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What was the point of being here? What use would she ever be now? All she was was a drain on resources... She couldn't even muster the energy to smile. She barely even wanted to eat but she did it because it was forced in front of her face and because they, for some reason, wanted her to get better.

The woman would sigh as she stared up at the birds flying overhead. No birds of prey just colorful creatures frolicking in the treetops. She remembered when she felt that free.

It felt like so long ago.

She shifted in the snow, limb (or the nub of it that was left) was placed into the snow. It had long since stopped bleeding and was wrapped in a poultice of sorts. It felt like a constant full ache that only the deep cold of the snow could ease. Plus, the snow could cover it up and she could almost pretend like it was still there. Tucked deep in the snow.

Almost.

Until she tried to flex and nothing was there.

She turned her head away, sitting it on a rock as she stared sadly at the world passing her by. She'd always been a people person but now, company felt like a chore. She was only outside of Antares' den now because she felt like she'd go insane staring at the wall and counting specks of dirt. She could wait inside, away from prying eyes no longer.
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Things were... quiet lately. Eerily so as if the whole world was standing still, holding its breath while the verdict was being waited upon for the judgement to come. Reiko occupied herself in tending to Gyrfalcon's wounds to keep her mind busy and off of the guilt of what she believed to have created. Though the reminder of her mistake was there, ever present - to focus on tending to the injury helped at least to ease that troubled mind.

It could only last for so long however.

Even with @Hotaru's help in gathering the herbs necessary and tending to the medicine den while Reiko was occupied with other things as of late, it was a little thing to help alleviate the heavy burden she felt upon her shoulders. Now more than ever she wished to take on another leader to rule at her side. An Emperor, and waiting for her children to grow into their crowns felt longer despite how much she wished they remained young.

With a small rabbit held loosely in between her teeth, the Empress slowly walked up to where Gyrfalcon had been held up. Watched by @Antares as her guardian to keep her safe, or at least feeling safe after the incident. It was the least they could do for her now, and one more thing was to make sure she was fed and comfortable. With a soft nervous smile, muffled by the fur of the creature for a moment before it was placed by Gyrfalcon's feet foot, Reiko held a moment of silence as she too built the nerves to speak.
 
“Lady Gyrfalcon... How are you feeling this morning?”

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 It seemed as if it was time for her meal delivery... The earthen-toned woman saw the white shadow making her way from the deeper confines of the camp. She remembered a time that she might have smiled, or wagged her tail in a greeting. Now, she just stared. She could see the rabbit dangling there but there was no appetite, the smell of food only made her want to turn her nose up and retreat into the den. Stop feeding me... just let me wither away... She wanted to say, but she didn't. She held her tongue and would take her packmates' kindness with a bitten tongue.

 They had healed her. Kept her fed. It was the least she could do to not bite their heads off over said kindness.

 The Queen would place the rabbit by her remaining paw, with a soft smile. Gyrfalcon looked up at her, not moving, not returning the smile. She was simply there, empty and blank. There was silence and she figured she should say something... "Thanks..." She finally managed to enunciate, but she made no move to eat it. She couldn't bring herself to do so right now. Perhaps she'd choke it down later.

 Then there was that million dollar question.

 Her gaze, which had been on the rabbit, returned to Reiko. There was a way to play off this situation. Make a joke about it. Make all of them laugh and feel better...

 But for once she couldn't grasp what that would be.

 "How do you think?" It was sharp, it was uncharacteristic of her. It just slipped out. She clamped her jaws together, eyes closing as she inhaled through her nose audibly and then exhaled. "Sorry..." Her golden gaze would return to the matriarch as she tempered her next response. "I'm... fine. I feel," She looked at the remainder of her leg in the snow, lifting it briefly to see the scarred and horrible edges. She winced. "Just... peachy." Her head lowered back down onto the rock. Maybe the queen would just leave her alone and let her wallow in her pity.

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It was possible things could never be the same - Gyrfalcon was broken in many ways than one but perhaps they could help her adapt and evolve with the sudden change in her life. The first step was helping her move on with a part of her that was now gone, it would be difficult but was that not the reason why Shiroshika stood to this day? To assist others overcome their troubles?

Unfortunately for Vera hers were too dangerous to keep around... and difficult decisions had to be made. Reiko could only hope the next pack she would find would treat her well and be strong enough to guide her through those dark thoughts. 

Gyrfalcon's response stung as they met the Empress' ears. Immediately as she spoke up, Reiko fell flat. Ears falling against her crown apologetically with nothing to say in return. She didn't blame Gyrfalcon for that, in fact Reiko expected that she would be upset for a while. Patience was a virtue that had to be practiced here, and shared with the other members should they all learn to assist one another.

“No —” A pause. A few heartbeats thudded loudly in her ears before continuing despite her nerves begging to go. “I have failed to keep you safe, and for that I apologize deeply.” As if to try and beg for forgiveness, she bowed her head until her forehead touched the cold grown beneath her feet. There was nothing else to say on the matter. She could babble on and beg, plead for the woman to forgive, to believe the sincerity Reiko tried to share - but all of that, all of the pretty words in the world could not make up for such a grave, personal loss.  

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The woman of lofty title fell flat, lowering herself to the level of the injured. Gyrfalcon couldn't figure out why. Why bother with all of this? The earthen woman knew that the words spoken had stung. Part of her felt bad for it yet the oth6, petty half didn't care. Let the words sting. It was only a fraction of the hurt she had received. Let the world hurt just like she had.

Yet... That small part of her that was her, wouldn't just let her unload on the empress.

And then the matriarch spoke.

No?

Her gaze shifted back to the saddened queen. Gyrfalcon felt a tiny pang of guilt for what she'd said... But her bitterness over the whole situation would not be let go. Although for a moment both emotions battled it out when the high-ranking woman bowed, to her.

Gyrfalcon blinked in shock and then hastily spine. "No, no. Stop that! Don't bow to me! Get up." She couldn't stand it, all these emotions. It wasn't even Reiko's fault in her eyes. "You can't be in multiple places at once. No one knew that was going to happen." No the blame didn't lie with her.

Gyrfalcon's eyes narrowed and hardened but she was not looking at Reiko, her mind was elsewhere. "It was my own stupid fault. Mine and hers. My father warned me about being too friendly with strangers... And look what happened." She was so stupid. She should have listened. Should have kept to herself.
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Despite Gyrfalcon's pleading, Reiko did not move. Keeping her head low to the ground, there was no honour here to keep unless shown humility for the mistakes that were made. Mistakes that costed Gyrfalcon a leg, and all other kinds of mental wounds that would come with such a horrible event. The scream that echoed through Tsukiishi would not be forgotten.

“My job as Empress is to keep you all safe, to choose who is allowed within our borders, to carry our name and thus it is my fault for Vera being here. You should not have to fear your fellow pack mates, it is my duty to do so for you.” And for that, she was to blame. As the one who wore the crown, all that befell them was upon her in one way or another.

Vera had even warned her about her past, but so has @Tiberius. The two had such similar stories and yet only one had proven to be troublesome... dangerous - while the other had become a trusted member. “Please, if there is a way, anything at all to aid you, do not hesitate to ask Gyrfalcon. I will find a way to make it up to you.” Of course only if the woman would allow.

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How could Reiko have known? That was the thought that echoed through the injured wolf's mind. No one could have known. They all held scars and wounds, both within and without. So it was impossible to tell when someone would do something like this. "You couldn't have known. No one could know until it happens." And she was the one who'd found out.

"The only way to fix this is to have my leg back." She hissed, eyes darkening as she glanced off into the snow. Nothing would ever be made whole again. She would always be damaged because her leg would come back when the sun rose in the west.

"Why would you even want me here still?" Her eyes were back on Reiko, anger in her eyes though this anger was turned inwards at herself. "I can't run, I can't scout anymore. I can't hunt. I can't do anything! I'm useless! You might as well kick me out." Her voice was a near snarl, outlining her volatile emotions.
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A part of her was thankful that Gyrfalcon was... this accepting after what had happened. Her previous fury was understandable, expected - but to put the blame on herself wasn't something Reiko had anticipated. She had even prepared for the woman to walk off and find somewhere else that would ensure her safety whereas Shiroshika had failed her.

If she could by some miracle give Gyrfalcon her leg back, there was no doubt the Empress would have done anything in a heartbeat. But there was no such thing that was possible, and they would all have to live with what has happened. So with a saddened and apologetic look, she did not respond to statement as it was true, and Gyrfalcon didn't need the reminder that there was no such way it would be possible.

“Lady Gyrfalcon...” Just hearing how useless she felt tugged on every heartstring. It nearly brought Reiko to tears, wanting nothing more than to comfort the broken woman before her. If allowed, she would reach out, see if she could put her head against Gyrfalcon's. “You are much more than those things.” Maybe this is what fate needed of them now. “Puppies will surely come, what do you think about helping in raising them? Or perhaps chronicle our history, keep track of pack relations, counselling position, therapist, medic —?” It was almost verbal diarrhea at that point as she tried to think of all the other possible things Gyrfalcon could do to be "useful".

“Just because a piece of you is gone, that does not make you useless. You will always have a home here.”

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 The kindness that Reiko showed, it wrenched Gyrfalcon's angry heart painfully. It tugged at the girl's insides and made her have to fight to keep tears from flowing. She didn't want to breakdown now. She couldn't. So, when Reiko's head was placed against her own she simply inhaled long and deep and blinked to keep herself steady and strong. Reiko didn't want to kick her out... the woman wanted to find a way around this.

 Around this stupid situation that she had partly caused.

 Gyrfalcon felt her heart give another painful lurch. It felt like she'd been kicked in the chest and she closed her eyes.

 Deep breaths in... and out. She pulled away, before she lost control of herself.

 She laughed harshly at the mention of mentoring kids. It was like a floodgate had opened and Reiko was desperately trying to find something that she was good at. Gyrfalcon could see nothing. She wasn't good at anything but what she'd said before but now she couldn't even do that.

 "You're being far too accepting of a useless cripple like me." She said with another humorless laugh. Her eyes opened as she looked at the other woman, her mismatched gaze was bitter. "I'm not good at any of those things." Hench, why she figured the empress would be best at just kicking her out. "I never learned herbs. I suck at watching kids." Her dad had made mention of that when she used to have to babysit her younger siblings. She let them get away with anything and just played around with them. "And I'm not good with helping with problems. How could I ever counsel anyone else when I've majorly just fucked my life over?" Not to mention, she knew how good she was at pissing people off. That's all she could think about... how she pissed everyone off with just the right words.

 She couldn't see past her problems. They were right there in front of her face and on full display for everyone to see. Good qualities? What were those? She felt like she had none.

 "I've never been able to do anything right..." She sighed and laid her head on her one forepaw, gaze looking up at the ruler while events in her past and the harsh words she used to shrug off kept replaying over and over in her mind. "If you want me to try something, I will... but I'm going to fuck it up." She just knew she would.

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Gyrfalcon pulled away and Reiko looked at her longingly, wishing to put all those questions to rest. Every option that was offered was tossed aside immediately. Which, was understandable. It was always hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when the tunnel just began. When the darkness swallowed you up whole and your eyes have yet to adjust to its new setting.

Only time would help Gyrfalcon now, patience, support and lots of time to slip and allow some internal healing. There was only so much she could do to help the.. stump of a leg that was left, the rest would need a special kind of medicine that she was not as specialized in than she would like.

“I do wish for you to try.” Try, and try again until finally something stuck. “You will never be useless to me, so please do not fret.” A smile would carve its way to her face once more, lifting the corners of her pale lips. There was no such thing as useless after all for those who wanted to be something more.

“Until then, call for me if you need anything at all. Have plenty of rest for the time being.”

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We can end this here if you'd like or with your post! We WILL need a new one soon, I demand it

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