Content Warning
This post contains content that may be unsettling to some readers, including:- Thoughts of self-abuse, depression and alluding to drowning
^^
Tired.
Teodora was tired. She had a home yet it did not feel too true, not when she saw the ghosts of her past every now and then out of her periphery and quickly she would turn, names dying on her tongue as she realised they were not truly there. Gone was Roman, Barbosa, gone was Faustus, gone was Serpens, gone were them all. Instead in their place sat others and even then, had she truly allowed herself to open fully to them? She had missed those she had considered her family since the day Faustus had found her, crippled by fear of the erupting volcano, injured and hiding away in a slim break in the side of the mountain. By this point, she wondered if she even remembered how any of them smelt. How comforting their scent had been, how it could cure even the biggest of her anxieties.
Within the Dominion, Teodora had no worries. Certainly she had missed her brother and knew that she had failed in the mission she had set out for in finding him yet amongst them all, she had not felt like a failure. Surely Teodora trusted Celnes, was quite fond of her Queen despite knowing that she was not thought of like a friend and she cherished Warwick as much as one could when they were not your own blood yet she could not help but feel empty. Empty like she had not done enough to be enough yet what could she do, truly? Innocent as she might be, she had lost a part of it with every loss she had felt.
Teodora sniffled as she stared at her reflection in the waters edge. Wet streaks were plastered upon her delicate features as her tears came and they came relentlessly, intent to bleed the pain she felt pulsating within her chest. She selfishly sought so badly to be important to someone as the Dominion had been important to her yet as close as she had come with Serpens, that too had gone and with it a part of her fairytale love desires. Never would she find replacements for those she loved and lost, replacing them not something she thought possible yet she had hoped for a void to be filled.
Somehow.
They were gone and she was here, she was here alone and trying to make a life for herself somewhere that she found enchanting, to a leader she trusted and rather adored, to a boy she cherished with her entire heart -- what was left of it -- yet with each day that came rising with the sun... she felt less and less like she was someone. Something. She was not so good at being alone yet alone is what she had found herself and the maiden had began to wonder if that was what was meant for her. To be alone. She cried then, sobbing into her fur as she snapped her jaws shut to will herself to quieten, the ghosts of her past lingering in the looming trees and all of their faces pained her, her inability to open her eyes and look was because she would see them.
She would see them and she would be reminded of all she had lost and all she was failing to be.
She was going under and for once, she did not seek to climb out of the water. So the maiden did not. Rising to her paws she would tread softly into the water until it would reach her belly. The water moved with her body and with the tears that dripped from her cheeks and she watched as her reflection became barely noticeable. Teodora stepped further into the water until no longer did her long legs carry her weight, her throat bobbling as she willed the pain to leave, if only for a moment.
Teodora dropped her legs under herself until she was submerged and bubbles of air left her mouth as she opened her ears, blearily watching them rise to the surface. The surface that called to her yet she did not go, willing to wait until her lungs burned and no longer was the pain in her heart so raw. She sprung through the water with a push against the ground, breaking the surface with gasps and paddling forepaws.
Their ghosts watched from the waters edge as she turned in the water and she felt her heart flutter, wishing that they were there and not a figment of her broken heart. It had not worked, her gasping breathes and burning lungs did not win over the pain in her heart. As she drew through the water until she could stand fully, Teodora drew in a breath and screamed. She screamed until her throat grew raw and dry, she screamed her pain and she screamed for it to go away.
^^
Tired.
Teodora was tired. She had a home yet it did not feel too true, not when she saw the ghosts of her past every now and then out of her periphery and quickly she would turn, names dying on her tongue as she realised they were not truly there. Gone was Roman, Barbosa, gone was Faustus, gone was Serpens, gone were them all. Instead in their place sat others and even then, had she truly allowed herself to open fully to them? She had missed those she had considered her family since the day Faustus had found her, crippled by fear of the erupting volcano, injured and hiding away in a slim break in the side of the mountain. By this point, she wondered if she even remembered how any of them smelt. How comforting their scent had been, how it could cure even the biggest of her anxieties.
Within the Dominion, Teodora had no worries. Certainly she had missed her brother and knew that she had failed in the mission she had set out for in finding him yet amongst them all, she had not felt like a failure. Surely Teodora trusted Celnes, was quite fond of her Queen despite knowing that she was not thought of like a friend and she cherished Warwick as much as one could when they were not your own blood yet she could not help but feel empty. Empty like she had not done enough to be enough yet what could she do, truly? Innocent as she might be, she had lost a part of it with every loss she had felt.
Teodora sniffled as she stared at her reflection in the waters edge. Wet streaks were plastered upon her delicate features as her tears came and they came relentlessly, intent to bleed the pain she felt pulsating within her chest. She selfishly sought so badly to be important to someone as the Dominion had been important to her yet as close as she had come with Serpens, that too had gone and with it a part of her fairytale love desires. Never would she find replacements for those she loved and lost, replacing them not something she thought possible yet she had hoped for a void to be filled.
Somehow.
They were gone and she was here, she was here alone and trying to make a life for herself somewhere that she found enchanting, to a leader she trusted and rather adored, to a boy she cherished with her entire heart -- what was left of it -- yet with each day that came rising with the sun... she felt less and less like she was someone. Something. She was not so good at being alone yet alone is what she had found herself and the maiden had began to wonder if that was what was meant for her. To be alone. She cried then, sobbing into her fur as she snapped her jaws shut to will herself to quieten, the ghosts of her past lingering in the looming trees and all of their faces pained her, her inability to open her eyes and look was because she would see them.
She would see them and she would be reminded of all she had lost and all she was failing to be.
She was going under and for once, she did not seek to climb out of the water. So the maiden did not. Rising to her paws she would tread softly into the water until it would reach her belly. The water moved with her body and with the tears that dripped from her cheeks and she watched as her reflection became barely noticeable. Teodora stepped further into the water until no longer did her long legs carry her weight, her throat bobbling as she willed the pain to leave, if only for a moment.
Teodora dropped her legs under herself until she was submerged and bubbles of air left her mouth as she opened her ears, blearily watching them rise to the surface. The surface that called to her yet she did not go, willing to wait until her lungs burned and no longer was the pain in her heart so raw. She sprung through the water with a push against the ground, breaking the surface with gasps and paddling forepaws.
Their ghosts watched from the waters edge as she turned in the water and she felt her heart flutter, wishing that they were there and not a figment of her broken heart. It had not worked, her gasping breathes and burning lungs did not win over the pain in her heart. As she drew through the water until she could stand fully, Teodora drew in a breath and screamed. She screamed until her throat grew raw and dry, she screamed her pain and she screamed for it to go away.
^^
the staff team luvs u
