Oh, you lured me in I couldn't sense the pain

@Hotaru

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It had been months now and so much has happened since Haruki's new disappearance. He had been gone once before and found his way back, and so Reiko was certain he could do it again if he wanted to. Though a mother couldn't help but wonder for the safety of her first born son, twin brother to last of her first litter and only coming from the once great Izuka clan.

Though their past would be left buried with the terrible memories that accompanied them, the sorrow she felt at losing family once more weighed heavily even with the new children she had brought to Shiroshika with Quicksilver's aid. There was never any replacing a lost son, only remembering and mourning whenever possible. Not enough to take the woman away from her duties as mother, wife and Empress - but enough to honour someone who's presence is left unknown.

Once the new puppies were old enough to be left a little while without her, she would leave their care with @Quicksilver without her for the first time in weeks. An action that took time for her to do like velcro peeling from its counterpart. She'd tuck them in, ensure they all ate, each of their heads were licked and her husband kissed before she left to wander the perimeter of the Pass with a single desire. A few short trips out of the nesting den over the past few days, she had collected a few items - trinkets, stones of value that seemed like something Quicksilver would enjoy. Most of all, the ones who glimmered in the light (optical calcite, amethyst, quartz and moonstones). Anything that reflected the sun or moon's light would do.

She spent most of the day carrying them back and fourth, finding new ones to add to the pile around the base of the pillars.

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It was not the first time Hotaru had passed by the growing pile. She may have avoided her mother, but Shiroshika was still hers and she would do her part as princess and lasting heir to the throne. Patrols had taken her across the jagged peaks as she attempted to learn the trails. It took time, but she was coming to learn the twisting peaks, even if they would never be a permanent home...so...of course, the glint of the sun would attract her gaze when the first stones had appeared.

She had passed by early that morning, her paws taking pause as she saw the height the once small pile had grown to. The early morning shimmered from the stones, reflecting dots of sun that danced along the ground like light through leaves or the ripple of water. Hotaru had her suspicions before, but she was almost certain now what her mother had been doing here...the scent that lingered gave away the creator, but it was what left that spoke words neither she nor her mother could bare to say.

They had always been her light.

Her jaw would grow tight as she resisted the water pooling in her eyes. Deep down she knew she had been harsh, perhaps overly so, but she was mad at the world with only her mother to blame. How...could it have truly been her fault though? What was there that she could have done differently from her mother in her stupid youth? Hell, she was still stupid. Maybe it was just the one way she felt she had control for once in her life...but in doing so she had been unfair to the only family she had left. She didn't want this rift, nor the hate, nor sorrow.

How long until they could be happy again?

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The sharp edges of certain stones cut her mouth while carrying them, as careful as she was, it would leave her tasting a bit of iron at the end of the day. All worth it if anyone was to ask why.

With some downtime, it was the perfect moment to take some time and focus on a little shrine of sorts. One that few if any would know its purpose and she would only hope would be left untouched. With it bordering Vanderfell's walls, it could be something that Reiko could visit regularly enough to check on and pile more stones on if necessary if she found any fitting with every visit.

She could only hope this would be a shrine in memory of her son, and not a grave to remember him by...

With a stone clasped in her jaws, a broken half were within its ugly brown shell was radiating crystals of purple spires, she stopped seeing Hotaru there looking at the little collection. Pausing she wondered if Hotaru had already picked up on its purpose, she was a smart girl, and where she got this cleverness from Reiko couldn't take a guess. Perhaps from her grandmother, certainly not from her mother.

After a moment of watching and appreciating the beauty her daughter had become, the Empress pushed forward. Carefully walked past Hotaru to place the new stone with the rest and organize them as visually appealing as possible and as sturdy as they could get.

Was it appropriate to say something now? It seemed no matter what she would say, Hotaru grew more and more distant and furious. Perhaps silence this time was the best, as she lingered around the stones. Taking care in making sure the colours were all coordinated and complimented one another.

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She hadn't noticed her until it was too late. The pale frame reached into the corner of her vision as surprise quickly had her blink away her half-formed tears. For a moment Hotaru expected to see Sachi, but she knew who it was before her eyes landed on her mother's face. Reiko stayed silent as she pressed forward without stopping to acknowledge her and the pale princess found herself staring unsure if she was thankful or anxious for the silence.

Unprompted, her mother went to work confirming what she had theorized only moments before. There were so many amongst the pile now, each one placed with care and undisturbed. Hotaru only bit her lip as she debated if she should say something. She didn't feel like getting into another argument... but the silence nagged louder than either of them could manage. She didn't want this...and it had come to this because of her.

“...How long?” The words came softly as her voice cut short. She had intended for the question to be about the shrine, but now she couldn't find it in her to continue. Maybe it was because the question could be applied to so much more and she only found herself wanting to know the rest.

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Yearning to speak with her daughter, Reiko fought against the urge to turn and try to mend what was broken between them. Lonely, overburdened with finding her lost children, raising the one she did find and keeping her safe, then there was @Vera and @Kuhn along with his companion @Valmúa - Reiko knew she wasn't the perfect mother this past year and if she could do it all again, there would be a lot she would change.

And others that she would only exchange to mend the broken pieces within Hotaru, or bring Haruki back from wherever he was. While the few she held dear, would probably repeat if she could do so with fewer tribulations along the way.

But that could be nothing but a daydream. Decisions and mistakes were done, and sometimes, as @Izumi and @Quicksilver had said during their own trials... some things were never meant to be mended. Perhaps this was one of them.

At least Shiroshika still stood, and members who found their niche within their ranks remained - despite it all, they clung together and continued onward into the uncertain future together. Best of all, though they didn't speak - Hotaru was still here. She was still safe. Wounded and withdrawn, but alive and well.

How long? The little voice stood out in the thoughts that swirled around in the Empress' head. A knee-jerking reaction of her turning to gaze almost doe-eyed at her daughter, both surprised and beyond thankful to hear something more than bitterness come from her pale lips. “... A few days to collect the stones.” Every so often in between caring for the puppies. “A few months in thought.” Cerulean eyes fell to the ground around the feet of the princess as though the Empress grovelled for forgiveness that it took this long.

They were simply so occupied with surviving up until now where they could breathe for a moment.

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She spun to face her, faster than the pale daughter had anticipated as she quickly averted her gaze to the stones. It was true, she was the one to start the conversation, but she wasn't sure she could look her in the eyes quite yet. Not about this and not while she held that look. She had been mad for so long. Blaming the world for all the misfortunes that had come their way and when that wasn't enough it had shifted to someone she could blame. Someone who...may have played a part in it all, but was innocent and a victim all the same...

Hotaru inhaled and exhaled just deep enough to push back to waves of emotion, but not deep enough to be visible. Her heart thrummed louder than normal filling her chest and ears as her mother's words washed over her. Months. Months squandered with foes and loss only to be replaced with growth and life. Months she had assumed were just that and nothing more in the quiet dark that haunted their minds.

For someone who had grown to be so vocal, she now found herself speechless. She had questions of course, but what good would the answers do? They were all just a grasp at hope or pleading with fates that cared little about them. Maybe they were just as alone as Haruki.

But he had to be alive.

There was still a chance he could come back. Of course her thoughts had wandered to the worst in her darkest hours, but she felt it. Surely she would know if he was gone and presently that was something she was not willing to believe. Why he hadn't returned she couldn't say, but she would pray that his absence had not been voluntary and that he may find his way back once more. However, that would beg one question she could not keep, “Is it a memory or a promise?” In the name of the fallen prince or the breath held until his returned.

She had to feel the same... otherwise, she truly did give up.

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There was an uncertainty that hung in the air. Hotaru had grown sharp and hateful but not without reason. The princess was still beloved by her mother no matter how many hurtful words were spat her way, and perhaps that was the downfall here. Regardless, it wouldn't change. Reiko couldn't come to fathom being angry at her daughter after all they had gone through, what Hotaru herself had been through and continued to battle. Even if her mother extended a paw to try and help, there was no obligation for her to take it if it was too much to accept the help of someone she saw as a reason for it all in the first place.

“Is it wrong for it to be both?” She wished for it to be a reminder of the child who had gone missing, the first prince of Shiroshika and brother to the first Princess. So that his memory would live on, as well as the promise that he was always welcome home no matter how long his travels took. “I do not believe he perished...” Nor did she want to believe it. A mother should never outlive her children after all. “He will always be remembered wherever he is, and welcome home no matter when he decides to.” She would build a million of these until her final breath if she had to to show Haruki and the world that he was never forgotten.

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An answer too perfect. It was the stone to crack the wall that had grown and solidified over time, but it wasn't something she wished to address presently. For a long moment, she was silent, struggling as a tear finally slipped past her just out of sight while Hotaru kept her face turned enough to hide it. “I see—” The words were forced as she attempted to keep them steady, but there were few in this world who would not miss the waiver in her voice. She had nothing left to say and much to think about. So, before her mother could catch a better look at her or try to stop her advances, she'd stand turning to make a hasty retreat.

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Nothing else would be shared but a single coupling of words and a swift departure. Silence fell once again as the distant birds and their songs fell on deaf ears, only hearing the soft drumming of her aching heart seeing the distance grow between herself and her first daughter. She feared Hotaru's complete departure from their lives, and as much as the mother would have liked to ensure her presence within the pack and in her life - she knew how cruel it would be to stop the now young woman from living the life she sought for herself.

With Hotaru out of sight, pale cerulean eyes lowered to the ground in a moment of mournful silence. Turning only after it felt to be an appropriate time to return to fixing up the little bundle of stones. The action felt heavier than before, as though the quick meeting had placed a heavy weight upon her back and there was no certainty how many more she could do before resting was necessary - and if she could find more stones fitting for their purpose.

She would spend the rest of the morning and the majority of the afternoon making a few more along the stone pillars. Returning to relieve Quicksilver from parenting duties as the sun prepare its fall over the stone mountainside and bathe in the still adoring presence of the new children they made.

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