Save the pain for another day

Set a few hours after this

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After leaving the woman to wallow in what had just occured, Rosencrantz wandered off to take the long way back to the glacier gardens where @Blackfoot might be still waiting for him. This time he felt a certain level-headedness about it as he approached.

There was a feeling of numbness as he wandered in the moonlight as snow cascaded from the heavens above. The stars were shrouded by the clouds as the moon bathed in their mist-like tendrils. A familiar sensation of unfeeling which should bring back the safe companion Blackfoot had once thought she found in him.

So long as he could satiate himself elsewhere, he could keep that part of him at bay as they travelled. Whatever Blackfoot saw in him was a moment of weakness, an insanity to think he might have shaken the shadows of his father's shadow.

Provided he stopped fighting the thing he was born to be, perhaps he could live a somewhat fulfilled life now that he didn't have to pretend to be something he wasn't. After all, hadn't he fought long enough and proved it was futile? He was tired. And there was comfort in familiarity.

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He'd walked off after their argument, to her it was like a child shying away from accountability. Part of her wondered what he would do now but after their previous conversation, she felt --no-- she knew that he would return. Tomorrow, that's when they would leave.

Perhaps he couldn't handle what was being said. Had she pushed too hard? No. No, he was a big boy. He could handle the truth... Or perhaps he would just wallow in his own pity.

The dark she-wolf sighed as she laid in their den and dozed. Near her were two hares. A peace offering of sorts, she supposed. He must be hungry, anyway. She'd caught them earlier and instead of eating immediately, had decided to wait on him. Why? She didn't bother asking herself.

And after she smelled his stench cutting through her light sleeping, she realized she shouldn't have caught him anything. It woke her from her slumber, it was sharp and pungent.

It reeked of poor choices.

She didn't growl at him, simply curled up as she lost her appetite and didn't bother to greet him as he came closer. Instead, she turned her back to the den entrance and tried to ignore him. That was all he fucking deserved after she wasted her breath on him earlier.

Except, she just couldn't keep quiet.

With him, she always had to say something when she felt things weren't right. She hated it, she hated that for some reason she cared. That for some reason she couldn't let his personal business be his own. "Done whoring yourself out?" Unfortunately, she was no wordsmith and was not a woman with a kind heart to say friendly words to boost someone's mood. Hers were cutting, pointed, meant to cause a reaction and cut immediately to the heart of a problem.
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Perhaps he should have washed himself off before coming around to Blackfoot, but frankly, it didn't seem to matter enough to him. They weren't mates anyway. It didn't seem attainable thus far when it came to Blackfoot so why put in the effort? Perhaps she thought better of him just as he did with Sorina, but as that song went, so would this one. Her fate was misplaced and he was nothing but a whore now as he always was. Getting lost in the euphoria of pleasure whenever he could.

As he neared he planted himself at the entrance of the den. Away from Blackfoot's touch but enough to create a blockade from the wind and cold where she lay. With her back to him. Ignoring his existence. Which was fair. It was better this way wasn't it?

He didn't expect her to speak either. That they would just move on the next day as if nothing occurred. Her words were aimed to kill, to hurt - and perhaps they would have if it wasn't for the numbing he had applied with the help of Delgata. That disgusting coating of protective scum that made such accusations run off his back like water on a duck's back.

It was a shame. Nauseating how this is what he needed to be level-headed.

“Do you want the truth?”

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 He settled there, away from her as they kept a wide berth between them. He hadn't looked at her earlier that day and she didn't look at him now. The only thing she stared at --glared, really-- was the wall at the back of the den. She traced the outline of the hard dirt as it met with small stones, splotches of lighter and darker earth, and sparse frail roots that twisted underground. She worked studiously crafting designs in her mind with the different shapes as she tried --and failed-- to focus on anything else but him. He didn't react to her verbal poke, just laid there behind her, silently blocking off the cool arctic air. Pathetic. Defend yourself! Do anything... And yet, he did nothing except shoot her a question.

 Did she really want to know? There was a pause as the woman debated on telling him to "fuck off" but... at this point, wasn't the bee already out of the hive? So, at length, she said, "Like keeping things honest." It went paw-in-paw with trust. It was all they had out here. Claws, fangs, and trust. To keep things honest with each other as best as they could. They had no reason not to. Besides, if she went around doubting his words or he her own, how long would they last together?

 Although, she wondered if he'd divulge all of the sordid details. Yeck... "Will another pack be after us? Her voice was curt, hedging on irritation. Hopefully he hadn't stooped so low a to put them into danger again.

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Even with their backs turned to one another, he could feel the burning gaze in his. He wasn't certain what made her more furious. The way he walked away from her as she demanded answers from him earlier, or the distinct smell of sex still lingering on his pelt. Something that she must have grown accustomed to now, and yet, it was infuriating the woman. Wasn't this better than trying to make a move on her again?

But as she spoke his answer came quite clear. It was a valid concern and one he wouldn't blame her for asking. Drawing his shoulders up into a deep shrug, he was careless of it now. Lifted for the time being out of his spiralling thoughts and lost in the shadow that was creeping up on him.

The hollow man accepted his fate as such. No longer running from the snarling beasts on his trail. “Not if we keep moving.” Now was the real question. Would she still remain despite it all? Despite seeing the real Rosencrantz that she travelled with? The disgusting, vile creature that haunted her presence with his own toxic fumes.

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 There was silence as she lay there, after her question. Normally such a silence was comfortable, this time it was an uncertain and uncomfortable one as she was unsure if he could answer her question negatively. At first, she assumed what she said would be an obvious "no" but the longer they waited. The more she realized that things were about to go from bad to worse.

 “Not if we keep moving.”

 And there it was. He had done something else stupid. By whatever was holy above, let it not be because of the sexual musk she smelled on him. Let it be any other reason.

 Where she'd felt only disappointment before, now was the return of that familiar feeling of anger. The one she leaned on the most in her life. However, she did not growl. Her hackles didn't rise and she didn't glare at him. Instead, she calmly uncurled herself and turned to look at him. On the outside, she was the picture of impassivity. On the inside, rage bubbled beneath the surface, ready to explode.

 Her eyes gazed at the back of his head coolly. "Oh?" Even when she spoke, it was measured and calm. If one didn't know better, they'd think she was taking the news quite well. "Would you care to elaborate on why that is, Rosencrantz?" Every word calmly spoken, not even stunted and curt as was the norm. "Enlighten me why we now need to be concerned about another pack. I'm all ears."

 The calm before the storm.

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Now why in the sweet hell would he do such a thing? It was ridiculous to think that Blackfoot might not be affected by any of this as well, that the thought of fleeing from yet another pack wouldn't piss her off in any way shape or form - perhaps he had a death wish. Maybe his last fuck had flown right out the window as he now walked within the shadow of his titan of a father instead of running from it. There was a silence that brewed behind him but he could hear her shift, knowing she was now facing him in some way.

Meanwhile he, didn't bother to move.

Elaborate, she demanded in a cool tone. A viper just waiting for a reason to strike. Moments away from lunging into what they considered to be a threat.

And with an air of absolute carelessness, he answered. With the same level-headed chill as she. “You know why.” She could smell it. The pieces were there to make out the full picture.

Yet still, even if his gaze was on the horizon, watching and waiting for her move - he acted as if he was simply ready to sleep with his back turned to her. The golden hues of his eye catching the moonlight illuminating the colours of his steely gaze.

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 “You know why.” Yep. She sure did but she was hoping against all hope that he would be able to clarify something or perhaps explain away the damning picture that had been painted. But, no. It was exactly how she thought. Him fucking himself into problems and dragging her down with him. For all intents and purposes she should leave. Grab both hares and just be gone.

 However, she wasn't letting him off that easy. Not when they'd had it well for a little while and now he was deciding to slowly ruin their chances of being up here peacefully. One fucking pack at a time.

 Or more aptly. By fucking one pack at a time.

 She gave no warning, said nothing. All she did was rise to her paws and then, lunged at him. The viper ready to strike.

 She didn't use her teeth; she didn't want to actively scar him or draw blood. Instead, she led with her paws with the intent to smack the back of his head and push his stupid face into the dirt. Plus, it left her mouth open to say lovely things like, "What the actual FUCK is your problem?! Are you trying to get us both killed? Are you allergic to making any FUCKING good choices? GROW THE FUCK UP!" You know, kind encouragement as she was known for. While she looked at him with her narrowed eyes, pinned ears, barred fangs, and fluffed up fur. All of those positive things...

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There was something humiliating in the way she pushed his head down into the snow and dirt - there was a clear preference here that Blackfoot had bitten him instead. There was pride in wounds and surviving another day after the battle. The feel the hardened scabs and sore bruises warmed under the sun’s touch - but this, to be treated like some whelp who had pissed on the rug and had his nose rubbed into it was aggravating.

Letting out a growl of disapproval, he did little to fight against her other than shake the woman’s foot off.

With the way she yowled, they would have to move now rather than in the morning a she was alerting anyone who may be on the lookout for Delgata’s assailant. Holding his tongue to tell her to keep her voice down, they would deal with it if it were to occur.

Twisting just enough to gaze at the oceanic eyes glaring down at him, his one golden eye aflame with a life of its own. Holding no fury and sorrow like before, but a wild, untamed brilliance. Lifeless like the flickering flames of the forest fire that had taken his face. That same voiceless burn yearning to take everything in its path and turn it to ash.

“You’re free to leave.” Was all he replied. Simple. Frigid.

Shocker they all had left him prior, am i rite?

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 He didn't even fight back. Didn't turn, didn't snarl, didn't do anything but shake his head to dislodge her. She landed on the ground, forelegs splayed apart as she stared at him with incredulous anger. Their roles appeared to have reversed from earlier with him staring back coolly and she the one with fury ringing in her eyes. And yet... as she looked down into that molten eye, she found herself drawn by the wildness of it. The sharp color, wild and dangerous as a fire. She felt like a moth caught in its brilliance.

 What the fuck have you done to me?

 She forced herself to look away, growling as she glared at the falling snow outside. To his simple reply, she had nothing to say back. Only a wordless snarl as she lunged again... and stopped short. Instead of snapping her fangs down on him, she would aim to do it near his head, unable to draw blood. Unable to do what even her mother would easily have done to her. She couldn't draw his blood, not unbidden, not without a real reason to do it. His blatant stupidity did qualify.

 Unfortunately.

 "Would be the logical choice. Just like when I left the shores," She was practically huffing with her rage. "For you." A pause as she let the words wash over them both. All of this rage was for him. Her doing whatever it took to help him, despite her natural inclination to shun such inane behavior. Yet... even when she was working herself ragged, when she was wasting away at the shores, when she took in that stupid pup... he had also remained. Was it loyalty that didn't let her leave? Or that strange flickering of something that he'd awoken that day that he tried to make a move on her? She shook her head, as if physically trying to remove her thoughts. "You are actively working against our survival. Do you not understand this?" She was pissed, shaking with rage and.... indecision.

 It would be so much easier to walk away... and yet she wouldn't. Couldn't. Despite the illogicalness of it, she still remained and spoke to him.

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They remained for a moment, locking eyes to eye and though he couldn't read what was within the seafoam hues of hers - he almost dared her to fight him. Would she see him as the threat he truly was and choose to end his and everyone's suffering that was within his burning reach?

Instead, she looked away. Tearing their eyes apart and he would be lying if he said he wasn't disappointed. Not a flinch as she suddenly luged, snapping her teeth just inches away from his face. Falling short. Here he could retaliate. Snap at her own face and break that nose of hers, rip off her mandible and leave her to starve, gouge the woman's eyes out or tear off the remaining bits of her ears. But he wouldn't. Even if the violence flashed through his eyes, daring her to initiate, to begin this deadly dance of theirs and see if she could surmount that instinctual desire to go on when internally he had enough.

“You're free to do as you please.” From the very beginning she was not bound to him. They were companions, but not bound by anything than the desire to leech off of one another. And they still could if she turned a blind eye to his sins. “I am Birserkir, I will not fight it any longer.”

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 "I know." She hissed at him. She knew full well that she was not bound to him, that she could leave whenever she wanted. Yet, she remained and did not want to leave for gods knew what reason. "I know I can leave..." Then do it. A voice hissed in her mind.

 No.

 She let out an angry exhale of air and sat down, her head lowered... almost in a defeated posture. "Don't want to leave you..." She clenched her teeth together, glaring at him, but not moving to throw herself at him. She wouldn't hurt him. Couldn't until he did it first. For some reason, there was something within her that forbid it. "Don't know why. But don't want to..." Did she need to speak what was unspoken? "Have your back. You have mine. Been that way for a long while now. You piss me off. But don't want to leave..." Even if it makes me stupid. Her fangs bared but it was not intended for him. It was at herself for her inability to do anything but sit here next to him because of her... attachment. It made her feel weak.

 "What is 'Birserkir'?" That, at least, could hopefully be answered in concrete terms.

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Don't want to leave, she said. And all he could think was what a mistake she was making.

If she didn't want to leave, then she should accept the thing he was. It would make it easier for her anyway. If he stopped fighting it, then so should she.

Nothing occurred after her initial lunge. Blackfoot pulled back and annoyed with herself remained seated. In the meantime, he turned to face the outside of their little temporary den as well. Casting his golden hue onto the silent horizon of snow glistening against the moonlight. It was beautiful, a beauty he couldn't wish to obtain any longer.

“It's your desicion.” Callously he answered. Within the walls he had rebuilt, taller than the ones she had peeked over recently, he was thankful. In a strange way. As though for once, he was no longer alone but had someone there for better or for worse. It would destroy her, that he was certain, but he was grateful for her attempts nonetheless.

A twist of his one full ear turned to catch her question. If only she knew. Just how infamous they were, how the name use to strike fear like lightning to a rod. Igniting fire and burning all in its path when chosen. “My birthright.” The words bitter when spoken, a taste he would grow accustomed to once more.

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 Was this their path, then? Him fucking shit up and she sticking by his side? In exchange, she would have a companion she could trust and one that she knew would help her should she need it. If she could deal with his rank stench... and the feelings that fluttered within her when she looked into his eyes. That strange dancing confusion that helped bind her to him unofficially.

 "You will tell me when you have fucked up. You will not keep secrets." That much she would demand so that she could prepare herself and them for any altercations that might arise. "Will afford you the same." Not that she ever assumed that she would fuck up in the way that he did. "Best for survival."

 And then, he explained --or not-- this "Berserkir". The woman rolled her eyes but did not question further. Fine. Keep it to himself, be mysterious. She didn't care enough. What she did care about? "Need to leave. Now. Don't trust being near the pack." They'd she had already made too much noise and were too close to the pack. If they left now they would have the cover of nightfall when the pack was least active.

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Things have finally cooled off and he thought perhaps they could finally have some sleep so they could get an early move in the morning - grunting acknowledgement for her desire to be told of what he does, it was the least he could do at least if she couldn't keep him tethered and prevent such events from happening in the first place. Closing his eye, he was just about to start drifting off until —

"Need to leave. Now. Don't trust being near the pack."

With a heavy sigh he rolled back onto his feet, sluggish but smooth all the while. Despite wanting to rest, she was right - after all he thought the same thing earlier with her yelling out into the silent night.

“We make our way South.” At least until things up here cooled off. Making distance between the fuck ups he has done in the North and perhaps finding refuge elsewhere - for a while at least until his demons demanded satisfaction again.

Not bothering to shake the snow from his coat, he turned just his head while facing out to glance at her over his shoulder. Signalling that he was ready to move when she was.

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 At least he didn't argue with her words. He grunted, a satisfactory noise that she nodded to. Good. Honesty, transparency. So she wouldn't be smacked in the face with terrible news again. He also didn't protest when she demanded that they leave, instead he just sighed and rose to his paws. Also good. "South. To the coasts. Where it's warmer." She felt like he owed her a chance to be near the warmer beaches and general warmer weather after all this shit. He'd be fine for a little while as they laid low from the tundra packs.

 Plus, she didn't care if she froze her ass off. She was going to swim somewhere, damn it.

 With that decided, she turned and grabbed one of the hares and then swung it onto Rosencrantz's back. "Travel first. Eat later when safer." The hares were very cold at this point, but it was still food. She picked up her own hare in her maw and then nodded her head. She was ready.

 Sleep would be nice but they didn't have that luxury right now. They had to move on before the pack became wiser to their whereabouts. Focus on the road. Travelling. Keeping safe. Nothing else. All that mattered was them, no one else. For now, they were fine.

 Firmly, she would try to shove her emotions to the side until later. Inhaling deeply through her nose and focusing on other things... until they would inevitably rise again and demand her attention. She fought it ad denied it... but her companion had awakened something in her that refused to be ignored no matter how hard she tried.

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