Can't Lick The Salt Away

Liutheri

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"I'm just trash" Withered logic, an ashen fake..."

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@Ira

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Liutheri was beginning to adjust, slowly but surely. His biggest obstacle, however, was this restless feeling he could not escape from. He was surprised for he had always complained about moving around, but now that he was stationed it felt wrong. He felt a lack of stimulation and gradually the puppy often found himself bored and on his own, watching the others but not interfering. Sometimes he had fun watching the puppies, making sure none wandered too far away. @Ries especially had been a great time killer for a magnitude of reasons, good and bad. He brought a warmness within him alight. Kept reminding him of the warmth his heart was capable of.

He did not think badly of the mountain family, (excluding Hiero). If anything, they help stabilize his fragile core. Help him build and remember what he once had and sought for. Yet this brought a self-consciousness too and he usually could not bring it in him to convey to the others unless absolutely necessary. Whenever he was asked to do something though he made sure to do it with haste that held an abundance of pride.

Yet he still did not feel like he was moving enough. The bottom line was...that he felt like he wasn't useful enough by not doing enough. The lack of action brought fear. He would not earn his keep, he would be thrown away, kicked out and abandon as he would not grow strong enough and keep up. He would be left behind just like them. Just like his family had done to one another. Sometimes he wanted to ask the king or queen if he was not enough, but he feared the answer, feared to bring attention to weakness.

Thus today as all of this and more overwhelmed him. This morning he found himself alone a little farther from the den then he should have been. With one paw going in front of the other, he continue to move further and further. He had nowhere he was heading, he just needed to move, needed to do something to distract himself. Already the world around him was unfamiliar, and it brought a bittersweet comfort as he sought a sort of escapism.

However as noon arrived with hunger and now tired paws around steep cliffs and plateaus. He found himself wanting to go home. Wait, was he allowed to say that? That restless anxiety was coming back. He didn't understand, he was moving around now, why did he still feel this way. Ears lowered flat against his skull, tears started to fall out of his eyes as he sat on his haunches and refused to move anymore. No more.
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Restlessness was something the high queen had learned to come to terms with over the past two months or so. Ever since her late pregnancy she faced struggles that she normally would have no difficulty with and responsibilities she was unfamiliar with. Children had always been a soft spot for her, but raising her own was incredibly different from aiding another’s brood. Luckily for her, they were beginning to take to their own, pave their own way on new paws and it allowed both her and Hieronymous to find more time of their own away from the needy maws and paws of their children.

Today Hiero had switched off with her while she sought to stretch her legs. Knowing that her children were safe under his gaze she did not bother trying to speed her pace or prevent herself from wandering far. Instead she thought she might go for a hunt, or at the very least, meander about the outer edges of the territory where she could check on the borders herself. Unfortunately, Ira would never make it to her destination.

As she descended the mountain, a familiar scent crossed her nose straying along another path of the trail. He was still new, but she made she to memorize his scent well now that Liutheri would be under their care as well. Seemingly the boy had run off on his own a bit farther than she usually let her own children wander. He was older though, and clearly had traveled quite a bit, so as long as he remained within the territory she was less concerned about where he went. Still, curiosity would best her as she tracked the fresh path to find their new nipper.

The grey dipped furs of her head would peak between trees as she caught sight of the greyscale boy, hunched over with flattened ears. She could not hear him cry, but she did not need to know that much to know that he was bothered. Had it been one of her own she would have asked why, but there were many reasons the queen could conjure for Liutheri’s troubles. To start, he had only recently lost his mother.

For a moment longer she would stand and watch to see how he might handle himself, but when it became clear that he had no intention of moving, she would press on to close the space. “You should keep your chin up, even when you are troubled.” Her words came calm, softened as she circled around to sit before him. Her own brows had furrowed as she caught sight of his half hidden face, the wet that stained his maw from fresh tears he likely would try to deny. Boys were always so troubled that way. “It will not help how you feel but it will prevent you from shutting down. To keep your nose straight is to hold your burdens and carry forward.”

More importantly, to never let another see when you were kicked down. It would be better if he could prevent himself from being kicked down all together, but it was unavoidable, even for the toughest warriors. She too knew what that was like with a pack of voices against her own. He just needed to learn to press on through the pain, or so she believed since it had worked for her.

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He did not expect her to show up, Ira. He flinched, wondering if he would be in trouble. He braced himself for an earful. Instead, she just talked to him. He appreciated how she treated him like an adult. However it made his anxiety only flourish more because he felt like he held higher expectations due to this. He couldn't outright admit his fears. As she hinted at, he should be strong.

He found himself trying to stand tall, but at the same time he was still trying to hide his face, to hide the tears. "You aren't going to get rid of me? I..." Some of it slipped out. "I do not think I am strong enough to help. I just sit around and take up space." He finally looked up at her. He felt shameful for crying, but he believed just hiding it now was more cowardice than facing her head-on. It was almost a challenging look, but merely it was an expression of conviction. His thoughts, he was finding a formation that was somewhat articulated. "You are-uh very kind and strong. I want to return the favor and be like you. Y-know...helpful to you cause you did-int need to help me."

He continued to stare up at the adult, waiting and full of dread for her to not beat around the bush and finally realize that he hadn't been doing anything since he'd been here. He almost expected her to be shocked in the revelation.
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Ira was a stone-faced woman. It was uncommon to rouse a smile from her let alone a chuckle, but pups would always have a way to sneak into her heart. Truthfully, she had no idea what to expect from him as he kept his eyes lowered, refusing to let her see despite her knowing already the state he was in. But it wouldn't be until he spoke that she blinked back a stare before a lighthearted laugh filled her. “Get rid of you?” Is that really what he believed? He was still far too young to worry about any type of responsibility in the pack. She hoped that he did nothing now but laze about and enjoy what childhood he had before it was gone.

“No, dear boy, you are a child. It is not your job to tend to what I do.” Perhaps by summer he would be big enough to handle his own. There would be no getting around it, he would be a burden until he was older, but such was the role of a child. “Nothing is expected of you until you are older. At that point, we will talk and you may pick a path to pursue through studies. If you wish to be like me though, then perhaps a lesson or two may be passed before then?” Never would she deny one the right to self-defense and protectors made a pack strong. Any wolf who survived could hunt, but wit, strength, those were things that needed practice. Even medicine would be a worthwhile pursuit.

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Liutheri couldn't believe it when she just started laughing. A wave of conflicting emotions entered him. He wasn't sure if he should feel flustered, embarrassed, or ashamed. Instead it was a sort of bewildering middle-ground he found himself taking over. He opened his mouth as if to defend himself but shut it quickly as she spoke to him. Her words, he had not expected them at all.

Perhaps she noticed, the slight breeze of wind that ruffled his fluffy furred cheeks gently, as if the world sensed the change of mood. His eyes bore into her, seeming to brighten more and more with each new word she spoke. It was admiration. It was hope, respect, gratitude. It wasn't necessarily he started seeing Ira as a parental figure or guardian. But more of a teacher and entity that was far out of reach. Someday he would climb the top of the hill she stood on to meet her.

It was the mark of the start of a new path. Liutheri had wanted to be just like his mother, it would make him strong and maker her proud. Now he never could because she could no longer be mimicked or teach him her ways. But he was pretty sure if he grew up into a wolf like Ira his mother would be pretty proud of him and he would have the strength to live his future. Suddenly new tears formed, huge and bright, his lip quivering as he tried to hold in the sob. However soon enough the dam broke and he found himself almost wailing as his body contorted. "I-I....hic...I see....Thank you." He sobbed out, repeating the last two words again and again. It was sinking in, if only a little, that he was allowed to live like the others here. That he was not necessarily an abnormality that needed to be tested and be accepted at every corner.
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It would seem her words reached him as a switch flipped within. Fresh tears fell from wet eyes, though it was not anguish that fueled them, but joy. For a moment Ira couldn't fathom what would stir such a reaction, but she supposed it mattered little and chalked it up to age. “For what reason do you cry? This is joyous news I presume? A smile would be more befitting.” Rich coming from someone who rarely showed her own emotions of course, but he was a child. He should be free to express himself and live happily before the world came crashing down. Unfortunately, it already had and now all she could do was pick up the shattered pieces and attempt to hold them up a while longer.

There were hardships suffered she would never understand unless he chose to share them, but she knew already that they may be more alike than what appeared on the surface. Stepping closer she took a seat at his side and used her paw to raise his chin before she lightly ruffled the top of his head. “You are home now. You may do as you wish so long as you take care with each stride. You are free to live.”

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