just a wallflower

Amaranth moved Valeska home, guiding the woman toward their den almost mindlessly.

Anxiety. Stress. It pooled around her in such a way that should have made her uncomfortable. And yet, she merely waited for Valeska to join her.

She did not want anyone else here.
She didn't want Harper.
She didn't want Valeska.
She didn't want Amaranth.

No.

It was all new. They would experience everything.
Together.

Frantic, the woman would lay Valeska down in their den, gently nestling her into the familiar grimy earth. Amaranth's eyes roved over the silver frame ... purple meeting gold, and there was a sorrowful sadness there. How could she help her? How? What was left for Amaranth to do?

"Valeska," she'd begin, suddenly and intensely staring at the silver woman who'd all but collapsed in her paws. Amaranth was weakened as well and on the verge of destruction. "Do you trust me?" Those purple eyes lit up, expectant and hopeful and pleading. But in her jaws was a plant — but not just any plant. But a root. A root that would lead to the very epitome of their problems, and perhaps even deeper.

"Let me ... please ..." she would beg, amethyst eyes begging. Her jaws offered the root. Waiting if only for Valeska to imbibe on their spiritual journey together.

Amaranth was prepared, finally, to show Valeksa the truth.
Her past.

The darkness tore her apart. The darkness that she would never share with anyone.

Would that free Valeska of her sins?

Or would it cast Amaranth deeper into her own?

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Pale and glowing in the sun's evening rays like a wanton ghost, Valeska limped wordlessly after her mate, head low and tail dragging behind her. She did not know what Amaranth had planned for the two of them, but she had seemed confident, agitated; as if she knew she held the cure within her paws, and could hardly wait to use it. Soul empty, heart thirsting, the High Priestess allowed her Augur to guide her into the dens, laying at last upon her side with a pained sigh.

Her leg still smarted.

Worry clouded Amaranth's expression as she finished her final preparations, then came to Valeska's side with a mouthful of something vaguely familiar - a root. They had imbibed many in their time together, but somehow it seemed... different, this time.

"Valeska, do you trust me?"

'With all that I am and ever will be,' she thought desperately.

Instead, what came out was a soft, breathless “Yes.”

Valeska bowed her head, accepted the root, and bit off half. Chewed.

Continued to chew.

By the gods, she had almost forgotten how tough it was - then - swallowed.

“Guide me, my Augur,” she said wearily, waiting for the familiar haze to wash over her.

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"Yes."

No! Amaranth wanted to scream back; unwilling to consent.

She was afraid to show her more, and yet, somehow, there was no other option. If Valeska was to realize that she was ... pure. Good. A vessel of the gods, yes, she would have to experience the beauty opposite of that. She would have to see Amaranth at her worst.

She would have to see the devil that took her over.
The devil that ate away at her skin like a sunburn.
The devil that knocked at her doorstep.

As Valeska chewed at the root, a willing and gentle host, Amaranth would eat her own share. Her eyes, purple and broken and hurt, would stare back. There was a fear there. A new emotion that Amaranth had been far too willing to hide before now. "Valeska," she started, fearfully awaiting her mate to drift away into the abyss of emotions that would encompass them. Amaranth lost herself, and it was swift. No, yes. No, she was but a child again.

Maybe Valeska could see her, a child of but 2-3 months of age. Struggling to maintain herself in the water. It was too deep for a child, and Amaranth peddled uselessly in the water ... treading. Trading uselessly. There was nothing that those small legs could have done. There were other puppies too ... struggling, flailing their limbs and screaming for help. Please, father. Please. Help us.

Amaranth's mouth opened, but her mouth filled with water

She was drowning.

No, please. No, this isn't what she wanted.
She wanted to save Valeska.

And here she was.
Drowning again.
Staring at the pile of bones, waiting to be taken away again.

Her siblings were drowning around her.

It was a desert, an oasis ... or was it?

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He's just part of a dreammmmmm

---

Cypress was not real.

Or was he?

That sinister smile permeated as those large paws pressed the children below, submerging them. Paw by paw he would drown them ... one by one. They weren't his, but they were, weren't they? He could have laughed, such a cynical and devilish thing that would have taken him over.

Those large dark golden paws would find Amaranth, and they would press her below the water.

She was so small.

So delicate.
And he couldn't wait to see the last bits of air rise from her lungs.

Serpentine jaws would snap with delight upon the air as he awaited the air to leave their lungs.,
And then he'd be back for their cursed mother.
He would smother her as well.

Goodbyeeee, goodnight.

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The root acted so quickly, she could only grasp weakly at the sad inflection of Amaranth's tone in the seconds before their departure - she opened her mouth to speak, but only a whisper emerged, and though she tried desperately to understand what now brought her such sorrow -

They were gone.

Elsewhere, in another world, another time.

Valeska stood, her wounded limb suddenly healed and unhurt, taking in her surroundings with wide, frightened eyes. This was not Fate's Respite - this was not anywhere she had ever been before, in fact. An endless sea of rolling sands extended far beyond her vision's scope, gusts of hot wind blowing particles of dust and grit in through her lungs; she coughed reflexively, feeling her throat burn.

A scorching yellow sun burned high above the desert, lighting up the infinite dunes like glittering wildfire. She squinted painfully, finding it difficult to see, the heat from the sands rushing up as if her fur might catch ablaze.

She thought she could hear something - someone -

A child's cry rang in the distance, high and sharp, followed by the silken, rolling laughter of a male's deep voice. Startled, Valeska felt herself carried into motion by some force outside of herself, paws scrambling for purchase as she slid through the burning dunes, falling and slipping with every fumbling step - but something was wrong, she was certain, and she had to know what.

Cresting a high mound, panting from the exertion, the silver wolf could see what lay at its base. It was an oasis, holding a deep azure pond at its center, sheltered by several long palms that seemed to waver as if they were alive in the sun's scorching rays. A large figure could be seen at the water's edge, along with several, smaller ones within the pond itself, splashing haphazardly - then quieting. She struggled to see where they had gone, but where once white splashes of liquid had been frantically upturning, now lay still and serene.

Surely they hadn't...?

Valeska began a shaky descent down the slope, straining to keep upright as the unforgiving sand threatened to overturn her at any moment. There was one little shape left, next to the large wolf - and she was certain now that's what it was, his figure large and imposing, crimson like - Alder?

But it wasn't Alder. He had the look of a dragon about him, serpentine and coiled, and his fiery reds were raw, undiluted, his limbs taping into smoldering orange embers. Alder was muted - tame, by comparison.

And he was holding down a child.

She could see flashes of gold darting up beneath his massive claws, plunging it repeatedly into the depths, laughing with a violent joy as the little pup struggled for air.

A golden child with amethyst eyes.

The thundering laughter of the Boar-King echoed within her memory. The sun turned red, the desert itself around her now bleeding, bloodied, soaked through with crimson. Her limbs shook, fur bristling, lip curling instinctively, and a low, rattling growl worked its way up from her throat -
 
 

“LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE,” she roared, feeling the same sensation of rending vocal chords as when she had raged at the Boar King. Tearing down the dune like a white-hot comet, sand spraying in her wake, she suddenly found herself no longer stumbling. Purpose gave her purchase, and as she at last reached the bottom, Valeska launched herself through the air and felt her jaws attach themselves to his throat with murderous precision.

And she squeezed

And she squeezed

And she squeezed.

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The apparition snarled with devilish delight, snapping his jaws on the air.

Soon, it would be over. Over. Over. They'd all drown, all of them. How delightful! A flash of fangs and an ermine smile lit the desert air. He held his breath a moment, eager with the anticipation ... awaiting the wave of ecstasy that would soon be over him.

'Goodnight, stupid children.'

And just as he was about to breathe a sigh of relief, jaws hit him. The pain would have seared him. It should have torn through his jugular and ripped him into a million pieces. It should have killed him. And yet, he wasn't real? Or was he? But those jaws, they pressed. That voice, it hit him like a boom of thunder. It sent a surge through his veins, unlike anything he'd felt before.

He wanted more.

She came at him as an apparition would — summoned from the bowels of heaven. A divine warrior. Her jaws parted the air, gracing his neck with that inevitable grip — an angel fighting a devil. A match made in literal heaven. She squeezed, and he would only smile as the air left his lungs. Those golden paws would release their grip on the children below, letting their small bodies float to the surface of the oasis and gag for air with instinctive force. A flash of rage would have hit him, and yet somehow the air leaving his body snapped him into a state of pure euphoria. So sweet, so delightful. It was far better than murder.

Their eyes, two shades of molten gold, would meet.

Mania meeting mania. Chaos with intent.

She was like him. Yes. She was just like him.

"You think this will stop me," he thundered through a mouth of blood, bubbling from the depths of his form. It was as hot as lava, as toxic as poison. And he laughed, bubbling between breaths of ecstasy.

And then, in a moment, the apparition was gone.

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His laughter echoed in her ears, and her only response was to squeeze harder, harder. She couldn't stand the sound, but still he kept laughing, somehow able to summon enough air from his withered lungs to mock her even until the bitter end when he -

- vanished.

Valeska fell into nothing, her jaws snapping together with a sharp 'click' as their target had seemingly evaporated. She snarled and turned quickly, expecting to see the bastard suddenly manifest behind her, but only the sound of hot sand blowing across the dunes remained to greet her. Her fur remained bristled, thoroughly on edge, and her tail stood high in the air like a banner; she felt furious, betrayed. Every fiber of her being wanted to finish what she had started, wanted to rip him into -

She suddenly remembered why.

With a short gasp, Valeska ran to the water's edge and felt her heart drop as she then saw several small, floating bodies bobbing upon the surface, lifeless and limp. She had been too late. Tears streamed freely from her eyes as she fished them out with gentle paws, one by one, laying them reverently upon the sandy shore; to some, it might have looked like they were merely sleeping.

Dreaming.

Stifling a sob, she pressed her head against the golden pup's side, her tears mingling with the wetness that still clung to the child's fur.

“I'm sorry,” she said helplessly, collapsing next to her. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry.”

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She didn't know what happened.

She was a puppy, floating in the water. Inert. Lost. Broken.

But suddenly those amethyst eyes snapped open, exploding in a sea of glittering sand as she emerged from the water once more. Renewed. Much like an angel, pried from the jaws of death, she rose. A phoenix, somehow forgotten in a pile of decay ... forgotten that she would rise and return. And she instantly sputtered, water exhaling from delicate lungs as she frantically searched around, eyes finally landing on the dismayed form of her mate.

Terror struck and her blood ran cold.

No. Why were they here?
This wasn't supposed to happen.

She saw Valeska staring down. Staring down at the same scene Amaranth had seen those many, many years ago.

"Valeska, no," she whispered, splashing haphazardly through the oasis to nearly collapse into her mate. Golden and silver twining together; Amaranth sought her warmth. And she hadn't realized, not until that very moment, that tears were streaming down her face. Emotion pooled in her eyes, pouring up from the depths of her soul as the pain escaped her. "We shouldn't be here," she whispered, abnormal helplessness striking with a harsh note to her normally peaceful voice. "I didn't want to bring you here," she nearly whimpered, gutted and immeasurably weakened. Her words escaped her in short, frantic bursts.

She'd never wanted to reveal any of this to Valeska.

She'd never wanted to see any of this again.

But why was it here? Why?

Amaranth spiraled, falling backward into the pool of water like a limp noodle. She waited, helpless, for the vision to end. Waiting for the point to be made as the salty tears fell from her eyes, diluted in the peaceful water below.

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Somehow, her broken body willed itself to life again, and Amaranth was suddenly there; staring, haunted and wide-eyed, whether in shock or horror no one could say - but what mattered was she was there. Valeska heaved a sob, desperately clutching her close, wrapping her neck tightly around the golden waif's as if she might vanish into thin air should she ever release her.

“No one -” she sputtered through helpless breaths, tears rolling freely down her matted cheeks, “No one will hurt you, ever again. No one. My strength and my fangs and my rage - it is yours. It has always been yours.”

Valeska felt her lip curl reflexively, exposing a hint of glinting fangs in the sun's bitter crimson light.

“I will cut them down - I will never let you be wounded again.”

She breathed a sigh of relief. At last, Amaranth was alright.

She was alive.

She was okay.

And then... she wasn't.

Amaranth withered - retreated - folding in on herself like decay, becoming some small, pitiful thing, her smooth voice turning hoarse and afraid. She looked like a hunted animal, and as the words spilled out, faster and faster - 'we shouldn't be here' - 'I didn't want to bring you here' - she collapsed again, falling backwards into the sandy water, lifeless once more.

Valeska lunged in a bid to bring her back out, panic spreading across her features like wildfire -

She woke up.

They were home, in Fate's Respite. The stars were out, glittering merrily against the peaceful night sky amid the sound of chirping crickets. Valeska rolled onto her side, dazed, and saw the sleeping form of Amaranth beside her.

"Моя любовь -" — My love - she faltered, reaching out a paw to touch her. “Amara. Please... wake up. Please - you are in a horrible dream - you must waken - please come back to me -”

She realized her own cheeks were still damp. She must have been crying, even during her spiritual journey.

“Please - you are safe now -”

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Her mortal body stirred, pulsating gently despite the horror and tragedy that swelled within her mind. Her ears softly twitched as her heart raced, tachycardic in her chest.

---

In their vision, Valeska held her ... clutching the golden woman close as if she were something much more precious than she was. Amaranth felt hollow, cold, despite the valiant efforts of the other to warm her spirit. Amaranth's head draped over those plush silver shoulders, white fur up her nose as Valeska shook with fear, and rage, and horror. Tears flowed freely from those once-gentle golden eyes, eyes that were now scarred with a story that was meant to be unseen.

With a wolf that was meant to be invisible.
 Unlovable.
  Her father had taught her that long ago.

“No one will hurt you, ever again. No one. My strength and my fangs and my rage - it is yours. It has always been yours.”

"Valeska," she breathed, her eyes burning uncomfortably as the word fell from her lips and into the thick fur of Valeska's mane. The single word said so much, so little, all at the same time. It was a word that held the softness of fear, the tenderness of love, the underlying heat of a promise that she would try to return. A word that meant everything to her. For Valeska was her everything. Her Valeska.

---

That mortal body quivered once more, struggling against the pain of her mind. Toes twitched, tail quivering. And on her cheeks, too, a soft glimmer of the burning tears she'd tried so hard to contain. Her heart was pounding, the hectic colors of red and gold flashing in the back of her mind's eye —

“Please - you are safe now -”  Valeska's paw touched her, and suddenly, she re-emerged into her mortal body with a start. Hectic breathing, pattering heart; her purple gaze found Valeska's and she stilled. "мой вонючий лось, — My smelly moose" she whispered. 'I am safe, because of you.' Her eyes were soft, her tired head leaning over to drape over Valeska, narrow muzzle sandwiched between Valeska's chest and paws.

She struggled to wonder why this vision would present to them now, of all times.

"They call on you to vanquish the darkness. The plagues." The words fell from her lips, her body still shaking. "To restore balance. Perhaps that's why this was shown to us," she continued, nearly breathless. "I —" she started, but her voice caught in her throat. 'I want to protect you, too,' she numbly thought, internal voice a pathetic whimper. She decided instead, on brief silence, to let the soft scent of pine and snow waft into her nose. The scent of stale blood reminded her, only too vividly, of her failure to protect Valeska when she'd been stolen. Beaten. "It's too much of them to ask you," she said finally, knowing that Valeska's divinity would lead her into battles that she may not be able to win.

Her body and soul ached. The magic of the herbs wearing off, leaving her to stew in the after-effects.

These gods. They would leave Valeska in the dark and yet call upon her to sacrifice everything to serve them.

It would have enraged her, had she not been so exhausted.

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Amaranth returned once more to life, her soft breaths stirring the wispy fur about Valeska's chest as her eyelids gradually fluttered open. The silver wolf resisted every urge to hold her closer, squeeze her tight enough to stay in this world forever at her side, but she could no more tether her mate to any substance or place than she could catch the wind.
There was only one reason Amaranth stayed with her - and that was because she chose to.

She fought back tears of relief. She had come back - she was safe - she was -

"мой вонючий лось." — My smelly moose

- still in need of formal Russian lessons. Valeska cringed inwardly, but forced a happy smile to her face, giving the golden woman an affectionate lick behind her ears.

“Yes. The same.”

Gods, she could kill Harper.

Amaranth parted her inky lips to utter words imparted by the Five themselves. Her position as High Augur seemed only to strengthen her connection to the spiritual plane, and now it appeared as though the gods now communicated directly to her - she was, truly, the mouthpiece of the Pentacle. Valeska felt a shiver go up her spine as prophecies fell from her mouth, heavy, fathomless words of instruction carried aloft in the light, breathless tones of her mate.

The gods called her to - restore balance? Vanquish the darkness?

She wondered what this cryptic message entailed, remembering all too vividly the horrors of Amaranth's mind. Did they refer to her healing? The darkness she was meant to banish - did they mean the phantoms that lingered in the shadowed crevices of her memory? Or was there more? She thought briefly toward Northfall and Dragonford's plight. Perhaps they also referred to her role in helping prevent a war in the north, to 'bring balance' to the scales, or - or something else - or all of it -

She shook her head, overwhelmed.

“What the gods want of me can wait,” she said, surprising even herself. Valeska was not one to cast aside the wishes of the Five lightly. “What is important is that you are here, and you are safe. Whether it is the will of the Five or not, if it takes us the rest of our lives, I shall spend every effort to chase away the fear in your heart.”

The silver wolf rested her head atop Amaranth's, breathing a gentle sigh.

“I promise.”

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“What the gods want of me can wait,” Valeska said suddenly. Firmly. Amaranth felt Valeska's spiritual and physical grip tighten on her like a comfortable choke embrace. Amaranth could have imagined she was back in the spirit realm, imagining a different Valeska from an alternate dimension — one that had forsaken the gods and their divine justice. One that put the gods second to other needs, other wants.

And that need ... that want ...
—it was Amaranth.

“Whether it is the will of the Five or not, if it takes us the rest of our lives, I shall spend every effort to chase away the fear in your heart.”

Amaranth's heart fluttered in her chest, heat grabbing her neck in a chokehold as she swallowed down a barrage of emotion. Of feelings. Things she couldn't sort or understand. It made her heart rate accelerate, her flight instinct activating as she twitched softly beneath the form of the other. But she swallowed against it, the invisible battle raging war in her mind and spirit as she pressed herself deeper into Valeska's chest and closed her eyes.

Like a child again. Seeking the love and affection she'd been starved of.
 But afraid of everything she had to lose.

“I promise.”

Valeska's head gently fell atop Amaranth's and together, the two exhaled deeply. Amaranth could almost see the black energy of her bad dream leaving her with each exhalation. And as that energy left, Amaranth suddenly felt exhausted. The confusing mess of emotions and the physical toll the drugs visions had on her body came crashing down around her. And before she knew it, the sleepless woman had drifted off to sleep in her lover's arms.

And her dreams were, finally, quiet.

---

Exit Amaranth via sleep

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