in loving memory

Whispers.

Tamir never understood them, not completely. Whether it was betrayal that dripped from cherry lips or if it was love that fell in swift flicks, he'd confused them both. Betrayal mingled with lust, dancing intertwined across a narrow plane. He was no stranger to either, but very rarely had Tamir ever wielded such...love. Love that wilted all the betrayal and chased away every sense of doubt. Love; love that consumed him, made him choke, made him seize. But this, he’d begun and ended with her, even if she wished otherwise.

But love with them was a foolish desire, a feeble and childish want that would never come to fruition. And though it was her that said it, her that uttered the words that even Tamir fell short of, it was with affection that she gazed upon him. Not love, not lust, not any semblance of desire. They were, he supposed, friends. The want in his chest hadn’t depleted at the realization, but the heaviness of the implication was enough to make even the strongest of men stumble.

His arrival brought upon new things—forgotten things.

Try as he might, Tamir was incapable of letting the past remain where it ought to be. There wasn't a moment where he didn't wonder of his family, those both lost and those he'd found himself with again. Whispers of their sins would follow them, leaving but a wake of death and sorrow. But yet, it was them who survived, them who prevailed amidst all the darkness.

Tove and Tamir had been nothing but constant, bound even by the thinnest of threads, the most frayed. Still, they stuck by one another, forever in each other's lives and surely that had to mean something? That had to be destiny if nothing else. Fate, even. He could wish it away, all the doubts and all the possibilities of something far more heartbreaking, but the fact was absolute. They were a constant. Always together, always them.

---

Whispers.

Like soft desires spoken in candlelight, his memories were drawn from him, exposed so raw that Tamir might’ve found himself flinching at the sight. The Star Mother would wield her tricks, play upon him her games and see how he’d fair. And him? Her loyal soldier, her dutiful acolyte, he would watch without opinion or complaint.

He was hurt, broken, distrustful of the very faith that gave him all he had. This was simply the punishment, the consequence for his ungratefulness. All that was given to him would be taken away, pulled from him with a single tug and while he would remain afflicted, his lips wouldn’t part, his feet wouldn’t move. He would take it with an unbroken resolve he was willed to have.

---

Tamir stirred in the depths of the shadows, his mind slowly pulling from a dream he didn’t wish to return from. So real and so finally tangible, his mind only dwelled on the family he’d had amidst the stars. Who were they? What were their names? How could he get there?

Where would he even start?

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fear was a storm she'd experienced all her life. it was a storm she'd weathered and stood strong against, perhaps for too long. it was her ability to stand strong that had killed her in the end, against the man that had tortured her mother, then killed her in front of his brood's own eyes. it was she that had launched forward to try and save their mother and her siblings, and it was only she that had suffered the consequences for it.

the pain she had suffered had lasted even through her death, razing her nerves even when there were none to burn. lightning sparked over and over across her skin, leaving wounds that would forever scar. some were deep and some were shallow, some would fade in time and some would speak her trauma for any and all her lives.

and so it would be, as she was delivered into the next in an blinding flash of energetic fury, a force to be reckoned with always and forever.

in that moment, Savan was born again, there upon the terrace. a flash of lightning in a calm day, a roil of thunder as the water around her ankles sizzled. breath exploded into her lungs with that first draw, eyes flashing open with her core form shining brightly.

as if she were rebuilt layer by layer, the Furie calmed as she stood there, lightly singed fur smoking. she reformed, her conscious slipping from the ether, out from the Star Mother's warm embrace, into her now beating chest.

it was now that she blinked, beginning to look around and stop firmly when she saw him.

“Tamir…”

had she survived after all?

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He had not expected to be alone. But more than that, he had not expected to find himself thrust into the past with a simple murmur of his name.

His gaze, hard and probing, sifted through the darkness until blurs of starlit blue set his world afire. With widened eyes, he took the woman in, pulled from the depths of death just as he and standing with a confidence he had no surprise she'd grown into.

"Starchaser." The nickname—the endearment—fell from his lips with a familiar, yet previously forgotten ease. Savan, a beacon of his past, had grown alongside him in the midst of her father's neglect. Strung together with tape and glue, she was part of his family and it was relief that carried his steps towards her.

"Se qēlos muña ēza gifted ao arlī." — The Star Mother has gifted you again. His eagerness carried over into his tone, the whispers of his shadows acting as a gentle lilt of bitterness in his words. "You are..alright?" He supposed he should've asked that first given she'd just emerged from such a strong force. Though intelligent, Tamir was often narrow-minded.

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Starchaser.

Even in her cold, hardened heart, the nickname stirred a warmth well hidden. Among the stars, her fury had known no bounds, her desire for vengeance encasing her core and enveloping her until there was little left.

Tamir broke that shell immediately. Tension dropped from her scarred shoulders, moving without thought to close the distance as he did. There was no hesitation the moment they met, her head dipping so that their foreheads could touch. A strangled throat did not allow words to pass but the meaning was there all the same.

I see you.

His question fell to the wayside, ignored in favor of relishing in another’s presence after she had drifted alone in the stars for who knew how long.
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Consumed.

Tamir breathed in the familiar scent of her nape, traveling into his proximity with her sharp movements. With a single touch, she'd managed to enrapture him with the echoes of the past, family, friends, and everything in between. Should she linger, he might break, crumple in defeat at her paws. Weep to her what he'd lost—what they've lost.

“Ñuha prūmia howls naejot ūndegon ao.” — My heart howls to see you. He'd muttered it as he pulled away with a sharp breath, taking her in with a soft smile reserved entirely for his family.

He wished to hear her. To conclude this was his reality beyond touch and sight, that she was not instead some trick to be played on him. Some terror he couldn't outlive.

His large frame would embrace her still, turning so his side slid to hers. His lips parted into a toothy grin, “Ao've grown hen soft-paw.” — You've grown from soft-paw. He was prideful, soaking in the darkness that bled from her more than he cared to admit. Her growth was one he cherished. How she'd gotten there, how she was forced—it kindled the fire beginning to roar in his chest.

“Eman missed ao sīr.” — I have missed you so.

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While her emotions felt distant, they swirled in response to his presence. Anger had drowned everything until it was all she could feel, all that fueled her; in truth, Savan hadn't been sure that she would ever be able to feel anything else as she'd drifted within Mother Star's cradle of galaxies untold.

Tamir evoked something she thought she'd lost.

“Nykeā vāedar sung ondoso issa own.” — A song sung by my own

His adjustment made her stiffen, a reaction she could not help. The memory of what her father had done — both to her and her mother — haunted her in a way that she could not escape. If she had grown, she had not noticed, and so only nodded in response. Her growth, the development of star-like specks across her fur, the scars that marred her coat; Savan knew of none of these changes, knowing only her appearance from her life Before.

Perhaps she was startled by his admittance, remembering the rowdy boy from their childhood. Perhaps she was startled by the fact that she felt the sentiment in kind. No matter, she shouldered away the more vulnerable emotion, and instead teased him with a low remark.

“Ao mittys aōla, Tamir. Ao mērī missed skorkydoso olvie īlon jenitis each tolie.” — You fool yourself, Tamir. You only missed how much we annoyed each other. A low laugh and a light nudge to his side. Quickly, Savan changed the subject.

“Skoriot issi īlon?” — Where are we?
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Perhaps things weren't perfect.

In the presence of a piece of his family, Tamir should've been overflowing with thanks, boasting his praise to the stars hidden beyond the clouds. He should've buried himself in the promises of the Star Mother, the promises he should've known her to grant them. But Tamir was not his sister, he'd never been, her complete and blind devotion enraged him. He resented her for all that she was—perfection. A true declaration of faith.

Savan and Tamir were still broken. They hadn't been glued or taped, their hearts and souls lay at their feet, broken shards meant for them to step on. They'd weathered through life, spearing themselves on pieces of both their hearts and others. They were more alike than he'd ever cared to consider, ever cared to notice. But then again, Tamir was an unruly softpaw, burying himself in lust and entertainment from the minute he grew into an adolescent. He didn't remember much from that time.

He'd noticed her action. Her body tensed, a reaction that cut into his heart and made words wish to bleed from his parted mouth. But he remained silent, allowing her to take her time, to come to her own conclusion that he'd mean her no harm. They could drown in each other's sorrows at a later date, spill their souls beneath the stars and bleed into the soil their hatred for anything else. For now, the man only delighted in her presence, in the fact that he was no longer alone.

Tamir's lips pulled into a mighty grin, a gruff laugh escaping him as he turned his head down to her. “Kostilus konir sagon sīr.” — Perhaps that is so. They were at each other's throats more than he cared to admit within their youth. He'd wondered how she might spar now.

He sobered at her next question, his grin fading as a deep breath expelled from mighty lungs. “Iā arlie lenton.” — A new home. One ready for them to make it so. “Gaomagon ao jaelagon naejot explore, Starchaser?” — Do you wish to explore, Starchaser?

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Tamir's confusion seemed to simmer the longer he bathed beneath a starlit sky, the familiar shadows welcoming and encouraging him back into their open arms. Though not his home, not truly, it was the same soil sowed beneath his brothers' paws—lives planted so painstakingly and rooted within the blanket of this world. He could feel it anywhere.

And even though such a life was forgotten, erased in the face of their absence, the memory of it within him remained. Sharp and persistent, it cleaved its way into his heart and engraved itself within. No choice, no opinion, no way of cutting it out. He could cross the same lands, mingle with the same shadows that housed his den, and it would all be forfeit. Lost despite it living inside him still.

Yes, they could explore, but what would they find? Skeletons lying within closets, dead grass where it once flourished, memories meant to stay within the ground? He couldn't be sure. He wasn't entirely sure he was ready to find out. It was so much easier being lost.

So he silently acknowledged Savan's agreement, throat tight and eyes heavy. Their steps would lead them forward, but it was Tamir's bravado that was left behind. His stoic resolve along with it.

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