you know you've been on my mind

@Valeska

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Heavy paws traced the edges of the lake, burdened by the weight of her thoughts. Her mind. The toxicity burned verdant and amethyst, bursting with color within her mind's eye. There was an endless gravity that surrounded her head, creating a dense fog that obscured her very vision. The world became obstructed, the early morning sun blinding as it cascaded down the granite edges of the mountainside. Faces flashed within her mind, an unintelligible blur of the many wolves that had crossed in front of her since her time in this new land. This purgatory. This hell. This heaven.

It was screaming, screaming, screaming at her.

And she wanted to scream back, to silence the unintelligible cacophony with a shuddering and defiant burst; but as her heavy head lifted and her ebony lips parted ... there was nothing but a puff of air that wisped weakly from her depths. What did it want, what do you want?! Gilded ears pressed firmly backward atop her crown, shutting out the piercing silence that roared at her with every quiet step she took forward. She slid through the rocky sands that edged the lake, dragging exhausted paws toward the only place where she imagined safety would await her. Where she could finally reach a solemn state of serenity.

She approached the row of dens that rested at the foothill of the rocky mountain, somewhere far away from the screeching of the waterfall. Somewhere covered with twining vines that they'd spent some time building together. Her collection would be waiting there, and perhaps, if she were lucky, no one would be home and she could sleep this beastly emotion away in solitude. Vision blurred as she stumbled forward, tripping against a granite stone that stood starkly upward into the air. Her dark nail clipped off the side of it, cracking and sending a roaring pang of shooting fire up her entire left limb. Fire traced her every nerve fiber, crawling into her chest with sharp talons and grabbing her tightly. She reveled in the sensation, for it reminded her that this was not death. This was not purgatory. This was life.

And she would have to withstand it.

She slid with what she imagined was silence into her den, but in reality, it was a clamoring assault of noise as she shuffled against the branches and the stones to pull herself into the warm, dimly lit den. Faint droplets of blood trailed after her, adding some spice to the otherwise tame scent of the Respite. And when she rounded herself upon her collection, she collapsed into a pile of dirt and bone dust and ash.

Faces continued to play like a strange slideshow in her mind. Flicking from face to face and always landing, inevitably, upon that same set of yellow eyes.

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[narrow width=700]She sat at the edge of the lake and sulked. Rhelenso's introduction into Elysium could have gone better. Truthfully, she didn't know what she wanted out of it, or furthermore, out of him; he had loved her for one glorious afternoon, and she had fallen hard, her inexperience and naivete coloring the man with a rose-tinted hue. Then as quickly as he had come into her life, he was gone again - back to the cold, unyielding nephew to whom he was beholden, peppering her with promises of an eventual return come winter, but she had never seen him again.

Until now.

She worried if it was necessity that drew him back to her rather than lingering feelings. Valeska remembered all too well her panic, her terror at suddenly waking in a new world with none but Amaranth beside her, with little recollection or reason for their arrival - he likely had felt the same white-hot fear coursing fire through his veins, and clung to the first familiar face he could find. If he had truly loved her, surely he would have come back as he had said? Or had something happened, preventing his return? A thousand questions littered her mind as she clenched her jaw, when a distant golden figure could be seen stumbling violently toward their dens. Valeska's ears swiveled forward. The movements were strange and erratic; not at all like Amaranth. She moved like liquid, sanguine and serpentine, flowing molten gold; her amethyst-eyed spirit speaker did not lurch like a clumsy whelp seeking its mother's breast.

Something was wrong.

The problems of others helped distract her from her own. She rose to her paws and shook the dirt from her fur as she loped around the edge of the lake, tracing the shoreline in a great arc as the azure water lapped gently at her paws. The figure disappeared into its den, a frantic streak of yellow vanishing like a shooting star. Valeska neared, and could now detect the faint tang of blood in the air; was Amaranth injured?

She hesitated at the entrance. “Amara?” she called softly, hearing her own hollow voice echo back. No answer came. “Amara... I smell blood. What is the matter? Are you hurt?”

The silence was deafening. Had she fainted?

Mutual respect for others' privacy would have normally kept her from doing such a thing, but she took a deep breath and plunged resolutely forward into the den, careful not to step on any of her golden friend's trinkets and strange oddities she had collected over the last few weeks. The cave wasn't terribly long, and then the shimmering figure came into view.

It was almost poetic. Amaranth lay exactly as she had found her almost a year ago in the Parchwood; prostrate upon a bed of bones, nestled like a sleeping babe in death and decay. Valeska had not known, then, what this mystic creature would one day come to mean to her, and a smile tugged the corners of her mouth at the warm glow the memory brought - but she quickly grew serious again as she caught a glimpse of blood leading up to her bed. “Amara?” she said again, louder this time. “Are you alright?”
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A gentle ebb and flow held her in this transient, fluid-like state between consciousness and sleep. Her mind was purple and ebony; she could see everything, hear everything, and yet there was a very obvious wall that prevented her from slipping into slumber. And so she would levitate in this unusual limbo between realms, her mind alert and alive as her body uncoiled and relaxed out of sheer necessity. Muscles softened, melting; a sharp pang still thumping from her paw that matched the tempo of her slowing heart rate. It kept her body grounded as her mind lifted upward, tracing along the ceiling of the cavernous den like a screeching raven. Maybe she could escape it for the moment. Escape the faces, escape, escape, escape ... herself.

She did not know for how long she lay there, awake and dreaming. Exploring the ceiling, running away from an internal demon that hunted her through the very shadows of her own mind. She did not know for how long she continued to try to evade the looming, inevitable reality that she was coming to terms with. That, perhaps, she was not simply a beast ... that that was only part of her. She realized that perhaps the beast simply protected the delicate lamb that nestled very deeply in her chest. Protected by veils of purple mist and clacking ivory fangs.

Oh, but how the beast wanted to eat that lamb, too. Wanted to destroy every semblance of emotion; of love. To save her the trouble. To save her the pain. To remind her that it was easier to take than to give.

"Amara?" A familiar voice pulled at her from somewhere far away, a soft tickle that caused her heavy eyelids to flicker for a moment. The voice was a soft white light, a saving silver beam that began to draw her from the darkness. "Amara?" The voice continued to reach for her, a silver cloud of clarity that pushed the shadow away. Her mind descended once more as the voice coaxed her from her half-sleep. The dragon stirred, hooded eyelids blinking gently as the world came back into focus. A gruff huff pressed forth from her chest as if to expel the rest of the coiling shadow from her lungs.

"Are you alright?" Her head lifted, purple eyes finding Valeska easily. Naturally. Her chest felt tight - the pulsing heartbeat in her paw accelerating as a smile came naturally to her lips. Those familiar golden eyes sparked with concern, and Amaranth realized now how she must look. Disheveled, covered in soot and ash and decay. The scent of blood lingered in the air around her, a heavy perfume that masked the light lavender scent that she normally carried.

"Valeska," the serpent breathed in a sort of sigh of relief. Despite the protest of her body, she peeled herself from the filthy ground, glitters of dust and soot tumbling from her ... glowing in the dim morning light. Her tall frame unfurled like a mighty phoenix rising up from the mess of its own, destroyed plumage. Somehow elegant despite the venom that still lingered in her veins. "I'm alright now. Just a ... just a nightmare," she offered, a soft wave of her golden plume kicking up some dust behind her. Yes, a nightmare. That was the word, wasn't it? Stiffness forced her to roll her shoulders, her neck. She stretched her toes, talons raking gently against the ground before she remembered that she was now missing a talon. Unfortunate.

Heavy gaze traced the edges of the cavern walls, silently searching as her nose sniffed for any other scents. As if, perhaps, half expecting someone else to be with her. "What are you doing here?" With me. In my den. Heat sparked in her veins, tracing along her nerves like the threat of a fire. Electricity. The question was soft, purely curious, and not at all indicating that she wanted Valeska to go. In fact, her body took a gentle step forward as she spoke, her head tilting slightly as those golden ears pressed forward. "It's not like you to sleep in," she added with a coy twist to her smile. Valeska was her busy little angel, working so hard to maintain friendships ... alliances ... and to share her glowing light with the world. She was daylight, where Amaranth was a cool, dark evening.

It was not at all like Valeska to sleep in ... unless, of course, there was a certain someone who kept her tied to the den all night.

The ghostly woman blinked.

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[narrow width=700]It looked as if Amaranth lay at the bottom of an ocean. Valeska had known her friend to soar like a bird in her fantastical visions, effortlessly gliding on light wings between swirling galaxies and strange, undiscovered worlds that only she alone could see, her eyes wide and filled with wonder as she ascended to heights unknown. She would describe lights, sounds, colors; concepts and creatures, spires and cities, things that neither of them held the words for or had ever known to exist. How her features would light up like a child at play, rising from her visions like the Lady of the Lake herself to offer the great sword Excalibur to whoever might be worthy enough of such knowledge.

This was different. Sunk, miles and miles deep beneath the surface, drowning in her own mind; as her amethyst eyes dragged upwards to meet Valeska's, she looked as though she lay decaying within her own sepulcher, a dead woman buried and long forgotten by time. She had never seen her this way.

As her friend shook the dust from her pelt, all long legs and disheveled fur, she still managed to look the picture of beauty. Like some ancient goddess worshiped in ages past, she rose from her tomb amid the ring of tribute and trinkets that surrounded her, unfurling as she once again assumed a regal air.

Valeska's gaze lowered to the missing talon on her paw. The bleeding had slowed, but it still looked painful; she wondered if Amaranth even felt it. Her mind was elsewhere, blind to the mortal pains that might plague her body.

As the golden woman seemed to come back out of herself, she scented the air, and Valeska could have sworn she caught the tail-end of a glance that spoke more than the words that escaped her lips. Not accusing, but... questioning. She swallowed. 'What are you doing here?' The sound echoed strangely off of the cavern walls. Valeska felt the air shift. 'It's not like you to sleep in.' It was true. The silver wolf was a habitual early riser, remembering how precious the hours of daylight had been back home in the mountains; night seemed to last an eternity where she came from, the skies cloudy and overcast when not actively assailed by a blizzard, and the routine had managed to stay with her for the last few years in spite of their new living conditions. As the sun rose, so did she.

“I have had trouble sleeping,” she answered without thinking. “It is like itch I cannot scratch. I don't... know.”

Valeska found that she could not meet her friend's eyes.

With her golden gaze firmly fixed on an interesting raven skull behind Amaranth's still form, she continued, feeling a desperate need to fill the silence between them. “I came to talk.”

Thus far, talking had proved difficult.

“You have also not been yourself,” she ventured quietly, darting a quick glance up toward her face, hoping to catch a glimpse of something that might give her a hint; but as usual, her expression was unreadable. “Tell me, Amara.”

'Maybe I will also find the words,' she thought.
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There was hesitation and gentility in a place where Valeska was normally forward and beaming. A shyness cast over those glowing eyes, drawing attention away from her ... when she should be shining. Glowing. But there was a grey cloud cast over Valeska's thoughts, tainting her as those nearly pained eyes beheld the broken phoenix. Amaranth's eyes probed her gently, seeking contact as Valeska's gaze continued to methodically dance away. She wanted to edge closer, press her forehead against that silver crown and simply breathe her in. Let her know that whatever it was, whoever it was ... it was okay. It was fine. It was—

—but she stood rigid, as unbending as granite as she watched Valeska stumble across her words. Watched her eyes lazily filter around the cavern and glance at the treasures that expanded within the messy den. "I had trouble speaking. It is like itch I cannot scratch. I don't... know." Her voice echoed gently, tickling the inner furs of Amaranth's ears. Golden body wavered, another step closer, gradually and carefully closing the gap between them. Body melting forward as if drawn by magnets. By static. "Don't become like me," she offered lightly, single brow piquing as she tested the air with ... with a joke? "Lack of sleep will plague the bones, despite freeing the mind." Her own bones creaked in agreement, her balance still not entirely returned as she unintentionally wavered upon those long golden stilts.

"I came to talk."

Something about the way the words laced together filled her with something heavy, an emotion she could not pinpoint. Lids blinked slowly over those powerfully purple eyes as she ran her tongue over her dry teeth (when did her mouth get so dry?). "Come, then, talk to me," she coaxed, despite her jaw tensing uncomfortably. The sensation wasn't ominous, no, simply uncomfortable. How could one talk when one did not know what it was they needed to talk about? How could Amaranth talk of the realities of the world when did not understand them? She just wanted it to be easy — like when Valeska had found her in the graveyard (her angel, her little goddess with the cotton candy tail) — like when they had woken together in this new world and promised one another they would stay together. They would rebuild together. Why did it have to be more complicated than that?

What was making it more complicated?

“You have also not been yourself. Tell me, Amara.”

Not herself. Who was herself? Did Valeska know her? Did anyone know her? No. She was the one who was supposed to know ... who was supposed to understand the world from the safety of her shadowy hiding spots. She was the one who was supposed to collect and gather and she was the one who was never supposed to feel. She'd done so well at it in the past.

But Valeska made her feel.

She wanted to open her mouth, to gush out everything that had happened and pour it onto Valeksa's willing vessel. She wanted to talk about Kishi. About Alastor. About Harper. But more importantly, she wanted to know about Rhelenso; feeling a twinge of venom as she remembered the way Valeska had walked past her ... smitten eyes wrapped all around the handsome, scar-laden man.

"Valeska..." The word fell easily from her lips, the magnet pulling her now in such a way that she could simply not ignore it. "I—" she found herself at a loss for words, the fire crawling under her skin nearly unbearable, now. "You do something to me. You make me feel." She didn't trail off, no, for that was the entire sentiment of her statement. Nothing made her feel this way before - nothing but physical pain or physical pleasure. It was why she was so drawn to demons like Kishi. Like Alastor. They promised her that fresh prick of pain that would wake her from her eternal slumber. A slumber she'd been in since she was but a child. "That's why I have been hiding from you ..." now she trailed off, eyes falling from Valeska to look at her paw. Her broken nail mirroring something that was cracking within her. Bleeding.

Because I can't share you.

Her gaze peeked up again, golden fur bristling, but not from agitation. "That's why I ran. I tried to feel something else." Her gaze was liquid metal, the very heart of a fire glowing blue and purple. "But I could not stay away. In this life, or the last." Could not stop wanting. Needing. You. Her body was in motion now, finally closing the distance between them (if Valeska would allow it), and pressing forward into her ... shoulder to shoulder, chest to chest, where she would gently wrap her long, golden neck around that stockier form. Coiling into her, drawing her nearer. That sickly sweet scent of pine and snow invaded her senses, a clarifying scent that seemed to waken her tired brain.

Their bodies rested together for a moment in the silence, a yin-yang of silver and gold ... tendrils of furs that collided and wrapped together. What had once been a deafening silence was rather quieted now; gentler. And Amaranth could only be left to wonder if Valeksa, too, would feel the same. But she knew, somewhere deep down, that perhaps Valeska wasn't meant for her. This glowing, ethereal woman was too good. Too pure. She should not be consumed by shadow. Rhelenso should be the one to ... to make her happy. Oh but the little devil in her screeched, clawing for escape. Screaming and lashing; ever-so possessive of this woman who perhaps did not even share the same feelings as her.

And maybe Valeska would finally tell her the truth, now, in her moment of weakness.

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[narrow width=700]Hearing Amaranth's lighthearted attempt at a joke took some of the electricity out of the air, though grey thunderclouds still loomed like an impending evil over her thoughts. The golden woman edged closer with each halting phrase, until finally she was close enough that Valeska could feel her warm breath stirring the soft white fur that ringed her cheeks; it was dark and sweet, and for a moment, the edges of her vision blurred as a peculiar feeling came over her. It felt similar to the aftereffects of consuming an herb, but lighter, and her stomach suddenly flipped unexpectedly. She recognized it as the same sensation during her first encounter with Rhelenso, when he had finally stood over her and gently caressed her neck with his muzzle, before he...

But it was not the same.

With Amaranth, there was a deeper closeness. She had been with Valeska through it all; the lonely beginning, their happy days in dappled sunlight spent at Hiraeth's Temple, and now waking together after death in a strange world full of new faces and undiscovered treasures. Hunting, sleeping, foraging. Working in tandem to find and bring their packmates back together once more, and it was even Amaranth who discovered the beautiful crystalline lake that they would claim for their own to begin anew.

'Lack of sleep will plague the bones, despite freeing the mind,' the golden woman finished. Valeska smiled as she remembered all too well their first meeting in the boneyard, how Amaranth had stumbled about deliriously like a lost wraith, drunk on exhaustion and visions and babbling mysteriously at figures unseen by all but her own amethyst eyes. Yes, she would be experienced enough to know what a lack of sleep might do to a body. She never took care of herself properly, a fact that bothered Valeska more often than not. Amaranth should have been too pure, too beautiful to let herself fall to pieces the way that she did, but her wild spirit was prone to wandering; she could hardly be blamed for following the desires of her soul, even if it meant she got a little scuffed up along the way.

'Come, then, talk to me.'

Her voice came out like a cat's purr, but the set of her jaw and the barely perceptible narrowing of her eyes betrayed her. A thousand stories behind those deep orbs welled up and bottlenecked at her throat. How was it so hard for her to speak freely? Valeska rarely experienced moments where she felt tongue-tied; if anything, the opposite plagued her, and words often fell out of her lips before she could even have a chance to think them first. She wondered at her friend's unspoken past, what terrible things must have happened to silence her so. She was a woman of few words, and what little speech she did make was cryptic and difficult to follow, choosing to communicate through riddles rather than dare risk her true feelings be let out on vulnerable display.

Because that's what it was, wasn't it?

Vulnerability.

Once, somewhere in the distant past, Amaranth had been vulnerable, and someone had cut it out of her.

Valeska ached in painful sorrow for the Amaranth that might have been. She was proud of her, though - in their months together, one childlike step at a time, she had moved forward. In moments she might have otherwise run, she stayed. In shows of grief, she soothed. In days spent hungry, she shared. Like watching a rare and delicate flower before its first bloom, she was slowly becoming the wolf she was meant to be all along, and Valeska was there to hold her up for every moment of it should she ever have need of her.

So lost in the cloudy haze of warmth and pride, the silver wolf almost didn't hear her friend speak.

'Valeska...
She shook her head, snapping to attention.

'I--'
She leaned in.

'You do something to me. You make me feel.'

Why she had been hiding.

'That's why I ran. I tried to feel something else. But I could not stay away. In this life, or the last.'

Numb, she sat rigid as a carving made from stone as Amaranth swept forward in one fluid motion to take her in an embrace. Stock-still, nailed to the floor of Amaranth's den, she remained absolutely motionless as the golden warmth of her friend pressed against and coiled around her, long and languid and soft like silk. Lavender and the scent of fresh rain flooded her senses, but she could not register why. She was blind and unseeing, deaf and unhearing.

Moments passed, locked in an embrace that neither could be torn from.

Amaranth noticed something wet falling against her shoulder, dribbling fat droplets down her side as water suddenly found itself rolling away and splashing quietly against the earth near her paws. The ceiling wasn't leaking; the den was dry and watertight.

Suddenly, great, ugly sobs wracked the little body that lay nestled within the crook of her neck, and Valeska collapsed against her in a pitiful heap.

“Amara... Amara...” she hiccuped, her voice cracking with the effort. Painfully, she pulled herself away to look her in the eyes, her own golden gaze brimming with tears as she struggled to collect herself enough to speak.“I did not think... I thought...” The little wolf bit her lip, a hard lump forming in the back of her throat as she tried to find the words. “When I found Rhelenso...” she began, faltering. “I thought he was where I was meant to be.”

She took a breath, steeled herself.

“But I close my eyes to sleep, and I see you. I wake up, and I see you. I stop in the morning and look at the mountains, and I see you. You are in the air I breathe. Every step I take. I go far from you, and feel closer still. Everywhere I go, there you are, too.”

Shamefully, sorrowfully, Valeska looked at her with eyes open wide, raw and real and in pain immeasurable.

“I find that I... I am not myself without you.”
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Her heart was drawn, open to the elements of the world. Amaranth remained clasped around the studier frame of the other, embracing a moment that very well should have been fleeting. Body softened, heart aching ... and in those moments she was practically begging for Valeska's protection. Lids pressed lightly closed over her fluttering eyes, heart pressed to heart as the thudding in her chest quieted in Valeska's embrace. The moment could have been seconds, minutes, hours, days; the concept of time slid away in her grasp. The devils of Amaranth's mind quieted in those moments, muted by the warmth and rush of fire that flooded into her. Vasodilation. Shallow breathing.

Silence enveloped them in a soft, ashy blanket. And there was perfection in the dissonance.

Fire's spreading all around my room ...
...my world's so bright; it's hard to breathe but that's alright.
Hush.

But then there were tears. Pouring from her eyes. Rushing out of her like a waterfall of emotion and pooling against Amaranth's pale skin. That smaller body collapsed into her, the weight pressing hard into her shoulder. But Amaranth supported her, a gentle crane that led her gently to the ground and coiled around her like a protective viper. “Amara... Amara...” Valeska peeled away, breaking the magnetic static that had coupled them earlier. Those golden eyes finally met her own. Gold and purple — royalty meeting and clashing like lightning against the dim air. Worry traced the edges of her eyes for a brief moment, swirling against the enigma. Valeska wept, emotion pouring from her eyes and blubbering from her throat and Amaranth floundered for a moment, unsure of what to say. What to do. What it meant.

“When I found Rhelenso... I thought he was where I was meant to be.” The woman backpedaled, a half-step and a hard swallow. Oh, no, no, she thought, wondering if she'd overstepped her boundaries truly this time. Adrenaline pooled in her eyes, increasing the saliva in her dry mouth as she began to transiently panic. Rhelenso. She knew it. She knew it. And she didn't want to admit defeat to him ... but she had to, didn't she? For what was she to do? Ruin Valeska? Kill Rhelenso? Steal the girl for herself?

Disgusting.
Tempting.

But Valeska continued to surprise her, amaze her, astound her. The argent woman did not back away. No, Valeska merely braced herself for that brief moment before unveiling the truth. The words poured from her lips, and Amaranth wondered if, perhaps, this really was a dream. That she was still hovering along the ceiling of the cavern. That she was but playing a game with herself.

She didn't deserve it.
Valeska. Love. Feelings.
I see you. I breathe you. I feel you.

“I find that I... I am not myself without you.”

Her heart trembled, rattling against her rib cage.
And she couldn't help herself but to mutter: "And I ... you. I need you."

Tears brewed in Valeska's eyes, and Amaranth's brows softened. Nose gently reached forward, touching that gentle space underneath those golden, glowing eyes and wiping away the pearly, alligator tears that fell freely. "My Valeska," she muttered, voice a soft coo of a whisper as her damp nose pulled back for a moment. "Please, don't cry. Come," she purred invitingly, nodding her head and inviting the other closer. Dark lips smiled then, ears pressing forward in invitation. There was something alluring, welcoming, and suggestive draped behind those purple eyes. But she made no aggressive notion forward, no, for she wanted Valeska to come to her on her own. She would never, could never, force Valeska into anything. She didn't want to. No, Valeska's light was too strong, too pure. So instead she mustered a gently powerful: "Let us be ourselves ... together?"

Together. It sounded like a dream. But ... it sounded so familiar, too. Together, they had risen from the boneyard. Together, they had created Elysium. And together, they recreated it, too. This life after death. And now, together, they defined each other. They could not live without one another. 

Amaranth turned her head for a moment, peering to her collection. Amythyst eyes fell upon the same avian skull that Valeska had been absent-mindedly eyeing just moments before. That slender body turned, head dipping as her careful jaws wrapped around the ermine bone. The woman approached her counterpart then, gift in jaw, and placed the present at the paws of the other. "It's for you ... if you want it," she offered, almost shyly, almost ... regretfully as she eyed the rather perfect specimen. But as her eyes lifted to Valeska, she realized that she now held something even more perfect. Something even more precious.

"Are you okay?" 'Is this ... is this okay?' Calming energy had fallen over the woman now as she peered into Valeska's familiar gaze. She hoped, by now, that the tears had stopped. She hoped, truly, that those tears were not tears of regret, but instead tears of contentment. Of revelation. And despite it all, all Amaranth could think to offer was ... "Do you want breakfast?"

More words lingered on her tongue ('Вы вонючий лось. Вы вонючий лось,') but she bit it gently. Yes, she remembered everything that Harper had told her. And she would wait for the perfect moment to unveil it.

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[narrow width=700]So overwhelmed with emotion and clouded by tears, she only distantly registered the sudden stiffening in Amaranth's posture, the rise in temperature at the mention of Rhelenso's name. To know her beautiful golden friend - or what was she, now? - twisted up by the cruel claws of jealousy was beyond the scope of her imagination, vast as it could be whenever it pertained to the gods. She could conjure up all manner of rituals and ceremonies and sacred rites, each one holier than the last, but to feel that someone might ever want her so desperately that way was absurd. That Amaranth could want something beyond the visceral pleasure of simply collecting and adding it to her treasures.

At first, she thought she had been mistaken. As her amethyst eyes widened in shock, frozen in the picture of horror, a feeling of cold dread filled her stomach and the little wolf suddenly needed to throw up. Maybe she had meant something else, shit, maybe this was another one of Amara's quirks and she had used her riddle-speech to merely convey sisterly camaraderie and now she had ruined it with her assumptions and stupid, all-encompassing feelings, those horrible things that kept ruining her life and her heart -

But then, a gentle sigh.

Warm lavender and spring rain came again to offer their solace, and her glimmering specter floated once more to her side to brush away the tears, lips so close she could feel their softness brushing against the top of her muzzle. 'And I... you. I need you.'

Like water, like air, like prey. She was the dark starless sky in winter, she was the waxing harvest moon swelled golden and brilliant with mysteries and bounty, just as she too was the crescent; silent, withdrawn, alone, but never lonely. Amaranth had fallen into a pit not of vipers, but of an exuberant and unexpected family, ties made not through blood but through love and trust and hope. Valeska often caught glimpses of the encroaching night in her soul, had seen the frayed edges of her fits and visions; but one shining dawn at a time, she would be there, the sun's pure light as certain as the day banishing her demons back from where they had risen.

'My Valeska.'

The silver woman grunted in a wholly unladylike fashion and buried her face in her lover's beautiful shoulder.

She sniffed, ruefully noticing a new patch of tears matted against the satin finery that was Amaranth's fur. She gave it an apologetic lick, and realized suddenly how intimate the gesture felt; she withdrew shyly, glancing up as if seeking permission. Thankfully, she was distracted by something else.

A beautiful raven's skull - bones so delicate they might break at a lung's breath - curved and refined like the culmination of an artist's greatest work. It was exquisite.

“Oh... it is too much,” she breathed, afraid to touch it. “I do not... my own den is disaster. Have not organized, have been so busy. I could not-”

But she had to. As loath to part from the treasured item as Amaranth may have been, it was more than a gift; it was a symbol, a kind of tangible facet of their pact together, that yet-unspoken statement of what they were to each other. They danced around it, they used every possible descriptive they could think of except that dreaded three-word phrase, as some small part of her still feared rejection in the event that she might have actually imagined the whole thing.

So Valeska bowed her head and accepted the sacrifice. It may as well have been.

She had no token of her own to offer the golden woman in return - something that could be remedied later, she thought determinedly - but stepped forward, careful not to disturb the delicate bones of their bond that lay betwixt her paws, and pressed her lips to Amaranth's silken ear and spoke the only words she could find.

“Моя сияющая звезда, мое таинственное ночное небо,” — "My shining star, my night sky full of mysteries," she breathed, her voice light but rich in its tone. “Ты моя сияющая душа.” — "You are my radiant soul."

She withdrew, her cheeks flushing hot beneath the soft white fur that hid them from view.

“Breakfast would be very nice.”
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RUSTY VACATION FINGERS

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The collision of their bodies felt immeasurable. An expansive force; waxing and waning. She was the sun, Amaranth the moon. And the gilded woman was drawn into the intensity of that flaming energy, into the very fiber that made up the intricacies of Valeska. It was a wavering dance, touch and go as the women unloaded their feelings onto one another. But there was one thing that was very evident in the burning, hotly purple embers that were Amaranth's eyes: she wanted to know every piece of this silver woman. Wanted to hold her, touch her, feel her. Wanted to be with her. Indefinite. Immeasurable. She could never know how much she could need. And it was not one of those familiar, superficial things ... for she had already had those simplicities for a long time. No, this was something far more complex than that.

She could not explain it.
She should not have to.

It felt perfect. It felt real.

Wasn't that all that mattered?

Heavy eyelids fluttered closed, a warmth ravaging through her like an unexpected high. Every nerve of her body was set aflame, golden fur alight with sensation. Heart pressed against her rib cage, rattling like a beast that had been so cruelly trapped. A heart abandoned. She could feel herself sway in a slow, gentle dance as their bodies kindled like gentle tinder; tantalizing one another. Hoping, wishing for romance ... but also knowing. Knowing they were destined to entwine. A ragged breath shook through her as Valeska's face plunged into her shoulder, tears staining the edges of her golden coat. Taller frame coiled around her, like the protective viper she was; neck around neck as she pulled the other nearer in a gesture of protection.

But as their gift exchanged paws, Valeska stuttered. Amaranth peeled away for a moment, breaking the static as those blinking eyes inspected her partner. There was inquisition, soft but persistent. Was it too little an offering? Salmon tongue ran over dry gums, swallowing for a moment as her gaze shifted almost anxiously between her angel and the decayed piece of bone that she'd just offered her. A piece of her soul, so far darkened by abysmal dreams that it was not pure enough to give to her Valeska ... because somehow, the raven skull felt like a piece of her offered away. A piece of her dim soul. 

Ermine teeth chattered as her gaze diverted into those precious moments, her ebony lips barely able to mutter ... "You don't have to..."

But before she could even finish the words, the gentle caress of that heavenly breath traced across the delicate feathers of her ears. The smooth drawl of those foreign vocals reignited the incessant fire that burned in her chest. Simmering embers. Her teeth ached for a moment, eager to reach out and touch her. But she remained frozen against the breeze of her breath ... somehow understanding everything, despite such foreign words.

Mine.

And here, she thought, what better time than to offer the words that Harper had taught her. Words that, in her mind, meant 'please never leave. Please always stay. With me. Be mine.' And yet ... "Please, be mine ... Вы вонючий лось — You are a smelly moose.," she crooned softly, her velvet nose pressing into the fine furs of Valeska's silver-kissed cheek. The gentle touch of nose against cheek traced electricity against their skin. The dim light surrounded them, their bodies glowing against the dull sunlight of the early morning. Their secret embrace treasured and etched into the very walls of the cavernous den. She could stay there, in this picturesque moment, forever. In this world and the last. In the next. Whatever world they ended up in.

And then she moved her face away a moment, swirling lavender depths resonating with boundless, eclectic emotion. A soft smile eerily lifted the edges of her golden cheeks. She was flame, she was lightning. And she was absolutely smitten.

And what better way to announce their new relationship than to show Valeska her utter prowess in their mother language.

That and breakfast.

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[narrow width=700]She could have stayed like this forever, locked in her lover's embrace until her body went frail and turned to dust from whence she came. Whatever this was - purgatory or some strange twist of fate trapping them in an unknown world - she suddenly cared little for whatever might come after this. The gates of heaven and all its glittering gold would not be enough if Amaranth were not there by her side. What good was a paradise devoid of this love? Not to say that she doubted the Five in their goodness, or Amara and her holy connection to the gods. No; they would be together always, in this life, their last lives, and the next.

As the golden woman coiled possessively about the smaller form of her companion, Valeska allowed her eyes to close in ecstasy as she felt the comforting warmth flood her senses. Who would have thought the pair, meeting by chance in a bed of bones, might come to one day mean so much to each other? Amara, all riddles and dreamscapes and mysteriousness, somehow - somehow here, somehow loving her - she - so tethered to the earth and faith and what could be seen and felt, it made little sense to the silver wolf how she could ever appeal in such a way to someone whose soul drifted among the stars.

Yet Valeska, in her endless faith in the gods and their whims, knew that some questions could not be answered by mere mortals such as they. They were here to live, to love, to flourish; who were they to ask why? All they could do was keep moving forward and hold fast to hope.

Time stilled between them again, and Valeska could sense some great moment approaching. The air crackled with electricity, and she found herself holding her breath without realizing - but Amaranth shuddered, and she knew some great and precious secret was to be imparted, words to hold and keep close to their chests. She waited, heart pounding.

'Please, be mine...' the golden woman exhaled, breath hot against her neck. This was it. Amara inhaled tremulously.

“... Вы вонючий лось.” — ... You are a smelly moose.

Valeska closed her eyes and let the sacred words wash over her, tender and soft, like a lover's gentle caress.

Her eyes opened.

She blinked.

Wait. What the hell did she just say to her?

'Gods forgive Valeska for swear amen,' she thought quickly.

Stunned, absolutely paralyzed from where she sat, it might have appeared to Amaranth that her friend was simply in a state of impressed shock. To be fair, she wouldn't be wrong - the silver woman was extremely impressed, because her pronunciation was almost perfect. She even got the subtle nuances of their accent right. Amaranth had clearly practiced for hours, perhaps days to accurately memorize the phrase and repeat it with such skill - something that obviously had to have been taught.

Intentionally.

Of the three Elysium wolves who spoke native Russian, only one of them would have dared ruin a loving moment like this on purpose.

Harper.

A small voice screamed from deep inside her soul. It was shrill. It was ugly. It was full of many swears. The Five turned their heads away in shame; Houtu herself uttered a prayer of forgiveness on behalf of the agony this poor mortal creature felt.

Externally, Valeska used every ounce of her remaining strength to focus on how well her lover had done, and lifted a paw to brush the silky golden fur that coiled about her neck. “You speak like... like you are native-born,” she complimented shakily, still seemingly taken aback by the raw skill displayed. “I... am honored.”

Harper would have hell to pay.

Giving Amaranth a soft, thoughtful lick on the cheek, briefly stopping to press their foreheads together in further affirmation of their love, the little wolf rose to her paws and seemed to face the morning with more determination than she had before. This was a woman on a mission - but first, breakfast. Taking the delicate raven skull within her teeth, she moved to the mouth of the den. “I will make beautiful home for this gift,” she said around it. “Then let us hunt. Meet at large rock-that-needs-name? Perhaps you might help with that; you are good with naming.”

She ducked her head and exited the den, careful not to scrape the fragile bones of her prize against any rocky outcroppings. The lake was calm and peaceful apart from the occasional fish moving to break the surface; the dawn was still quiet. It seemed even the birds were late to stir this morning, and she took a moment to simply breathe it in, relishing the stillness that she absolutely did not feel in her heart, because Harper was about to feel the wrath of ten thousand suns descend upon her charred hide.

Elysium was about to get noisy.

“I think am feeling like deer today. Is big occasion. What do you say?”

That, and she would need her strength later.

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Her words excited her lips and evaporated into the early morning air like a thin fog ... a tendril, a wisp that was as quickly taken away as it was uttered. For her emotions were much like the flap of a raven's wings ... lost into the shadow, lifting away and disappearing into the midnight that had birthed them. But after her breathy, heavy exhalation, there was a long — long — pause. Torturous. Tormenting. Tenuous. Valeska, once relaxed and unwoven into Amaranth's welcoming embrace, shifted. Those muscles subtly tensed, a stark shift that caused a sick sort of heaviness to burn against the golden woman's esophagus. She did not move, for she was frozen against a body that slowly processed what had been said.

And for as much as Amaranth had the ability to imagine, she could simply not understand the thought process that seared through Valeska's tormented veins.

The silence was often familiar. Welcoming.
But right now it sliced like a knife.

“You speak like... like you are native-born,”  came the exhalation, a silver paw lifting to brush softly against the gilded tufts of Amaranth's cheeks. Her purple eyes were burning, a low and inviting fire that drew Valeska closer ... as warm as the smile on her delicate lips. Her cheek instinctively pressed back into the gentle touch of the paw, deep lavender eyes drowning in a sea of smoldering, metallic gold. She could have purred, but her desire was not for that of the compliment that was offered, but simply for the gentle touch that was given to her.

Valeska pulled away from the embrace, exciting her touch with a soft kiss on her cheek. The intimacy evolved quickly, pleasantly so, and Amaranth wanted to collapse into it. Collapse into her. That soft pillow of silver fluff — that bushy cotton candy tail and that endless, encompassing smile. It did something to her. It softened her, touched the bitterly hard edges of her soul and soothed her. There was a sanctuary in that brilliant gaze; a place a restless soul yearned to discover.

But the shrill cry of her own mind screamed at her, scolded her. Fake. Undeserved. Pity. A monster. A witch. A hallucination.

 

Yeah, I'm like yes, and no;
wait, I don't know.
I'll pull you closer into to me;
and I'm pushing you away.

Amaranth's gaze did not betray her, for she was highly accustomed to disappearing into the recesses of her own dark thoughts. Her gaze remained firey, pensive, and devouring. Her smile, soft and welcoming, never faltered. But her mind screamed. The mind tricking the body, tricking the mind. An endless, vicious cycle.

Valeska devised a plan for them, to meet at the central rock. To hunt. To be ... normal. To eat breakfast with each other. To be together.

“I think am feeling like deer today. Is big occasion. What do you say?”

Amaranth suddenly felt the hard pang of her broken toe nail, sending her careening down to earth from cloud nine as her inner demon mocked her. Her mind reminded her of how tired she was — threatening to store this entire encounter away as a fantasy. A dream (a nightmare?). Amaranth swallowed softly, blinking as Valeska picked up the raven skull — their promise ring, of sorts. The soft glitter of the morning sunlight touched Valeska's ermine cheeks, shrouding in her a glow so ethereal that Amaranth could have chased after her. Collided with her all over again.

But instead, she nodded.

"Let me clean myself up," she mentioned pensively, her eyes diverting down to the collection of grime and dirt that cast over her wound ... threatening infection. "But I will be there," she added, smiling softly as she looked up. "I promise." I promise. The words held more gravity than the simplicity of that sentence could have ever captured.

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Feel free to have this be the last post in this one c:

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