[ ✧ ] Me and Susie had so much fun

(for @Baelfire!)

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He'd continued onwards, coming across a field of beautiful flowers; Ani found himself truly smiling as he lay among the flowers, feeling perfect and well-rested, until the sound of shattering and cracking returned, and the child let out a loud cry. Writhing and turning, they pawed at their face, tears welling in pain as their head screamed in agony, a burning migraine piercing through his head as everything went white.

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"Be good, kids," Their mother would smile, tail swaying as she planted an affectionate kiss upon her husband's cheek. No, no, he remembered this one, this memory, this nightmare. It was the worst one; it was the one where mother didn't come back. He cried out, though remained small and puppy-like in the memory. "I'll see you soon, okay?" It had been a lie.

Ani was brought to another memory, being dragged along as if he was but a rag to be used to clean and wipe away any evidence of what was once a happy, loving, perfect family. He shivered. "I'm so sorry . . ." Their father would whisper, bringing himself forwards as his closest friend – the one he'd end up marrying – took place besides him, tail rested comfortingly on his own. "Mother, she's . . . She's not coming back this time."

They'd wept together, they'd cried, they'd snifelled and been silent for days onwards. It was a terrible time for all of them. It was awful, and when Ani's father remarried, Aniketos found themselves angry, and--

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--And now he was here, panting as he lay in the flowers. Their gaze trickled around them, landing upon someone he didn't know, and the child quickly pulled themselves up and took a few steps back, nose wrinkling. “Ποιος--?!” — "Who--?!" He growled for a moment, blinking a few times. No, this stranger probably didn't understand the kids mother tongue.

“Who are you?!”

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Seeing the other almost thrashing among the plants, Baelfire approached with some degree of caution. While much larger than the younger, smaller wolf, he was first and foremost unwilling to lift a paw to use force. Upon a time, back in New Caledonia, he had broken that vow to save their king — but it didn't get him anywhere. He didn't do it for rank or prestige. He did it to defend his home. That all crumbled to dust in his paws. The woman he had loved rejected him after his devotion to her plight. The kingdom was at his back as he left in the middle of summer.

Dragonford would burn without proper leadership, and he hoped for the pack's sake that would come to pass. Baelfire did not want to become disappointed in a community or betrayed again. He sought to make his own. But that was not why he approached this one. "I saw you squirming and heard you whimpering" he tells the boy bluntly but not unkindly. His head tilts to the side, regarding the younger wolf "and I cannot turn both blind eyes to someone in pain." As a healer, it was his duty to help in any way possible he could. He turned his head to reveal his one singular useless eye, briefly.

He turns it back, the red in place. Focused. "I am Baelfire" he answers the question "more or less, I am a vagabond and a healer. Do you feel better, now that you are awake?" He was not asking the boy to share anything though. If they snapped and snarled at him, all offended and defensive... He would just walk away.

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"I saw you squirming and heard you whimpering," He'd been causing a racket, Ani partially knew, but he didn't think it'd be as bad as squirming and whimpering; the boy shuddered, though continued listening to the stranger with a squinted gaze. As if Ani should believe him, right? "--and I cannot turn both blind eyes to someone in pain." The sire showed one of his glazed, cloudy eyes to the kid, as if he were making a joke, and Ani merely huffed.

Luckily, their question was answered relatively quickly without anymore toying and waiting. "I am Baelfire, more or less, I am a vagabond and a healer. Do you feel better, now that you are awake?" Their breath hitched in their throat, eyes downcasting at the question. Aniketos supposed that he did, in fact, feel better . . . but honestly, that wasn't enough; they wanted to be with their mother again, unlike the other pups his age who'd cry for freedom and who'd probably love a place without their parents.

He nodded wordlessly, clicking his tongue thoughtfully.

“Yes.”

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There was not much to be done for someone who refused help. Baelfire learned this ages ago, and he put it to practice now. He merely nods at the youth's short reply, before taking one last attack at it. "Good, then your family will be pleased to know you're feeling better." A youth, often alone, was one without a family to call their own. He guessed the unit was more or less broken, or the youth was abandoned. He hoped that was not the case, even with their poor attitude.

Baelfire turned, swinging his body away from them. He had every intention of walking away if this was the end of the conversation. With no name given to him, there was little to be done. One-sided talks were not his forte, even if he could easily fill in gaps or guess things. If the youth didn't appreciate his words, or concerns, he would move on. Simple as that. The man held back saying not to take a nap in public, or give any other advice. It was apparently not needed or welcomed.

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Baelfire gave a nod, before speaking once more, his words successfully pulling at Ani's heartstrings; "Good, then your family will be pleased to know you're feeling better." The kid gave a small wince, shaking his head softly. Baelfire moved away as if he were going to leave, and Aniketos was quick to jump up after him. “Um, they're not here,” He hurriedly said. “I'm Aniketos, um, please don't leave yet.”

He didn't want to be alone. Not again. Not now. Stay with me, please.

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Not here. Ah.

"Did you just awaken in this world?" Baelfire asked, pausing his movements as the lad hurried over to him. Slowly he turned his neck to look back, his expression softly wondering and also a bit sympathetic. He mulled over the boy's words before turning to face him fully, looking down (not by ego but by height) at them. While he did not know the deep pain of being abandoned as a child, the man had nonetheless been disowned and abandoned. Left for dead.

"It is normal to not..." he trailed off briefly, searching for the correct wording "find companions or even family when you wake up here" It would explain the boy's attitude and also his sleep. Troubled by dreams of the previous life. Something Baelfire was accustomed to, honestly. Aniketos, if he just woke up, would be lost and confused "I was alone when I woke up, by the ocean." He turns his head west, nodding to the Mountains. Ah, it seemed so long ago.

His eye retreated back to the lad. "No one of my past life followed me here, and it seems it happens rarely in this world to my knowledge" He squints somewhat as if thinking "do you remember anything from before you woke?" Baelfire attempted to calm the lad down by walking Aniketos through what happened.

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"Did you just awaken in this world?" Ani gave a quick nod, eyes casting around the little forest in an anxious manner. How had he gotten here? Right, he'd walked. His memories flickered in and out, mixed with ones of his past and ones of the present. Aniketos blinked for a moment, ears perked towards Baelfire. "It is normal to not . . ."

He trailed off, though continued. "--find companions or even family when you wake up here," That sounded terrible! Aniketos wanted nothing more than to be with his family again, so to know that they may not be here gave him a feeling of despair, of hopelessness. The kid quite simply wanted nothing more than for them to be here. Would their wishes be granted? Most likely not. "I was alone when I woke up, by the ocean." “That sounds . . . lonely,” They whined.

"No one of my past life followed me here, and it seems it happens rarely in this world to my knowledge; do you remember anything from before you woke?" “Memories come back to me in visions,” Aniketos explained. Their eyes were creased with the tales of nightmares and sleepless night; the child grappled with exhaustion every time they lie to rest. A poor whelp should not have to go through such a thing, and yet, they do. He does. “Bursts of pain that I'm forced to re-live . . . and it feels so real. It hurts, it's painful, though I know it shouldn't be. I feel terrible when I have to relive the death of my mother. Realising she's not with us anymore. My father remarrying--”

He took a breath. “It hurts.”

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"I am sorry."

It was all he could offer. Words. It was up to the young wolf how they took it and interpreted such things for themselves. Words could comfort, but they could also harm. Bae always made sure to do more good than harm. He knew the pain of losing others in a deep and almost intimate manner. He knew what it was like, but he also preferred it. 

"I lost the woman I loved," He recalls now "though not in death, but in life. Death offers living comfort. It is final, absolute. Nothing can bring back the dead. It is harder to live, to continue on without them in any sense, but you are not left wondering what became of them. It does not hurt beyond grief. That is natural but a difficult process. Remember her fondly, do not focus on the loss."

And such. "I often do. I feel anger over an assumed finality. That I had no say or control over what transpired, that someone decided for me. It was not mutual. I did not receive closure. There was to be no peace from it to this day. I am left wondering and obsessed with what I did wrong. What I could have done differently? Nothing, the logical part of me knows."

But the emotional part? Ha. "I am sorry you lost your mother, and I feel your conflict over your father. It is easy to say he should be happy but I know it does not offer comfort to anyone. It is harder to live with the actions of others and accept them at the same time. I would not welcome the news if my ex-partner found someone new. I would feel... like I was nothing to her."

He shook his head, stifling a growl. All he had done for her, and she threw it back in his face... He had buried children not his own, for fuck's sake. Bae took a breath and focused back on the young wolf. "While it is lonely, you are offered a new beginning here. Your father's mistakes won't come here, I hope. You are free to remember your mother fondly." And in doing so, he hoped the lad would make something out of it.

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Then, something unexpected. Something out of the blue… "I am sorry." Aniketos blinked. Sorry? Really? They barely knew one another, how could Baelfire be sorry for the whelp? He stilled. Unmoving. Until the man spoke again. "I lost the woman I loved," He said. Aniketos nodded. Yes. Then Baelfire went on about life, and death, and how it is impossible to rise from the grave, he assumed. How death could hurt, though the pain was limited to your mind – to the grief. The growing boy couldn't help but think otherwise. "–Remember her fondly, do not focus on the loss." “Okay.” He whispered.

He was angry, too. About the loss of the woman he loved. Aniketos couldn't say he was angry that he lost his mother, no, but angry that his father moved on. It was a natural part of the cycle, he knew, but one that made him feel dirty. He was more… betrayed, by his mother's death, than angered. She was supposed to be there for Aniketos, to watch him grow up, but no. Now she was merely confined to the ground, where her body lay to rest. "–I am left wondering and obsessed with what I did wrong. What I could have done differently? Nothing, the logical part of me knows." Neither of them did nothing wrong, the boy knew, but it still felt like something could've been done. He breathed again. Moving. Unstilled.

"I am sorry you lost your mother, and I feel your conflict over your father. It is easy to say he should be happy but I know it does not offer comfort to anyone. It is harder to live with the actions of others and accept them at the same time. I would not welcome the news if my ex-partner found someone new. I would feel... like I was nothing to her." Aniketos nodded. “It feels dirty,” His voice, quiet and soft, broke out. “To know that my father, who once laid with my mother, may be laying with someone new. In their nest, their den, where my mother once slept.” The boy screwed his eyes shut. Did he hate his father? No, not at all. He hated that he remarried. He hated that he moved on. He hated that he got the chance to be happy, when Aniketos was stuck in a new realm with the memories coming back to him like flashbangs.

It was not fun.

It was not fair.

Not in the slightest.

Baelfire continued, and Aniketos turned his head away for a moment. He couldn't look at him. Not when he felt like he was about to cry. "While it is lonely, you are offered a new beginning here. Your father's mistakes won't come here, I hope. You are free to remember your mother fondly." Nodding their dark, blue-grey head, Aniketos breathed, squeezing his eyes shut once more. Was this really a place for a new chance? To start over with people he could trust? Maybe. “Can you… help me?” He asked, looking up at the scarred man before him. He swallowed the lump rising in his throat. “Can you help me with my new beginning?”

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A few months was probably not going to make the pain lessen. It took years to slow grief, and it never truly went away. Bae had a sneaking suspicion the boy's father didn't give himself time to feel sorrow, shacking up with someone else so quickly it was hurtful. The face he wore to the boy now was grim, somewhat angry. Aniketos was barely a yearling, which meant his mother had probably passed shortly after he was weaned off milk. It felt wrong to move on so suddenly.

"Can you help me?"

Bae snapped back to reality and focused.

"I..." Do not know how. He wanted to say. He had been prepared to be a father upon a time, even if the litter had not been his. How was this any different? "You are free to come along with me, Aniketos" He began again after a very long and deep thought process "though I do not know how much help I can be, aside from listening and offering advice" He admitted, shuffling his paws "I have the ambition to start a pack of my own though I cannot promise it'll come to pass. If I do, I can at least promise others will be around to help as well."

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"I..." Baelfire began. A pit of anxiety began to grow in the whelp's stomach, and their ears fell back to their head. Please don't leave me, his mind begged. Please. It felt like hours, days, weeks had gone past before the child finally received an answer. Ears perking forwards, their eyes lit up. "You are free to come along with me, Aniketos," I won't be left alone again, he thought. "--though I do not know how much help I can be, aside from listening and offering advice…"

“That's good enough for me!” He almost-begged. The pup didn't want Baelfire to make excuses to get rid of him… he just wanted someone to look up to again. That was all. Please. "I have the ambition to start a pack of my own though I cannot promise it'll come to pass. If I do, I can at least promise others will be around to help as well." “Alright.” The kid nodded, too young to really understand, nor have a say. He just wanted to make sure the 'others' were nice to him, please.

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"Then, I will accept you as my ward." New Caledonia instilled a more medieval sort of view, but it was nonetheless valid. Aniketos didn't know Baelfire; it was hasty and insensitive to adopt the boy outright. The man rose, flicking his neck toward the horizon. It was time they got going, or else they would mope around all night. 

"We'll find a place to settle here for the time being" He continued logically "then we'll scout some land for my concept" It was important to keep busy too, else they were both backtracking into sorrow "I'll tell you about Asclepius on the road. You don't have to join it; you'd still be under my watch even if you remained a vagabond."

And he'd be allowed to come and go as he pleased, no affiliation needed. "Does that sound good, Aniketos?"

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"Then, I will accept you as my ward." He said, and Aniketos smiled. He didn't know what the word meant, but it sounded good, and if it sounded good, he was sure that it was. Baelfire continued on with the plan, but it went through one ear and out the other. His brain felt fuzzy, and now he just wanted to take a nap again. "We'll find a place to settle here for the time being, then we'll scout some land for my concept." The whelp gave a nod. Sounded good to him, no matter how sleepy he was.

"I'll tell you about Asclepius on the road. You don't have to join it; you'd still be under my watch even if you remained a vagabond." “N-no, I'll join,” He stuttered, blinking slowly with a soft shake of his head. Why would he want to stay a loner, anyway? That made no sense to him, especially when Baelfire would be the one leading the pack. "Does that sound good, Aniketos?" “Yes, it… sounds good.”

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The boy sounded confused and also looked tired. Bae tilted his head at Aniketos. "I wanted to give you a choice, but if you wished to join - know you can leave at any time if it does not suit you" He wished both happiness and freedom for those under his care, after all "though I hope that to be in the future, not now." Yearlings often went on their way, and he accepted Aniketos would grow.

However, it was almost sad to think about. "Mm, you look too tired to walk. We'll just sleep here tonight. I'll keep watching for a bit." He added, motioning for the boy to curl up and settle. Baelfire gave him an encouraging, soft smile. The man was not at all tired, just exhausted mentally from talking so long and hard. He hadn't expected to unload his own issues on a stranger at the time. He approached Aniketos and gave him a bump on the head with his muzzle.

Attempting to be respectful and also committed to assisting the lad, who needed a parental figure currently. But he wasn't going to push any connection. Bae walked back and turned, settling against the tall foliage here. He turned away, giving Aniketos privacy, and stared at the stars above them.

/fade end

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