The coyote wondered how many of those men were married, and how many out of them unhappily so. There was nothing that pleased her so much as a client who asked for secrecy— who wouldn’t insist on staying all night.
 The fellahin began to hum a soft tune as she floated, one taught to her by the madam in Kemet.

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! <3

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 she avoided the main contingents of akashingo, clinging to the freedom afforded a grieving woman. 
 a grieving woman quickly deciding there was no place for her in the lovely oasis that was to be their new home. their numbers thrummed in strength, but tavina thought only of eset and of rashepses' prideful hatred.
 seedlings were repotted in frames of stone. she worked with a numb skill, ignorant of the keening wind upon the desert's horizon nor the guards who marched upon their patrols.
 and when she did look up, it was to see the coiffed, painted face of another fellahin. another plaything for the Consort, thought the sesh hotly, resenting herself for the jarring jab of desire which reminded her she was not dead.
 "you there. come and help me bring water from the springs to this place, please," came the jagged request, tavina pulling her eyes away ans setting them coldly upon the misting green which would be medicines and plantlife.

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 A woman alone. At present, her countenance was unsmiling. She had a blackened pelt and heavy purple eyes that did not hold long on the coyote, who obediently waded up onto the shore and approached. Nuri looked for that familiar jealousy as the sopping pelt clung to her curves. Her stylishly painted face, or what she thought passed as stylish, wasn’t intended to disguise her vocation but to imbue it with some legitimacy. The escort wasn’t afraid of being judged. She deserved to be here. Still, she didn’t like when women had nothing better to do than glower and wholly expected it from this curt-tongued wolf.
 “Here; let me,” the coyote complied sweetly anyway and endeavored to be useful. Her voice was cloying, artificially so, as she had trained herself to speak lightly to impress company.
 “It’s Nuri.” The peach eyes smile.

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 that voice obscured what of the girl tavina could see, and perhaps precluded her from wanting to know more. she offered a weaving of large leaves to the fellahin, not quite water-tight but it was able to be used aptly for transport. a second was hoisted over her shoulders, and the black wolf set off with brisk steps.
 "i'm tavina, royal physician and midwife." that alone would compel respect from servants, even if rashepses felt she was no longer due such sentiment. and maybe — maybe she needed it, if she was to stay any length of time.
 the springs glinted ahead. "you are new to us, nuri?" tavina made herself ask, if for no other reason than to fill the quiet space.

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 “Brand new, rolled up as soon as I smelt yuh. Sure are a lotta yuh, and here I am meeting the doctuh, lucky me.” Nuri grinned and followed suit, reaching to position the haversack between shoulder blades. She stepped delicately beside the wolf, though a trot was necessary to keep pace. She wasn’t accustomed to this type of work, she worried about smearing her meticulously painted eyes. But Nuri was a good sport, and recognized that this lady's standing commanded respect. Plus, it wasn’t all bad to be out from under the nose of an overbearing madam, and the woman was an interesting sight while there were no men around to fancy.
 “How long yuh been royal physician?” The girl asked, face turning warmly to Tavina.

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 "i was there when pharaoh was born. and i was there when her older sister, nekubi makono, was born. she became crown prince first." after a brother had run away and another disappeared. nuri's accent was sufficiently charming, and while tavina remained quiet until they came to the sweet waters, she looked up with a softened expression.
 "we came together. i'm still not certain how we got here, but i'm grateful i didn't come alone."
 eset; her heart pinched so much it almost shortened the next breath she took. "have you met our Consort?" she could not help herself, the bitterness everlasting.

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 “Coulda fooled me. Yuh don’t look a haiuh over three.” She shot the woman a grin playfully. Tavina was quite accomplished. Nuri knew she wasn’t dull or unappealing, but she knew her class status, and she appreciated that the doctor spoke to her even if she didn’t need to. The coyote wasn’t cultured or polished, though she aspired to be.
 She was treated to those purple eyes.
 “I’m glad yuh here too, I never seen so many pretty people in my life,” Nuri watches Tavina’s face. “He’s striking, isn’t he? What’s he like?”

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 "he is —" a pompous arrogant man too steeped in prettiness and entitlement to be worth anything. it'll be me you seek out when he compromises you with his bastards.
 she hated him. she hated rashepses.
 "he is quite ambitious and beloved by pharaoh. he enjoys our finest luxuries. please him if you can, nuri, else stay out of his way." she felt that was fair enough, pushing her paw into the water so that the leaves embraced the liquid there.
 beads of translucence clung to the outer side when she drew it up, pulling the container back to the sand. "i think he will find you intriguing, for what it's worth." her own eyes did not smile, but her gaze lingered.

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 Nuri doused her own palm leaves, dreaming more than a little about what it must be like to be doted on by a man with that much wealth! With that much power! Surely, she would want for nothing if made a jewel in a king’s court.
 “Think so, hm? And why’s that?” The fellahin asked, quirking a sepia brow. The doctor must have taken notice… and now Nuri had, too.
 “You seem quite self-serious, Tavina,” she chanced upsetting her with a plain admission, and could only hope her honeyed voice might pass for delightful rather than prying.

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 "it is my default state," tavina managed to jest tightly, imagining herself on the run from akashingo. how far would she be able to get? and where would she go? with her skills, any pack might see fit to accept her, but the reach of their kingdom was already vast. impossibly so. "and why? you're very pretty, but i suspect you know that. akashingo demands brains as well as loveliness, and there's a lot of ways to get ahead if the most powerful man in the kingdom has taken a shine to you."
 did she need to explain this? another doubt, but the banter was pleasant enough.

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 The coyote wasn’t exactly stupid, even if she pursued an area of study devoid of utility. When she’d moved to Kemet, the other girls in the brothel laughed at her accent. She’d mispronounced words she’d never heard spoken aloud, like 'pharaoh' and 'ankh'. She’d never had a job before and never learned how to artfully apply makeup. Back in those days, she’d been too afraid of being caught in a lie to pretend otherwise, so she’d market herself around her deficiencies. She was attractive, she was fun, and she knew how to please a man so well that all other names left his mouth.
 “I’m not just a pretty face.” Nuri gave a little laugh, though she did not know if she should feel insulted or not. She decided not. For whatever reason, the woman seemed to be holding a torch for her, and the coyote could use an ally.
 “Yuh nevuh thought to go for him yourself, doctuh?”

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 a soft bray of laughter! a shocked chuckle to follow; "no, dear heart, i certainly did not think of having him for myself." quick checking of their water-bags; she nodded and hoisted the first to her own back before reaching to help nuri. "i am not for men." and even had she been head over arse smitten with that populace, rashepses would not have been her first aim.
 "and good. beauty only gets you so far. a brain keeps you safe."
 lapsing into her earlier calm, tavina turned, intend to lead the silent way back to her little plants, not speaking again until she was able to pour water over the seedlings. it was soothing; soothing in a way of distraction, much as nuri had proven to be.

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 “I can tell. Yuh got that look in yuh eye that says yuh like to taste the velvet,” Nuri’s grin was teasing. It wasn’t true. Though there was nothing in Tavina that showed she tried to be feminine, she didn’t seem to want to be seen as a man, either.
 Rather, it was the doctor’s quick acceptance of the courtesan that clued her in. Tavina wasn’t jealous about the coyote seducing her man— because she didn’t want one.
 “Beauty’s good. Brains too. Can’t wear eithuh around my neck though,” she continues, following the doctor out across the sand. “Maybe aftuh I help yuh with this, yuh’d give me some names with empty beds to keep my eye on.”

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 now tavina did laugh, the first and the genuine since they had emerged from hot sand. "you're charming, nuri," she admitted with no cost to herself and a quick quirking of her mouth which died down the grin. "beds, you say? start with the captain and work your way down. he was mauled horribly in a final battle, before we came here. whatever — occurred, it has restored his flesh and his youth."
 a man like that would be intent upon proving himself.
 she poured water atop the sand, watched the thirsting earth drink it down. "and be careful. it's midwinter into spring. a treacherous time for women."
 her indigo eyes were kept aside now, eset leapt into her mind where she perched upon a broken heart.

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 a tremble greeted nuri's touch, a shivering exhale of touch-starved want. "that too is by design," the sesh managed, raising a shaking hand to caress that slim wrist beneath her chin; pulling gently away.
 for a moment, only silence amid the gold and the green of their oasis. "his name is khusobek," tavina found herself moving on, "and i will admit he is interesting to look at. give him some strapping children and he may well marry you outright, you have seen how soldiers can be."
 she tried to recapture the control of those previous moments with some humour, but she was deeply shaken, aching for eset whom she had begun to fear. suppose her beloved had been denied this second chance? why then had it been given to tavina?

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 Marriage. Now that was as preposterous an idea to Nuri as Tavina lying with a man. “Don’t know that I’m the marrying type,” she giggled, “not good fuh business.”
 It’d make her a mistress who needed to be wooed and tended to. Her demands might be influenced by mood, then. She’d turn unpredictable, and want a man to forfeit himself for her: his home, his name. She could easily undo him and become his enemy.
 But the concubine was not a burden. She only wanted wealth. In her apathetic constancy, she is a man’s accomplice.
 This was not always easy to explain to civilian women, and the look on Tavina’s face as she brushed her off stayed her tongue.
 “Oh, baby. Yuh sad,” she left her hand fall, and did not reach again.

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 "her name is eset." she tried to steady the wobble of her mouth, turning away to spare nuri the ugly openness of a face twisted to tears. "we had no time together before — all this."
 she sighed, an aching woman in the manner of one wiping palms on a ragged skirt as she straightened from the seedlings. "my kingdom is one of gods and pharaohs. it feels as though everyone is moving on without her. except me," tavina managed, hazarding another glance into nuri's exquisite features. yes. her desire was whole; her lust gratefully wakened from its torpor. but to misplace it; to use the fellahin as men did — no. let them be companions but she would not belabour nuri with her grief.

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 Oh, Tavina. The coy’s eyes were wide, glossy moons upon the doctor and she understood nothing like the total loss she heard reflected in that choking voice. To lose a partner, a friend, a confidant… “I’ll pray for yuh. And Eset.”
 Her ears fell back, her neck arched forward until lips pressed ever-so lightly into the feathered cheek. “Yuh get lonely, yuh come to me.” She pulled her kiss but kept her face upon the woman.
 “Life’s too short to spend it by yuhself,” didn’t Nuri know that?

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 a soft deprecating sound. "maybe i will. thank you, nuri. for your prayers and for your — offer," tavina said, lingering there so that both pretty ears would understand she comprehended what was on offer and was not against it.
 that kiss felt too good, dangerously so; her heart began to race again. "good luck on your endeavours. if you ever need peace, i am here."
 here with her seedlings and her empty heart.
 she hoped she could be better company another time. "now. before you go, here," and she pointed toward a tiny lavender shoot. "this can be yours. name it, nurture it. lavender is a fine scent to wear."

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 “Thank yuh," her eyes delighted over the long purple sprig. Woody, sweet notes wafted in the cooling air all around them. It had been too hard to find such fragrant flowers in Kemet when the nile floods drowned new seeds and rotted the roots of maturing plants. Nuri brushed her neck into the soft bracts, inhaling deeply, audibly.
 “I’ll call it… Gentlewoman.” With a cheek still grazing the sand, she glanced ardently up at Tavina, holding her purpled eyes a long moment before leaving the sesh to her garden.

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 long after nuri departed, tavina remained as she was, shoulders bent at work. the memory of the servant's honeyed eyes scorched through her as did a conflagration — she touched the plantlet named gentlewoman and let go.
 let go into a deluge of saltwater that seemingly had no end, tavina surrendering another degree of hope to this burning place.

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