i was little, i was weak and perfectly naïve

 

in the end, the great beast falls in battle. through swathes of dirt and blood, jade scales gleam; their vivid colors stand out stark against filthy, blood-matted fur. he heaves with the exertion of one who has been fighting for their life for days on end, as he has been.

the war was long and arduous, and he had lost many a men to the enemy. now, their leader felled, he, too, stumbles and sinks down onto the ground.

this life has come to an end, he knows. this body can no longer sustain itself, exhausted and torn ragged as it is. but he had properly defended his kingdom, his people, and now, they are safe. now, he can rest.

at last, his reign is over. with one final, great roar, the golden guardian descends into the abyss.
 

---

then, he awakens. he exists.

he lives, at first, in the darkness. in the warmth of a mother, the sweet smell of milk surrounding him. all is silent, all is dark - and in this place, he finds contentment.

then, as all things must, he faces the world. with the opening of delicate eyelids, not unlike the blossoming of the soft petals of the cherry trees in spring, there comes light, and with the light comes life.

life thereon is different. calmer, really, than any he's known before - though he does not remember this before. he grows and learns and plays as all cubs do, though as they grow, he remains significantly smaller than his four littermates.

in his third month, there comes a fire. it burns through the trees of his home, bringing death and ash in its wake. it catches his two brothers (kogarashi, the firstborn, and kaizen, the thirdborn) in its grip, and takes their lives for its own. and it is so that four of them are left to flee to the mountains above - mother, and kin, and his two sisters. there is no time to mourn the things they lost to the flames. the wildfire catches quickly, and the blaze seems to follow close to their heels as they run from its heat.

they can outrun the fire, but the smoke - oh, how it pervades their lungs.

on the fifth day, kosame, the secondborn, collapses. komorebi, the fourthborn, sobs against her sister's side as mother digs a grave. kin watches on, a harsh feeling like thorny vines gripping at his heart. saline salt tickles at his bottom lids, but they do not fall. his chest aches with emotion and the remnants of smoke, his throat burns with the taste of ash and unshed tears, but still, he does not cry. he can't.

(in the end, he never cried. not once. as a leader, the guardian of thousands of people, he had to be strong. so even though he wanted to, even though he wanted to scream and shout and cry to the heavens above, he never did.)

they lay her body to rest beneath a covered sky with no moon.

at least, kin thinks, kosame got a burial. his brothers were not so lucky.
 

---

days pass, and things only get worse. komorebi falls, weak-limbed and exhausted. mother takes her by the scruff of her neck and carries her.

but the next day, mother coughs up blood. kin watches as the last of his family struggles to stay alive. his own lungs burn as if he'd swallowed the whole of the wildfire, but he is determined to stay strong. mother looks at him, eyes full of worry, and despite the ache in his legs, the cuts on his paws, he stands taller. the bones in his neck groan as he raises his head, but he ignores the discomfort.

(an innate skill born from over a thousand lifetimes filled with pain.)

he goes off to find water. comes back with a small leaf, origin unknown to him, filled with the barest bit of liquid. this he uses to ensure his family is properly hydrated, not taking a single sip himself until he's taken over a dozen trips back and forth with the little leaf. once mother refuses another drink, he stops, and once he's out of range of her watching eyes and listening ears, he flops down onto his side, panting.

they continue on that way, for weeks. they stay close to the little stream, slowly, but steadily making their way up the pass.

when he awakens on the first day of his fourth month, it is alone.

struggling to stand on torn, pained pawpads, he yowls out a cry for his mother, his sister. he turns in hopeless circles, jade gaze roving over rough mountain rocks in search for their familiar golden pelts.

he searches for three days. on the morn of the fourth, as the sun rises into the sky, he can search no longer, and collapses in a heap. he's reached a point in the pass where the rocks tower high above, like sharp fingers reaching to the sky above in prayer. his sides heave with heavy breaths, and when he coughs, it is raspy and wet. a particularly strong, hacking one has him spitting something up - he stares at it, that little glob of crimson red. he looks at it, and he thinks of mother, and komorebi. wonders if they're dead, like kosame and kogarashi and kaizen.

wonders, too, if he will die here.

(no, a part of him whispers. no, he will not fall here - he must rise, a phoenix from the ash, and take his place in this world. he must find his people, as he has done in every life before, and protect them. that is his duty. that is his purpose.)
 

---

as morning turns to afternoon, as the sun finds its spot high in the sky, kin finds the strength to move. just a little bit - just a twitch of his paws, a slight jolt of his head - something that would seem insignificant to anyone else. but to him, it is a sign of his own strength. it is a sign that he can do this. he can survive.

and so with one great push of will, his maw falls open, and he releases a small, near inaudible mewl. something so small, something so insubstantial.

and yet, the world will have him heard.

---

note: my first post with kin! i hope it suffices - this is for @Reiko but anyone else of shiroshika or friendly intentions if welcome to join!

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The brute had stuck around the area, partially because he was beginning to enjoy this type of environment, but also because he had gotten a whiff of the packs in the area and now his interest was peaked. There was something that was going on with the packs up here, but he really didn't have the drive to figure it out, but he was curious as to why they seemed to hate tigers. Nonetheless, that may be a discussion for another day. For now though, his nose was driving him forward, the scent of a goat catching his attention. It didn't take him long to find the creature, alone without others to guide and protect him. From the looks of it, he seemed weak, injured. He wasn't sure what had injured the creature, but he certainly wasn't going to say no to a gift from whatever gods roamed these lands. 

Lowering himself to the ground, he would stalk the creature, getting closer and closer. That is, until the cry of what seemed to be a baby caught both his and his prey's attention. Shit. Rushing forward, he would snag the fleeing creature by the throat, killing it quickly. After the life left the body, he would look around, figuring out where the sound came from. It didn't take him long to find the small bundle, a tiger just like him. Placing the carcass near him, the man would move to sit beside the child, not really sure what to do with this thing. 

The only thing the man could think of was that the boy may be cold and so, the brute would curl up around the small nugget, trying to warm up the small creature, at least until a female could come and take over this.

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For continuity sake; Heat Day 3. Tags are for visibility don't feel pressured to join <3

---

With her current situation still ongoing after starting a few days ago, the Empress didn't leave the Pass since it had become clear. It wasn't worth the risk to wander and keep hunting or patrolling too far out on the borders in her current situation. In fact, she would spend most of her time with @Quicksilver and rarely left his side for very long. She knew @Antares was somewhere near as well, and was thankful for his watchful eye.

She hadn't gotten far when something caught her attention. Was she imagining it? A cry? It was faint, and she could have sworn is was just her senses playing tricks on her with this season in full blossom. Still she stood quietly. Pale auds twisting as she held her breath as though her own breathing would mask the sound of a crying child.

After a brief moment with no other sound being uttered, she moved. Cautiously, listening just in case she had not been mistaken. Then again, how could a child find their way here? Kohaku was too old to sound like that now.

Then she stopped again. The feline returned. This time he was on their territory. Fear strangled her again - why was he here? Was he hunting them? Her breath quickened with her heart, ears twisting back nervously, reminding herself he was rather kind upon their first meeting. Understanding. Calm. Unlike Kuhn who flexed his claws at any second, who eyed her like prey.

This one was also curled up. Asleep perhaps? Was he that comfortable in the den of wolves? Cerulean eyes darted around looking to see if anyone else was approaching or if it was just them. “Uh —” Speak up. It's your job to move, to step forward and protect what's yours. “You really should not be here, sir.” but also she had no desire to repeat the animosity like what happened in Tsukiishi... this was different. It could and can be better if he was truly as calm as he was in the Run.

This was just a misunderstanding.

And she was unaware of the little body he was huddled around.

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it is with a cry that he falls to unconsciousness, and with a cry he arises to wakefulness.

this one is weaker than the last, a pitiful note that vibrates his chest and throat but barely makes it past his lips.

as the body curls about him, he struggles. or, attempts to - body too weak to do much more than wiggle to and fro'. bloodied paws lash out in feeble gestures, then stop as the warmth surrounds him and pins his limbs to his sides. upon being properly swaddled in the familiar comfort of body heat, he falls limp.

contentment rises within him, a beautiful, weighted feeling, as if his blood has turned to thick syrup. a chuffing purr escapes dry lips, a sweet, sighing sound born of deep comfort.

this reminds him of mother.

whenever he'd have strange dreams, terrifying dreams (memories, of everything before), she'd twine her large frame around his smaller form, singing softly in their native tongue. she would lull him to sleep with her saccharine tones, the soft, comforting brushes of her nose through his fur. on the worst nights, she would groom him, sandpaper tongue scraping over downy kit fur.

this time, when the tears well in their hidden duct, he lets them loose. silent sniveling quickly turns to gasping sobs, then further to great, heaving wails. he cries, now, finally, for his brothers; for his sisters, for his mother. sorrow carves a hole within his chest, a big, gaping thing that aches and weeps. it feels like a huge wound in him, a piercing in his very soul.

a flood of saline salt pours down furry cheeks, and as his heart-wrenching cries grow, so too does the congestion in his nose, until the poor babe can hardly breathe. in his horrible upset, he starts to hyperventilate, oxygen whistling in its struggles to pass through clogged nostrils.

kin tries to speak, tries to call out for mother, sister, anyone, but there's a lump in his throat that keeps him from doing so. he can only shake with helpless grief, held within the cradle of a stranger. he doesn't notice the white wolf, nor the words she speaks. all he knows is the crushing weight that falls upon his shoulders now;

(and oh, atlas, which is heavier? the world, or its people's hearts?)

a weight that pulls him down down down into the nigh inescapable pit of true anguish.

soon, the last bit of energy he'd managed to gather drains from him, and his howling turns to ringing silence.

he now lies listless, face and neck wet with his own misery.

mother is gone. her kisses, her songs, her stories - he will never experience these things again. no more will there be kogarashi to go to when he needs a silent, steady shoulder to lean against. no kaizen to pull him from anxious thoughts with playful motions and gentle teasing. no more kosame, with her fierce demeanor and determined intent to protect. no komorebi, his twin heart, to lie with him in the rays of the sun, to admire the beauty of the world alongside him.

kin is alone.

(alone, as he has been, before. alone, as he has never been now.)

---

note: i am so so so sorry this post sucks... but here's kin :'v

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The man didn't enjoy this one bit, he wasn't a woman and he certainly wasn't a mother. He had no idea how to not kill a child other than, well, not attacking them. But, he had heard that curling up around a child would keep them warm. It seemed like the child settled down when he did so, something that made him sigh in relief. Well at least he was doing something right. He was looking down at the child in his fur, making sure he wasn't squishing the small creature. He was rather large and strong and sometimes underestimated his own abilities. But, the cub seemed good for now. 

It was a familiar voice that pulled him out of his inspection, blue eyes landing on the fearful wolf from before. He shouldn't be here? Why was that? The scents around him mingled for a moment before he finally figured it out. Was this her claimed land? Perhaps, that would be why she smelled like this place. He would simply shrug, not really caring either way. "Apologies, I will leave, but you need take this." Uncurling from the cub, he would pick it up gently in his mouth and move closer to her, aiming to set the tiny bundle down at her feet gently if she didn't move away. 

Lifting his head, he would look down at her, his face neutral as he spoke. "Treat him better than you have treated me." He said simply, though there wasn't trying to be rude or aggressive, only attempting to state that she couldn't be scared of the cub in order to help him.

With that, the man would turn to leave, knowing that the woman likely wanted nothing to do with him.

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She needed to take what. Nervously she watched as he approached with something in his jaws. Gingerly, softly in a way that she had never seen jaws like that being used. They didn't smirk her way in a devious or malicious manner, nor were they teasing and taunting her beliefs - instead, it was gentle. He approached and she was ready to run, stepping back but the little thing - she could smell it.

A baby?

No, impossible. She did hear a cry earlier, but she was mistaken, and this was no child she had ever seen before.

As it was placed near her feet, even with her stepping back to keep the space between them, she was drawn to the little bundle. It's little movements. So frail. It was one of them. A tiger, but much smaller than Raine. Stretching out her neck to sniff at the child, there was an unmistakable draw.

"Treat him better than you have treated me." “Wait!” Even as her body moved toward the child, with a gentle paw cradling its small body, not wanting the unforgiving grounds to be its only contact. “The others... Forgive me sir tiger. But we had just fought against one of your kind... of their kind.” Pulling it toward her, she was uncertain of how to feel. This babe was no villain, just an innocent child of a species they had grown uncomfortable around. “We have lost our home... and members. Surely there is someone else who can raise it better? You perhaps?” After all, he seemed kinder than Kuhn. He could raise it as one of them to be more like himself.

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without warning, teeth clamp around the nape of his neck, lifting him up and up into the air. the older male was tall enough, strong enough, to hold him away from the ground, and distantly, in a dark corner of his mind, kin appreciates this. with his mother, he would be held low enough that his rear scraped against the ground, and in recent times, as his mother grew ailing, he would be dragged against the ground for all of five minutes before his dam could carry him no longer. 

content as he is to wallow in his own sorrow, kin only puts up the most miniscule of protests before falling limp in the hold. it takes but a few mere seconds for him to be set back down, this time at the paws of the unknown creature. she smells kind of like the coyotes mother had once hunted, with that strange, sharp tone to her scent that mother had told him meant canine. his head tilts back, gaze going up, up, up, to meet her own. wide pools of cerulean blue meet teary jade green, and then she barks at the tiger who'd dropped him at her feet. 

kin flinches, at first, at the harsh sound. then, with a start, he realizes that she has been communicating with the other tiger.

he hadn't known that felines and canines could communicate. though, he probably should've guessed it; he knew, after all, that one could learn the language of other species. mother knew the language of most birds, though was best with corvid, due to her raven friend. the two had taught the cubs the language as well, so kin knew that one, at least.

(he wonders, briefly, if he will be taught canine as well. after all, if this is to be his new guardian, then he would need a way to speak with her.)

he does not understand her, but he does understand the dark tiger's words. she is to take care of him. for how long, he cannot even guess at, nor how well - he can only hope for the best.

as he looks at her, his mind focusing on her pure ivory fur instead of the tragedy that has befallen him, his tears slowly dry up. he's never seen a canine as big as her before, though to be fair, he'd only ever encountered those coyotes. she's gorgeous, he finds, with a pelt the color of snow and eyes of ice. not as pretty as mother, or his sisters, of course - no one was prettier than they were, but still. for a canine, she was surprisingly beautiful.

four ragged, pink lines cross her face and the curve of her muzzle, but despite the obvious flaw, kin still stares with awe.

(it's too bad that his first time meeting a wolf - at least, in this life - is during such a horrible event. he thinks that his siblings would love to meet this wolf as well.)

at the thought of his siblings, the waterworks start back up. kin sniffles, the thin skin of his muzzle scrunching as he tries his best to keep the tears at bay. but they fall anyway, carving new trails through the fur of his cheeks. try as he might to remain quiet, a sob builds in his chest, and escapes with a hiccupping gasp.

embarrassment, shame, grief, fear, it all rolls together, creating a heavy ball in the pit of his stomach. despite its emptiness, his guts roil, and with a great heave, he spews globs of thick, slimy bile onto the ground, just a few mere inches from the strange canine's paws. immediately, humiliation tingles up his spine, setting his fur to bristling. he hunches down into himself, his sobs coming strong and steady once more as the shame grows.

here he is, sat before what could be his savior, and he vomits near upon her. he could not be more mortified, and for the nth time, he wishes mother were here to comfort him.

---

note: baby threw up... poor baby. anyway sorry this post sucks, finally managed to scrounge up some muse

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The man froze as he heard her call to him, a slightly annoyed sigh escaping his lips. Slowly he would turn around, looking less than amused but listening to what she had to say nonetheless. He would stay silent and listen before finally speaking, his annoyance not yet dripping into his words. "Rajani." He said simply. "It no 'sir tiger' it Rajani." He would point towards the small tiger. "Regardless of sin I or my kind commit, they innocent. I though packs about protection and love?" He supposed he could be wrong, but still.

He shook his head at her offer for him to take the small baby. "I am male, I have no home, I travel long distances. Small cub not survive." He knew that with his lifestyle the creature wouldn't live long enough to grow up, much less thrive. "Kill if you want, but your problem now." With that, he would give a shrug, a small smile on his face like he knew she wouldn't kill it. "It in your land, I not allowed in lands so I can not help." Perhaps he wanted to get his point across, but he still would help, just not in the way she wanted him to.

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It was clear that the male was annoyed with her, and a shudder ran down her spine. Reminded of how Kuh acted, how annoyed he was with her at every turn no matter what she did. “My apologies...” She says softly, again pulling the cub close completely forgetting it wasn't a pup but instinctively pulling it closer to her as though to protect it somehow. Somehow, even though she shrunk under his gaze. Her own crystaline eyes roaming the mountains nearby as if trying to see if someone else was approaching.

Rajani his name was.

Though so far he gave no reason for her to be fearful - there was no ignoring that desire to run and call for aid. For her own sake. For the sake of Shiroshika and Vanderfell. After all, she was so small in comparison to him. Useless even if Kuhn could dispatch two large warriors while surrounded.

She didn't answer his question. Although she and most of Shiroshika would like to say they stood for those beliefs, it seems that there were others who didn't agree.

The male had a point. The cub was so tired from the looks of it, so scared and small, it was possible it was too much for Rajani to care for while it was this small. The mention of killing it as being a part of her problem now only solidified her motherly instincts. Soon after the cub vomits, and briefly, she thought that perhaps he was sick.

She could find that out later, for now she licks up his tears with gentle strokes of her tongue. Cleaning up his face and pulling the cub carefully away from the pile of vomit on the ground.

"It in your land, I not allowed in lands so I can not help." He said, again reminding her of Kuhn and how she had allowed him to hunt on their lands. A co-habitation that had failed and burned into a blaze between them. “Perhaps one day you will know why...” Pointed ears fall back onto her crown, uncertain of how to continue this exchange between them. “I will take him, but you must go, please, for your safety.” They didn't need another enemy tiger. Another miscommunication and distrust to burn bridges before they were made.

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The man was ready to leave, knowing that she and everyone in her pack wanted nothing to do with him. As he turned to leave though, he caught her words, twisting his ear for a moment to catch everything. He did want to know what all had happened to make them hate his kind, but he wasn't going to ask her right away. He simply nodded once, though would smile slightly at his words. "Good know you worry about me." He joked slightly before turning to leave. 

He wanted to meet her again, though he would wait, not wanting to cause any suspicion and make them hate him more than he already was. "Until we meet again." He said simply before running off, using his strong legs to carry him quickly out of the borders.

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