Come on, grab your friends

 He'd volunteered to do some guard duty in the middle of the night. He sat on one of the high walls where he could see far and wide. He'd given instructions for another cat to go sit on the opposite wall so that they'd have a posting on each side. The east and the west. He was sure though that they'd find nothing, it had seemed quite quiet here. Peaceful. StarClan had gifted them a nice land.

 In the distance from where he sat, he could see the mountains and a few snowy peaks that gleamed in the midnight moon. Down below, he could see fronds of grass shifting in the wind. He could even see the scuttling of a tiny vole in the ground. He could feel that urge to hunt settling in but he ignored it. Other cats would see to that, while his primary objective was making sure that nothing dangerous snuck up on them in the darkness.

 He looked up then, eyes tracing across the stars that lined Silverpelt. It looked the same as back home. Was it possible that the same warrior ancestors walked these stars? Or was it someone else entirely? He now knew about the existence of other clans... perhaps this StarClan was filled with those bygone ancestors instead of his own. Even if that were true it seemed that they wanted nothing more than to have new warriors down below again. It was strange, they might walk different skies but they were all still the same.

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Quinn had been a little distant towards Moosebellow since their last conversation. She was really more upset with herself for assuming that Moosebellow had meant anything by his affection. He was just a friendly tom, who probably acted that way with all the females he met. Which was fine. He was single. He could do that. Quinn was single, too, and had the option, but it simply wasn't her nature to be that familiar with other cats. She was friendly, yes, but rarely that physically intimate.

Still, her bad mood kept her restless, and when the moon was at its highest, she made her way to the rooftop of the stone building. She had forgot Moosebellow was lookout tonight. She thought about turning around, finding another spot, but why should she? They lived in this clan together, and Quinn would just have to deal with it sooner or later. It wouldn't be hard to occupy the same space, right?

So, she quietly made her way to a perch that overlooked the water, settling in as she wrapped her tail around her front paws. The moon's reflection glinted off the still water, and Quinn focused mighty hard on it. 

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 As his eyes were lifted high in the sky, he heard the soft pad of pawsteps. There were several cats around here that were light of foot. Quinn was one of them. He’d know her sounds and scent anywhere. He turned to call a greeting but then stopped when he realized that she was heading to a different perch. One where someone could easily see the water reflecting the moon above. He could see ripples on the water, probably from some amphibious creatures or maybe the wind.

 That didn’t matter much, what did matter, was the fact that Quinn was so distant. He’d noticed a little while ago, a couple of days, maybe? He didn’t understand why. If it was anyone else he might have just been content letting them think whatever they did, or he might even pick at them for shits and giggles. But her?

 It bothered him. He actually cared that she was upset. He couldn’t even pretend that he didn’t know why… it was because he cared about her but he wasn’t sure if she felt the same way. He couldn’t ever ask because… well, he was afraid of the answer. What if she didn’t? He would have ruined everything.

 It was a scary thought in and of itself that that scared him.

 How could one cat rock him so hard to his core?

 It was scary but intriguing and he wanted more… but now… everything was probably ruined anyway.

 And yet, he couldn’t just not talk to her. He couldn’t stand leaving things like this. She was his best friend at the core of it all. The first cat here who’d stuck around and who had been a rock in the foundation of their clan! It was her! She was so strong and so smart and brave.

 He finally made the decision to walk over and put on one of his grins. ”Nice night out, ain’t it, Quinnstar?” He said with his tail flagged upwards in a warm greeting. He would even attempt to make amends to whatever he had done by rubbing his head along her flank. He missed the closeness, the warmth, the affection that passed between them. He wanted it again, whatever their status was.

 He couldn’t just lose her like this…

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Quinn saw the same ripples in the water, her eyes watching as it went from one edge to another. She couldn't quite make out which creature was making them, though. Even with the moonlight, the dark waters hid the body of the animal while it was in the water, and one it made land, the vegetation's shadows hid it more. Her eyes attempted to track it, but the mounds of earthy ground cover and rocks made it impossible. Her eyes went to the wooden dock that was attached to part of the land, but floated on the water. She wondered if it would even hold her tiny frame. Some boards were missing, others looked like they were barely hanging on. She made a note to check it out later. If it was a danger to the other cats, they should know. 

Her thoughts were interrupted by the voice of Moosebellow. Quinn flicked an ear towards him before turning her head, her eyes going to his grin before she locked her gaze with his. She allowed him to touch her, mostly because in the short time he hadn't, she had missed it. But, this time, she didn't return the gesture. It is, she replied simply, her voice flat. Her head turned back towards the water. I'm going to check out that wooden walk way in the morning. If it isn't stable, the other cats should know, she explained, very business-like.

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 She never really smiled but she never really looked at him like this, like this was just a visit between colleagues and not friends. It felt chilled and he wanted to know why. She didn't return his gesture even as he let his head linger against her. He closed one eye and looked up at her, still trying to smile... to cheer her up. Their gaze broke and she was staring back down at the water and the dock and anything else that was not him.

 He withdrew his head, flinching at the casual sound of her voice. Why did it feel like someone had kicked him when she spoke like that? Like they weren't anything beyond clanmates? "Yeah, they probably should..." He responded, brow furrowed and smile finally fading from his face. "You want me to come with you? Just in case?" He didn't want her falling in or getting hurt or something else bad...

 He also thought it'd be fun to investigate something together. Just the two of them. "It'll be fun, right? Just the two of us? Checkin' shit out like we used to!" He would come up beside her, sitting down close enough so that his fur brushed against hers as he tried to catch her eye. It was his last hope that maybe just maybe it wasn't something that he did and she was just in a bad mood for some reason unrelated to what he'd done.

 "Right?" His fluffy tail would attempt to brush against the opposite side of her flank. Look at me, please. Please tell me nothing's wrong.

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He offered to come with her, and any other time, Quinn would have jumped at the opportunity to have an excuse to spend more time with Moosebellow. But, now that Quinn was aware that nothing would happen between them, she felt the need for space to get herself back into the right frame of mind. It had been so easy to slip into the intimacy they had. It would be so much more difficult to get out of it. 

His fur brushed hers as he sat down next to her, and Quinn shifted ever so slightly away. I don't want to trouble you, she said as an excuse. I'm sure I'll be fine by myself, she added, meaning that in more ways than one. Quinn had been on her own since her mother left, and she had always been fine. And fine she'll be again. 

His tail brushed her hips, and she couldn't stand it any longer. She couldn't be fine and still be so physically close to him. Standing abruptly, she turned away from him and leapt down from the perch. Actually, I'll check it out now instead, she said, using it as the reason she was leaving. Wouldn't want anyone else happening upon it before I can make sure it's okay.

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 As he sat near her, she shifted away. It felt like a kick straight to the gut. ”It’s no trouble… I like hanging out with you.” He said, not recognizing the softness of his own voice. She would be fine… well, yeah, but it wouldn’t be as fun, right?

 As if she couldn’t stand it anymore, she got up and started to walk off. Claiming that she’d look at the spot on her own right that second when she’d just sat down. He couldn’t let this go on any longer. He was a straight shooter, wanting to get things out of the way… He’d do so now. Rip the bandaid off and figure out what the problem was.

 ”Quinn! Wait!” He got up too and started after her, stopping beside her. His tail swayed uncertainly behind him. ”What’s wrong? Why are you trying to get away from me?” For once in his life it hurt having someone trying to make excuses to get away. ”What did I do? I thought we were friends…” And there was that soft note in his voice, almost pleading for her to tell him what had happened. He didn’t understand… He’d backed off a bit on the compliments because he was afraid that she would get angry but maybe he’d done something else to do so. Was he too forward? Had she wanted to wait longer? Or did she just not want this relationship –whatever it was—that they had any longer?

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His plea stopped her, her ears perked as she turned her head towards him. She hadn't expected him to stop her, or to so abruptly ask what was wrong. She didn't realize she was so transparent in trying to distance herself from him. Or that he would even care so much. 

Her heart broke at his tone. She hadn't meant to hurt him! She thought she was doing what he wanted? Her expression and her voice were soft. We are, just friends, she said. Right? she asked. That is what he wanted, isn't it? 

She looked at him, studied his face as if it would give her the answers. What she didn't realize was that it showed that being just friends isn't what she wanted. She wanted more. 

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 Just friends… The way she said it. The way her eyes spoke to him. They were but that clearly wasn’t what she wanted. Had he… read everything wrong?

 StarClan above, he felt like such a moron.

 ”I… I thought…” He stopped and then shook his head and laughed, realizing how he’d been walking on eggshells about the whole thing. How he’d assumed that she didn’t want him that way. ”I’m the dumbest fuckin’ tom in the world. Fuckin’ mice could think circles around me!” And he laughed again at how much oblivious to others feelings he really was.

 ”I thought you didn’t want me as anything more. I thought you were upset when I complimented you. Was I wrong? Am I that fucking dense?” He thought she was just being affectionate but when he thought about it, she didn’t behave that way around anyone else.

 Just him. How could he be so blind?

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Her brow first shot up in surprise at his description of himself, and then furrowed when he said he thought that she was upset with his compliments. Upset? she asked, clearly confused. How did I come off as upset? she asked, needing clarification, but she kept talking. You're the only one I let touch me, the only one I joke with, the only one I... she paused, lowering her voice a bit. Purr because of. That was intimate to her because no one else ever made her want to. 

You're right, she said, perfectly serious. You are dense, she confirmed, her eyes showing a bit of humor and that she was joking with him. She turned serious again, though, before asking, What do you want? Because it didn't matter what she wanted if he didn't want the same. 

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 ”Iunno, man!” He said, exasperated with himself for overthinking it. ”You looked away and I thought you were uncomfortable so I figured if that were the case it had to be because you didn’t like the fuckin’ compliment.” A bunch of leaps of logic that his nervous mind had come up with because how could anyone like his brash personality?

 It’s a good thing she wasn’t just anyone…

 He felt like his heart was going to leap out of his chest as she admitted how she felt. He smiled and then, if she allowed, would try to press his head against hers. ”I’m the densest motherfucker alive but you still like me.” He gave a cheeky flick of his whiskers. ”Does that make you dense by proximity?” He teased back.

 What did he want? ”You.” He said with a deep rumbling purr as he would try to put his head over her shoulder and pull her into a hug. ”Because you’re the smartest, prettiest she-cat that I know. And unlike everyone else, I give a shit about your opinion.” Crass as always but he fucking meant every word. ”If you’d have me, I’d love to be yours.” No pussyfooting around this time. Being straightforward would probably be the best way from now on.

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She looked confused, but she could understand why he might think her looking away meant she didn't like it. I was just shy, she explained, her voice soft. I've never had that kind of attention before, and didn't really know how to respond to it, but I do like it, she went on. I thought I expressed that by how I was always trying to touch you back, she explained. 

Her purr was immediately when he pressed his head to hers. She huffed in agreement that he was the densest cat around, and then again when he paired in the same pool. If it means we're dense together, I'm okay with that, she joked back.

Her purr got louder when he confessed he wanted her. It made her heart swell to know that someone felt for her like that. She didn't even care that he used what others might call offensive language. She had come to know it as Moosebellow language, and she loved it.  I'll have you if you have me, she countered, confident he would say yes. 

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 Never had that kind of attention before, pfft, she deserved it. He was surprised that she didn’t have all the cats drooling at her paws. He already was and he felt that he always would be. He closed his eyes, breathing in her scent as he draped his head over her shoulders. Smiling, completely happy. He didn’t say yes. Instead he rumbled out, ”Always.” Until the stars burnt out.

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