give me meaning

Tove kept her gaze away from Draevo’s lifeless form as best as she could. The prickling curiosity and guilt lingered, leaving her nauseous and dizzy, but she refused to succumb to the weight of those emotions. It was a deliberate act of self-preservation, a conscious choice to shield herself from the haunting image that threatened to etch itself into her soul. It had made her dizzy. Her eyes had only merely lingered before her view was blocked, she had only looked into the empty gaze for a few seconds but it was enough to make her shiver with grief. To haunt her dreams, to stain her memories. The thought of Gjalla discovering the truth gnawed at her—would she smell the scent of death on their coats? Would she know it was her brother? Would she know it was Tove's fault?

Despite the turmoil within, Tove focused on Faust, the man before her. She found herself wavering under the weight suddenly pressed into her but she squared her shoulders, her own head lowering to meet Faust. She let him pull her to him. Blood - his blood and the fallen prince's blood - coated the soft tendrils of her chest but she didn't move. She didn’t move from Faust’s side. She stayed where she belonged. Where she wanted to be.

"No, Faust," she murmured, her words hesitant, delicate, pulled from clenched teeth, a fragile melody against the heaviness that hung around them. Tove let out a tremulous sigh of air, holding back a whine. It tickled the light furs on his neck, closest to her snout. “He didn’t hurt me.” He didn’t, did he? Not really. It hadn’t gone that far, hadn’t gone far enough that her virtue had been stolen from her. She had been the first to draw blood, she had teased him, and then…

The sight of what was left of him flashed in her mind.

All of this, because of her.

Holding back a glimmer of tears, her paw, initially hesitant, found its way to the back of his neck, gently entwining within the coarse fur, a subtle gesture of comfort. Tove's touch was warm and gentle, a lifeline amidst the lingering echoes of brutality. A lifeline for even her. As Faust held her, his own weight shivering against muscled legs, the woman continued, her voice a soothing balm. Tender. Loving. “I’m here, with you.” The words were a promise, an affirmation that even in the aftermath of such darkness, she remained by his side. Even as she grappled with her own doubts, attempting to understand his duality, she would remain. Her gaze, though wet and troubled, held an unwavering strength - a quiet acknowledgment that they would face whatever came next together. “Always.”

It was a promise she’d whispered to him under the canopy of wisteria, before everything. Before she'd even fully understood what she'd meant. The weight of her words.

Always.

He was her always.

She wasn’t going anywhere.

The air around them was still heavy. It carried the scent of rain, blood, and damp earth. The stench of death. Of grief. Of pain, regret. It clung to both of them; it always would. It was a tangible reminder of the irreversible events that had unfolded tonight, that they would be forever changed. In midst of it all, Tove's heart ached and cried for Faust, for the torment etched on his face and the weight of the choices he had just made tonight. She knew she didn't understand it all and while she knew she couldn't erase the brutality he had unleashed, she still offered him a quiet anchor, a reminder that, despite the darkness, the brutality, she was here.

She buried her snout deeper in his furs with folded ears, careful of the wounds he now held, holding him. Tove knew she would have to get him back, to now help him, but for now, she stayed put. She would stay here as long as he needed. As long he needed an anchor, a support beam. “Always, Faust.” She repeated in a whisper, the hushed words easily missed if he wasn’t listening, her voice a tremble.

Always.

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There was only relief on his features. Good, that slimy beast hadn't touched her. While he knew she wasn't a pure angel, just as the rest of them, it didn't sit right with him that this brute could have his way with her. While Faust had never questioned who her first was, he certainly wasn't going to allow such malicious conditions fall onto her. A burden that she'd have to carry. He lifted that weight from her shoulders, slaughtered him in fact, and left the remnants of him for the world to see. If it were up to him entirely, he'd have this male's head mounted on a spike and planted outside their borders. A sign. A blaring warning to not fuck with them.

Shit. Maybe he was losing his mind. His emotions were clearly running rampant, heightened by the fresh taste of blood, amplified by the adrenaline that was still making its way through his system. He couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't. If he only imagined the way that Tove's breath tickled the fur around his neck. Or if she had promised that she would be there for him always.

It was such a dangerous sentiment. One that he wouldn't take lightly. Not anymore. Since he had been dropped on this world alone, been alone for the previous month, he knew exactly what it was like to be starved by her mere presence. Her soft allure. The calmness that she projected through a magnetic aura. It drew him in— it drew all of them in. It soothed him like a bed time story. A lullaby from the Star Mother herself. To what end would go to make sure they stayed with him? How many deaths will be tied back to him? How much blood would fill his belly? There wasn't a definite answer. Now, as his heart beat against the cage of his ribs, he'd burn the entire world before any of them would leave him. Tamir, Tove, Arcturus. Savan. He would burn every inch of it, scorching any other living creature, just for the sake of them.

And he would do it again and again if it meant they could live a thousand lifetimes after him. They deserved it.

There had been guilt there, too, for allowing himself to lose it over the sight of her with another male. She had every right to do so. He was going to turn the other way, in fact, until he heard the harsh 'no,' that came firmly from her prettied lips, and the growls that ensued. She didn't need a babysitter, and yet he came running to her, and she had been the one to coddle him in the end. With the pressure of her paw flattening against the nape of his neck, he sucked in a harsh breath and released it with a heavy sigh.

Always. She repeated it again.

Always, always, always. It burned in the back of his mind. Committed the sound of desperation that tacked onto it. Stacked with the promise she had made. Faust never took promises seriously, finding that words were just as slippery as ice, but he never thought that Tove would lie to him. Her promise meant more to him than the Goddess herself. It was there, written in the stars, how hymnal her voice was against the curves of his ears. And he couldn't help the grovelling whimper that tumbled from the depths of his throat against the furs of her neck. It was a timbre meant for her ears out of pure instinct. Her promise, vow, brought him to ruin before her very eyes.

"You said you'd never think of me as a monster," he recalled, almost laughing as he said it. Ironic now, wasn't it? That she saw him gut a man from the inside out for the sake of her. How she cradled him so gently against her with an emotion dare he call love, would prove him otherwise. Yet, she would be profoundly insane if she still saw him as the same man that he was before. The man that he was supposed to be without question. Honorable. Duty bound. Determined. Strong. Brave.

That's all he ever wanted to be in her eyes. Nothing more.

But the carcass beside them screamed with anything but.

"Is that still true?"

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Tove’s heart ached, a dull pain in her chest that wouldn’t quiet and it only seemed to heighten when his whimper whispered out like a secret he hadn’t meant to spill. It made her grip tighten, pulling him closer to her. She longed to tell him that everything would be okay, that none of this mattered. She wanted to so badly but it was not that simple. Nothing ever was for them, was it?

"Faust… I-I..I'm...” she began with a soft stammer, struggling to find her voice, a choke caught in her throat. It felt heavy, stuck. She swallowed hard, her throat dry and constricting. His question hung heavy in the air between them and she wished she could easily answer him, easily tell him what he wanted to hear. The conflicting images of the man before her and the ferocious beast he had been just moments ago clashed within her, creating a turmoil that mirrored the chaos around them. It hung above them like a heavy storm cloud, determined to continue its path of destruction.

A shiver ran down her spine as she pulled her head back, her gaze fluttering behind Faust, towards Draevo’s lifeless form. It made her stomach churn, her entire body tightening with despair. Was Faust a monster? Had Draevo been one? Had he been the real monster in all of this? Her mind whirled with doubt, with uncertainty, trying to cling to any answer. To Anything. The duality of his existence played a haunting melody in her mind, a melody she was grappling to comprehend and safely pass through. It was like a maze she couldn't quite crack, a riddle that had her stumped.

‘You said you'd never think of me as a monster,’ Faust's words reverberated in her ears, a reminder of promises made in gentler times. It kept Tove thinking, kept her considering everything and soon enough, she found something. It was a kernel of hope, of light peaking through the storm cloud that hung over them. An answer. That kernel was a beacon, flashing at her, calling to her.

She couldn't miss it.

“You’re not a monster.” Her voice was louder this time, almost certain, an attempt to convince herself just as much as him. It still trembled but she kept her gaze on him, her chin up. Her eyes gleamed under the moonlight. “You… You saved me from one…Monsters don't do that…Monster’s don’t question if they’re monsters or not.”

She shook her head, her voice becoming clearer as she continued. Her paw pushed harder against his neck as if she were holding on for dear life, and maybe she was. “I may not fully be able to wrap my head around tonight and I don't know when I will but... I don’t see a monster when I look at you. I see Faust. I see you. I.. I have seen the gentleness you try so hard to hide, your own grief, your love for Velaris, for Tamir, for Savan.. For me. I didn’t know this darkness existed but it doesn’t define you. It’s not you. You are all of those other things too, Faust.”

She leaned forward if he’d allow, dragging her snout across his with careful hesitance, delicate. She trembled. Her mind flashed to Draevo, how she’d done something similar to him and her eyes squeezed shut, her heart a rapid thrum in her chest. The stench of his blood, the death - it clung to everything around them but she focused on Faust’s scent, let it ground her, let it remind her.

Yet, beneath her conviction and the words she spoke, an inner struggle still persisted, still lay deep below the surface. It left her haunted with more questions, the weight of it all heavy in her chest.

But it was still there. That beacon, that hope.

Faust was still the man she’d known her whole life. He was the boy who’d befriended her with no one else would, who’d seen past her oddness, her peculiar hobbies. The boy who had shared dreams and secrets under the moonlight, who had kept her company as she searched through meadows. The boy who had laughed at her jokes. The boy who had been one of her first friends. The boy who had let her in his circle, invited her to be one of them. The boy who had made her feel like she belonged.

Darkness or not. Brutality or not, Faust was him.

She knew she couldn't untangle the threads of his duality in one night, but the beacon of hope persisted. So, Tove said it again, whispered against his skin, her voice steady this time. "Always." Unwavering despite it all. It was a promise, not only to Faust but to herself- a commitment.

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