I thought that I've been hurt before

The days began to blend into one another yet again as each day seemed to bring on new arguments. Today she took a route that was off her usual trail or one that was often used by others. Chose to take "the long road" to speak with Ira of the new members who had been joining since their arrival at her peaks. It was not the Empress' intention to recruit on Ira's lands, however, to turn away those in need was also against her ideals; and it wasn't as if she did not ask for them to investigate Vanderfell as well as a prospect for their home.

But she could not do another argument. The lightness in her step had faded over the past year and now she strode with a cool calmness. Levelled and nearly anxious as though every step brought her closer to another problem to face.

As the High Queen's scent grew stronger a pause in the Empress' step held her in place for a moment in mid-stride. Breathe in, breathe out. She had to trust that Ira would not do as the others had. Pushing forward, it took no time to find the roan woman's figure and wasted little time to open with what was on her mind first and foremost.

“High Queen Ira, there are others who will be joining us. Two women and a man sought a pack, I welcomed them to choose between Shiroshika and Vanderfell.” Hopefully, she would understand it was not Shiroshika's way to turn away those in need... although, come to think of it she was not certain how Vanderfell proceeded with new members.

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As always, the High Queen kept busy. Her paws moved with determined grace as she navigated twisting trails with ease. By now the mountain had been well explored, its steps an extension of her own while she searched for any offending scents on the wind. Often now she spent her time second-guessing unfamiliar scents. Intruder or friend, it was a line difficult to gauge with so many new faces, but one she was learning the difference between with each passing day.

As she traveled another's steps would soon be heard approaching. Already she recognized it to be one of their allies. They too were used to mountainous terrain, but the slopes of Tsukiishi were far different from her own peaks. However, it was Reiko's voice that cut the air. Ira paused, turning to face the Empress as she called out to her. She wasted no time as she dove to her point. Perhaps she was coming to understand her more with each interaction.

“I am aware.” Or at least of some 'new faces' but not all. Apparently, there were more amongst her ranks that knew not the land from whence they came. “On a level at least.” She continued the thought as she sucked in a breath raising her head to glance to the heavens. “Do you trust them?” It was not her place to say who carried Shiroshika's title. All she asked was to know who stepped foot on land she claimed.

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"I'm aware" Ira says, to which the Empress holds her breath as though it would help ease the nerves fluttering about internally. She could not see anger upon the roan Queen's face nor hear it in her voice, and so needing to continue the conversation she started—Reiko would let out a soft shaky breath.

“They are not warriors... just individuals needing a home. They asked, and I responded they may choose.” They weren't like Tiberius or Vera. They didn't swear to protect them and be strong enough to become a threat. They were timid, desperate.

“I trust them as I trust any new member. To be watched.” More so now than ever before, but she would not shut the world out either for those who came in need. “However these are your lands, I have no quarrels asking them to stay away from your land before they prove themselves.” That did make it harder for them to talk to Ira and any in Vanderfell if they wished to see how the other half lived before they chose one of the two packs, but it was not for Reiko to judge how Ira ran her lands.

“After all... they may be more mouths to feed, but they are also more to help rebuild.”

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They are not warriors. That differed from what Delgata shared. Granted she did express her interest in peace, but she was capable of defending herself and others, or so she claimed. Either the detail had not been spared for Reiko or she had been fed lies to pad her approval of a stranger in her land. Had she lied, she would not be impressed, but she did not sense cruelty or ill intentions in the other pale woman to hold concern. So long as she filled their caches any lack of other skills was no longer her concern.

“Then you must understand my hesitation with my own brood present to not be informed of such matters until after they have been left to roam the mountain.” She would not stop her from recruiting, nor did she wish to close Vanderfell's doors at this time. Suspicion may be high, but more paws would only benefit them should they be capable enough to handle their own. “If you trust them with your daughter I will trust them with my own, but I must know.” The burning gaze only a mother could hold fell to the broken crown as she emphasized her point before looking away once more to continue on her path to a more suitable resting place.

“Delgata shared with me that she may defend if need be and heal our wounds. I asked for her to seek Quicksilver to assist where she could.” The rest were tasks any could handle, even her own blood were beginning to fill their paws and find their footing. Any day now they too would soon bring birds or fish home to feed the packs. It made her proud to watch them take on pack duties, or if they were still too young, ask to accompany and learn what they could.

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With a slow nod she had a hard time meeting Ira’s gaze. How strong she looked through it all and how weak Reiko felt. Tired and small while she stood so tall and steady. “I did not foresee new members, my apologies you found out before I could tell you.” Did Ira meet them herself or had someone told her through the grapevine?



It didn’t matter in the end. The damage was done and now she would work to tell Ira as soon as anyone came along asking for shelter. “I do.” If she was to gain their trust and presence in the pack, she had to give some confidence first. She trusted her members to keep an eye on one another, that no one would let new members cause trouble while their Empress wasn’t looking and that the new members would not crush their opportunity after asking for entrance. 



So it was the former how Ira had found out. Delgata had beat her to the punch by meeting Ira first. “Sounds like she is already working hard.” And there was a certain sense of pride in seeing someone take action so quickly to assist in the aftermath of a war they had not participated in.



A pause lingered as thoughts continued to roll through her mind. How the Druid was mentioned. “As for Quicksilver… There may be trouble in our agreement Ira. I do not know what to do anymore.” She’d turn away to watch the mountains below. “I will still uphold my side of things, but Quicksilver… I will not force him to participate if he does not wish to. He is furious…” Understandably so, but once more she was forced to try and mend things without his help

Something she was growing tired of.

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“What's done is done. I do not linger on the past, only the consequences. You are fortunate that they have only been positive in this regard.” It was as the Empress said, the one she had met did seem to be using her weight for good, not a free meal and shelter. So long as that was the case she hardly had room to complain. “She seemed willing to work in most roles, truthfully. I am not certain to what extent her skills reach, but it is more than no attempt.” Even had she none, she held potential. One day Delgata would surely be a valuable member of Shiroshika.

The roan woman would turn as Reiko remained stuck on Quicksilver, her head tilting with a mildly puzzled expression. “And why might he be furious?” This is what he wanted was it not? What he had pleaded for and sobbed directly to her as he expressed his woes and the distance he'd keep. Certainly, he had not abandoned his feelings for the snow empress? If so, what timing to finally follow her advice now that she needed his addiction.

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“I am happy to hear that.” And hopefully, she and her companion would only keep showing that this would work in their favour. That this was no mistake and that her trust was not once again misplaced with the belief to be shown that there was still good if one was to keep hoping. It was all she could do now after all was hope to be shown the light again, otherwise, there would be no other option than to turn away and hide from the world beyond her walls.

“He sees that I took his freedom away. That I do not care for our future or the future of our children. That I would just exchange them for warriors without a second thought, as though it did not pain me as well.” Even if she had done all this for her children. For their future to be safe and bright. That Shiroshika was built for them after wandering pack to pack for so long and finding no permanent residence until she had made one herself. 



“I will not force him to participate if he chooses not to, that is not my wish. I made the agreement and I will uphold my end by any means… I would have simply preferred him.” Because at least that way, they didn't have to give up a child and they would have been together.

Clenching her jaws, she fought back the tears that threatened to show again as they did by the river. Had she now grown past such childish things? To cry when things turned tough?

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Ira would listen carefully though as she did she couldn't help but let her face twist with confusion. Take away his freedom? He had only been given a choice, one that she saw he failed to take time after time again. It was almost as if he refused to allow himself to be with the one he supposedly loved. “I do not understand.” Exchanging children for warriors? She had never once asked for that, nor would she wish for that. She held plans to wed her own, yes, but it was only to strengthen the forged bonds between packs she deemed allies, friends, family. 

“Reiko I have told you before I do not wish for your bastards. If I must wait until one of your respected or yourself find a suitable partner and have children, then I shall do so. It pains me to extend such a relation on promises, but we are too invested for me to back out now.” Even had she wanted to the enemies they shared would see no difference rather they were together or not. Extra numbers had never been the point of this deal, nor any alliance she wished to obtain. There was a reason the bonds were forged with the kin of the honored. They were the ones who upheld their pack through values and tradition. They were the ones that would be the future faces of their homes as well as the future of their relations. A child for the sake of children did not bring that honor nor respect.

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“I do not either.” Defeated she slumped. Casting a gaze out through the hills and mountain peaks below without real interest in them. No interest in their simplistic and complex beauty but distracted by their little problems when compared to the grandiose picture of the world they lived in. The universe didn’t care what the outcome of this was - and yet to her, it felt like everything weighed on this very moment. 



“I thought a suitable partner was in Quicksilver, but he seems to have fixated on other details.” She had explained to him that children were not necessary anymore, though words were said as “maybe” it was as it came across. “I have told him of everything we spoke of, that our children might not be necessary should he and I wed - he is furious that I had not only offered children but himself as well against his own will.”



At least that is how it seemed. A no winning situation. After all, Ira had said those exact words as well. Their children may not be necessary. “I do not understand how to proceed. He was furious to see me with another man, and yet even after we mend what was broken, when I believed he wanted to be together, our marriage troubles him? Believing I am forcing our future. I do not know what to do.”

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Perhaps it had been her fault for her wording that now bit them both, but it was apparent that neither was fully aware of what she wanted. Even with Reiko's explanation, it did not seem she understood the reasoning behind Ira's words. “It appears neither of you understands my intentions.” She would sigh sitting with a roll of her shoulders while she straightened her posture. “None of this is forced that would go against the whole purpose. I simply wish to unify the packs not take children from their homes. When I say a child is wanted I mean to wed when they are of age. They will live a full life and potentially stay in their birth pack depending on the child's wishes.”

Of course traditionally it was the male's pack that would become the final destination, but that did not mean there were no exceptions. “If he is so upset then perhaps a larger discussion may be had so we are all on the same page. I will not waste my breath if I must simply repeat myself later due to misunderstandings. If his decision is no, then so be it, but it sounds as if his understanding is far from the truth.”

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Of course there was confusion as to Ira’s intentions - but the matter still stood. Reiko would have never asked for help from someone she believe to be nefarious. Even less so would she have offered any of her young or a debt to be paid if she ever believed Ira to be unkind. The roan woman had done nothing but be understanding and open to assisting even if the Empress and her troublesome pack must have only brought annoyance in her eyes.

“I had faith in your intentions. You were not some random individual. Although I appreciate the clarification.”

Ira continued and Reiko agreed. Although things could have easily been avoided had Quicksilver spoken to his queen in the first pace as opposed to believing all was alright without some effort - there was no going back now. “I believe he needs to hear it from you.” Because obviously she had done poor job as of late on her own.

“I will be ready whenever you both are.” As ready as she ever could be. Perhaps for this to be over more than anything. It wasn’t certain how much more of this she could handle.

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Had the roan woman sighed already? If not she would now and if she had then the pale empress would hear so again. This was sad honestly. Had she made such an impression of herself on her medic that he thought such things of her or was he too fearful to find out? No matter now, she would have to deal with it one way or another. “By all means whenever you are ready.”

She had no reason to hold this off and she would think neither did they. Ira shook her head as she stood once more, this time turning her back to Reiko to continue on her way. It was not really her she was frustrated with, but she wished to be alone to clear her mind. “Call when he is.” and with that, she would turn a bend disappearing out of sight so she may continue to strengthen their borders.

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