In a city of fools

The snow decorated his lands generously, leaving a crunch to be heard underfoot with each step Clay took across the bountiful hills. The trails that bound like scars along his home had disappeared, suffocating beneath the fresh layer of snowfall that had come. Winter had arrived just in time, but she was not yet angry. Gentle still, and beautiful. He gazed around quietly, his emerald eyes aglow with something... gentle — it was the first time in a long time. 

He'd been distracted and nearly bumped into the mass that suddenly appeared as he began to walk down one of many rolling hills. Clay stopped in his tracks, almost jumping in surprise, his jaws snapping shut with an audible sound. He was ready to scrap if he must, forcing his tail to lift upwards in a display of dominance despite the underlying instinct to run. Still, he was not used to this... ruler thing. He'd once been a Prince, and his Father and Mother had been leaders. It was in his blood.

But then he recognized the wolf, and Clay inhaled in shock.

“Sirius?” Clay blinked, almost forgetting to stumble over his own words as he stepped towards the stranger man. Familiar smells covered the tall beast, ones he knew but couldn't place without faces. “W-what are you doing here?” 

for @Sirius <3

---

the staff team luvs u

Though it would come as no shock to Sirius that it snowed, still he welcomed the bitter cold underpaw. If the sky held any inkling of the sun, it dared not show itself among the gloomy clouds. His sisters had stayed behind this morning while he hunted, and for good reason. They'd not slept well since awakening in this place, and while Sirius knew he himself was treading a fine line in terms of his sanity, he had to push on for those he cared for.

Only small luck this morning while in search of prey, the gargantuan male had caught a few rabbits and stored them in a bush for safe keeping. They needed more if they were to keep themselves fed. The cold bit into the ugly scarring on his muzzle, and there was the only reason he held disdain for his appearance. The weather bothered it. Not because it made his usually good looks sour, or caused others to retract in fear. But because...his face was cold. Ears pinning to rust-toned fur as he stepped heavily in search of their next meal, the wind tussled restlessly at the male's pelt.

Sooner rather than later, he came to a stop. And while he wished so desperately for the approaching figure to be anyone else, the seed of shock which planted itself in his chest told him it was most definitely him. Eyes burning with something close to malice, Sirius lowered his head in an obvious display of respect. The two stood in silence while the slate wolf's question hung in the air.

Orbs of emerald met those of setting sun, and neither blinked. Sirius fought down the wave of emotions clambering towards his throat as he bowed his head. Not here. Not now. Any one but him.

"Clay. I trust you are well. Though i could ask you the same thing, old friend." Of course Sirius found it rather odd he just so happen to find the one wolf he had history with. That heavy accent of his was returned in kind with Sirius' own, and though he tried his hardest not to, his nares greedily took in the scent of a kindling forest fire. Familiar, comforting. His loyalties lay with no one but his sisters, and yet here stood the one man Sirius would have lain his life down for. But that was a past life, olden days.

Stern gaze remained fixated on the other's and while they stood no more than a foot apart, the wicked smirk which painted the scarred male's maw was unabashed. Hungry.

the staff team luvs u

He was cold, off putting. He lorded above Clay, looked upon him as if he were some piece of flesh — yet even worse, a piece of flesh he didn't wish to ingest. One he'd toss aside with a single smack of his mighty paw, brought down upon him harshly. Clay's ears immediately folded backwards and the shorter man took a step away, a foreleg raising upwards in a mild hesitance. 

“Don't be that way.” He urged, eyes coming to narrow as if he were offended. They knew each other, they'd once been close. Closer than some knew. The smirk that came to rest upon Sirius' maw, twisted by his gnarled scar, brought an uneasy feeling creeping over the man. But he knew Sirius, at least, he remembered he did. He was such a crass man, but Clay was safe with him. “Don't treat me like some old friend you haven't seen in years.” He hissed. Where Sirius choked down his emotions, Clay was more than ready to let his own unfurl. 

Clay took a step forwards finally, finding the will to come closer. He wanted to tuck his head beneath the burly beast's chin and stay there, bask in the warmth of his familiarity, but he didn't — that wasn't them anymore. “Stay.” It was almost a whisper as it fell from his lips, and the gray furred wolf stared quietly into the other's sunfire eyes. “Here, in the Valley. We're to be called Isengard.” Clay spoke about it as if it were heaven, and for him, it was. A haven for he and others like him. “A home, Sirius.” 

the staff team luvs u

The distance closed, slightly. Softly. And it took everything in Sirius to remain neutral. While the memories danced just out of grasp, he knew who Clay had been to him at one point. Someone to fill the void, to protect. A pitiful connection, which Sirius had sought out just to fill that void. A replacement. For the one who truly held his heart. Blinking the thoughts away, the male held gazes with the other, listened to his pleading words. Here? Where? Where was here? Rage filtered his veins, and while that leash remained taut, it threatened to snap at those last words. A home. What a fools dream.

Mangled features twisted even tighter as his ears pinned in controlled anger. "Home? Where the hell is Home, Clay? Where have you been? Collecting your drove of mongrels so you feel more safe at night?" Sirius had begun pacing around and around Clay as he spoke, and his voice held obvious quarrel. It'd take some type of convincing for him to feel it necessary to join the ranks of Isengard."Am i to assume you've already gathered others for this, Isengard?"

His sisters came to mind then, Inessa and Esfir. Would they even be welcome in Clay's lands? His Home.

the staff team luvs u

He could feel it. The anger building. 

It trickled, 

trickled, 

until it landed firmly, squarely, in the pool that was Clay's wrath. With each flare of Sirius' muscles or the brush of his vicious words against his own face, the man reared up with anger. The fur along his hackles and his lean neck shot upwards like the quills of a porcupine, his emerald eyes suddenly red with anger. 

He tried to speak, but he only stuttered, fumbling over the word he wanted to dish out. It wouldn't break free from his clenched teeth, until finally—“DEAD!” He finally managed, spitting the dreadful word out. And like that, it was the first time Clay was coming to terms with it. The first time that he realized... he had died. No wonder his family had moved on — there was no choice but to. No wonder his father hadn't recognized him. He was supposed to be dead. 

Clay seethed, head whipping around to follow Sirius as he circled around him as if he were some stalker toying with its prey. But Clay was no longer prey and he was not the fragile, weak boy Sirius had once knew. “I've been fucking dead and everyone left me to rot. As if they were glad.” It hurt, it burned, and tears stung at the edges of his pretty green eyes. How he hated crying, and yet, all he could ever do was cry. “So yes, I have. Friends, allies. And it is a fucking home, Sirius.” Clay whipped around to cut the man off in his circling, meeting him eye to eye, pushing his face into his. 

“And fuck you for thinking it's not.” He snarled. “Fuck you for not letting me share it with you. So go.” Clay turned and begun to walk off defiantly, strongly, proudly. But he felt like, at any moment, he might start choking and heaving on his own breath. “That's what you do best, isn't it? What do I care about some,” His teeth gritted, visible beneath the curl of his lip and the way his head turned, profile angled towards the man behind him, “ghost?”

the staff team luvs u

Fangs bared in what could only be seen as searing hot rage. The cold seemed to sting worse now - worse than the words which were flung from the other's lips. Sirius held his tongue as Clay spoke, though they both knew what would happen here. The same as always. Viridescent orbs slammed shut as if to deny the things which he spoke. But the truth hung limp in the stiff air between the males. Words like spears to the heart but of course, it was guilt which struck him. My own fault. The snarl fell from his jaws as Clay turned, and though his pride screamed at him to keep his mouth shut, he just couldn't help it.

"Ghost-" Voice crackled with ache, his words cutting the silence like razorwire. "Yeah. Ghost. Haunting your ass till the end of my days." Sirius had taken two - three- broad steps toward his companion, who now stood facing away. It is what he did best. In the past. Love none, leave all. That personal policy had itched something far off in his mind's eye. Probably some old habit, for an old dog. Regret tore at his throat as he remembered. Some small flashes of who he used to be. Waking early to hunt not for his siblings, but Clay. Visions flitted to and fro; a constant reminder of what he once was.

"I wanna know what good you think'll come out of this. Clay-"

A stern, lowered tone. Pleading in its own way. Ears flat with impatience but, an uncommon softness with Sirius.

"Look at me. Whatever crazy ideas run through your head, ive never understood. But damn it all as much as you frustrate me i've never been able to tell you no." A long pause between the two as they stood together. One hulking and the other, at his shoulder. Their scents mingled with the common breeze, and while they gazed out at the Valley, Sirius' chest ached with guilt. He'd left Clay behind. And it had taken everything in him to do so. Whoever they were before, wasnt the case any longer. And while Sirius understood and accepted that, the love never died.

Sirius knew.

Clay knew.

So why the stubborn ache of the heart? The nagging feeling that this was a bad idea.

the staff team luvs u

Sirius followed him. Clay had known Sirius would follow him. It's why he had turned away, began to leave — his ex-lover was an old dog, and old dogs only knew old tricks. Sirius snarled with anger, anger rooted in something deeper, and yet Clay didn't flinch. He simply turned his head away, staring angrily out over the expanse of his snow trapped valley. His and that was all that mattered. 

“I don't fucking know.” Clay snapped and he finally turned around to face Sirius whenever the wolf pleaded with him to look, his green eyes tinged with emotion searching the expanse of the brute's wicked face. Clay's own wore a scar, but it paled in comparison to the barbaric scar tissue that rippled across his face, barren of lip where his teeth sneered out. “I don't know what will come out of it and that's the point.” He heaved. 

He was exhausted. For once, he didn't want to be questioned. He didn't want to be berated. He just wanted to live.

They stood together in a shared silence and Clay heard nothing but the harsh flow of the winter's wind. The heavy, emotional breathing that spurred from Sirius' chest, the shallow of his own that billowed from his snout. His Valley unfurled for what seemed forever, hills that'd been green only days ago turned white with frost. Cliffs and jagged rocks reached for the heavens, just barely scathing against the low riding fog. 

Clay spoke, and when he did, it was heavy. Words thick with apprehension. “I just want something. Something more. And... I want you here.” He swallowed the words. “Things will never be like they were, I know this — I don't... want them to be, but... just stay. Sirius.” Clay looked up at him. 

“Be at my side. Carve something out of these mountains for yourself. You deserve to live — not just survive.”

the staff team luvs u

Clay's serious tone fell on Sirius' ears like sweet honey. Exactly what he'd wanted out of this. To be closer to one he cared for. Regardless of their current situation or connections, they both needed each other. And so it would be.

Eyes of Bronze turned out over the horizon, tormenting wind nipping at dark lashes. Survive. Could he have more? Clay seemed to think so. And what of his sisters? Esfir was far more reliant on him, he knew. And lovely Inessa would not take kindly to guidance towards wolves she did not know. Brows furrowed at the knowledge. Stressful matters of course.

Those were thoughts for later though, he knew. Living in the moment was not something Sirius'd ever been good at. But this moment, this little fleck of time was his, now. Clay's words were firm, hopeful. They rooted Sirius in place, and while they stood there shoulder to shoulder, he cried too. Vision blurred until the cloudy skies were nothing. Just puddles behind wet eyes. Silent still, of course. The male squeezed heavy lids shut to ward off the biting tears. The wind favored his face, and did well to caress the tears from pale cheeks.

This.

This was what he needed. His heart yearned for it: Freedom. Connectivity. Damp lashes blinked again, but this time Sirius knew when he opened his eyes his heart would be settled.


The flame of hope flickered alive then, in his chest. With snow flittering down in soft flurry, two figures stood atop that ridge in Hjartaheim Valley, overlooking the place which made them whole.

"Alright...Im here."

the staff team luvs u