I'm weak, my love, and I am wanting.

Weeks had passed since Reiko's decision, since Izumi's confession - each as unexpected as the other and he, undeserving of both.

Since then, neither she-wolf had come to find him. They needed time, he knew, time to pull themselves together and figure things out, but not knowing was beginning to take its toll on him. Not knowing how to think straight, how to keep himself from crumbling, how to function.

What had begun as his own heartache had evolved and mutated enough to grow arms that grabbed at those he cared for most. In trying to move on from Reiko's rejection he'd doomed Izumi, too. The guilt was becoming too much to bear, and he turned from Vanderfell to seek solitude for a time in the wilds.

Along the base of Dragontooth, the druid roamed. This mountain was as close to Tsukiishi as he would allow himself, for the last thing he wanted was to demand an audience with the dove and the crane if they were not yet prepared to accept his presence.


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This time as she approached - she meant it. This was no accent or uncertain finding herself near due to some hidden desires she didn't want to admit. No, when she found Quicksilver’s scent along the mountain, this time she followed. Slowly as fear still gripped her, sadness not too far behind. But things as they were left off weren't right. That much she knew.

With her head low and tail just swinging between her heels, she spoke tenderly - low and uncertain if he even wanted to see her at all. After all, he hated her now didn't he? With a small clearing of her throat to announce her presence, she waited I see if he would acknowledge her.

If not, then the answer was clear. There was no salvaging this friendship. She wouldn't look him in the eyes but off to the side instead. She felt sick as she waited there, the uncertainty of it all was far too much to handle. But this was no reason for any friendships to be lost if she could do something, anything about it.

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His nerves, frayed from recent events, alerted him to the feeling of being watched. Quicksilver lifted his pale eyes to scan ahead, half expecting to find a doe or a stranger staring back at him.

Anything, anyone - not the azure gaze that'd so captivated him at first sight. That which still did, tainted by a reminder of how he'd suffered.

The druid halted abruptly, gaze lingering with clear and quiet sorrow on the face of she who continued to torment him. She said nothing and he did likewise, well aware of the spear in his chest as he wondered how their paths always seemed to cross at the worst possible time.

There'd been a time he wanted to believe them bound by destiny, but fate could surely not be so cruel to make that so difficult.

To the dove he would grant audience, if that's what she wished. He owed her that much.


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As he turned her heart stopped. The world had gone silent as the blood pooled in her ears and face. Fear gripped her tightly by clawed fingers, this time she wouldn't let it take the reigns and instead she would push through. “Quicksilver, I— You... Do not need to speak.” she wouldn't dare look him in the eyes. “I apologize... Our last meetings had gone very wrong. I understand if you hate me, but, I wish for you to know how deeply I regret it all.” a long pause ensued. Deep breaths to calm her nerves, the ache in her belly and ease the spinning in her head.

“I only ever wanted you to be happy, and no matter what it always went awry.” even if she chose him over Tobias, even when she gave him space and her blessings to love another. It never seemed to be good enough.

“I cannot do what Izumi suggested... For all of us to love one another. I cannot do that for her nor I... I am... For the same reasons I could not ask for you and Tobias the same. I would want to give all my heart to one, not a portion... and for that, I am regrettably sorry for all of it.” and that was it all. Out in the open, into the mountain air for him to chose to listen to or ignore. It wasn't his job, after all, to pander to her - but for her to apologize for the wrongs that had been committed.

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He thought she might flee, as she had before - a choice he would not deny her. Quicksilver had no intentions of pursuing her and willing her to hear him out, pleading for her to understand how he ached for her. No, they had all suffered too greatly for uncertainty, for miscommunication.

It was time to be honest.

Reiko took the reigns, and she seemed to want to maintain control. Her assumption of his feelings made his ears sweep backward, however, and he blurted: “I don't!”

Because he couldn't resent her for any of it, despite it all - not even when he wanted to.

His fangs clacked shut, and with his eyes downcast he let her continue without further interruption. He was surprised to learn of the crane's suggestion to her, her attempt to bind them all together in some way. Poor, sweet Izumi. It was she who Quicksilver pitied most in all of this. She'd been so kind and supportive, and had sought his company enough to find herself enraptured as well. She didn't deserve to have been dragged into this complicated spiral, one that continued downward with each attempt to mend their broken parts.

“I understand,” he said, gaze lifting once more to seek the dove's face; it bothered him that she could not look him in the eye.

Another beat of silence, wrought with tension, as the silverwhite swallowed the emotion that'd gathered in his throat. He inhaled deep, then sighed - “from the moment we met, I knew you'd be important to me. I didn't... you... I thought-”

It was hard for him to speak, even though he'd thought of little more than what he would say should he ever see the snowflower again. “You'd come here looking for your children, I thought... I thought you had a family. A husband.”

He lashed his tail, frustrated with all those months of assumption and miscommunication; “but I knew I'd never be able to forget you. And that scent,” lavender and frost, “the moment I dread most every time you leave, is when it fades. When you're really gone.”

Each time he would drink it deep, will himself to remember it more fiercely. Each time he'd will her to stay.

She never did.


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As he blurted out his objection of her assumption, her ears fell back and for a brief moment she felt both joy and sadness. Joy that he did in fact not hate her after all this, and that these was still a chance they could still be friends at the very least; yet sad that this, whatever it was would continue to linger. If be hated her it would all be that much easier to move on... But it wasn't. It was never that simple.

It was a little clearer now why he didn't speak up immediately, long before Tovias had ever came into the picture, or Izumi.

He listened as she spoke until the end, only eventually clarifying some things when silence was borough back between them. Too frightened to look at him still, to see that same rejection before, she only glimpsed at his feet to give him a much attention as she could muster up.

“I was... So focused on finding them, I didn't even stop to wonder if you ever would be interested. The cute young man from Vanderfell. I am older than you... With children - I never thought...” that it was possible shed be that lucky. “Things have been so complicated for so long, I did not notice until it was spoken.” and that was mostly her fault she realized.

“After the wedding I had to think... I did not mean to upset you. When we met after that, it was difficult to bring myself to hurt Tobias with the truth - that I loved you more, that I wanted to see what could be; and things just kept getting more and more complex.” She couldn't keep her gaze fixated any longer, as if she searched the dirt for answers her cerulean eyes washed across the ground feverishly.

“I have upsetted you and Izumi. I... I am at a loss at how to fix it all. I thought perhaps my stepping back and giving you both space would make you both happy, and yet that is not how it is.”

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Reiko responded at length. She declared that her focus had been primarily on locating her wayward offspring, as it should've been; that she'd entertained the idea of his courtship in the beginning but felt herself unsuitable; that she realised the true depth of her feelings for him only after he'd spoken of his own. Quicksilver felt the tearing of his soul all over again. A muscle tightened in his jaw as he hung his head - guilty, ashamed, appalled at himself for his lack of control over the entire situation.

If only he'd kept his mouth shut, this never would've happened.

Still, the snowflower failed to look at him. It bothered him that she stared at the ground, unable to face the reality of the situation they'd each found themselves part of. “It was never going to be simple, Reiko,” he told her gently, wishing she'd look at him, “but it's not your responsibility alone to try and fix this. Sometimes, for some things... they just...”

They aren't meant to be repaired.

He pressed his lips shut, and a long pause of silence hung hung between them. Quicksilver wished to close that space and try to gather her into his embrace, to press a kiss to her brow and simply hold her to him, but she'd made it clear before that the closeness of him was not welcome. He respected her personal space and remained outwith that bubble, like a child staring longingly at a gift he knew was meant for him but had been denied.

“For all it brightens,” the druid sighed, defeated, “love casts long shadows.”


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She had said what was needing to be said. Only to say more would complicate things further or rip the wounds deeper than they needed to be. So she fell silent. Waiting for something. What that was the Empress didn't know.

Once more he spoke - the truth she was uncertain was what she wanted to hear. So far all love ever brought was pain and confusion. Sorrow and darkness in one way or another. Sometimes he said, and he trailed on without finishing. Feeling herself wince at the feasible outcome, it was difficult to remain steady and wait this through. The whole way through and not flee.

Long shadows were one way to gently put it. It had felt all she ever found herself in was the shadow of other’s joy. It was almost easier to remain there than to attempt and step out.

“I know things will never be the same... But I wish you to find happiness, truly.” and finally she gazed up. Eyes seeking his this time seeking nothing but to offer a glimmer of joy for him. With or without me, she kept to herself. Knowing by now it was obvious. “I know I cannot fix things now.” and how she longed to approach him as well. To comfort what was left of their friendship, but was it okay? Would it only wound further than it already had? “And so I welcome whatever outcome.” dainty paws shuffled along in the dirt as she held herself back from wanting to reassure him - remembering how much it hurt for Izumi to touch her just days prior with her own heavy heart in the moment.

Will we okay?

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From the moment he'd decided to share his heart's deepest secret all those weeks prior, Quicksilver had known their friendship would not survive it. He'd prepared himself for that, at least, and to some degree had made peace with it. At the time he wanted nothing more than to confess his feelings and move on, and through his struggles fate had guided Izumi his way - sent to offer comfort, but more importantly to remind him that there was a glimmer of hope.

A hope that'd been dashed as soon as he realised.

“I...” the druid held her gaze when at last it rose to seek his, and he held onto the moment - the stillness of it. “For what it's worth, I am sorry. For... Tobias. For... for everything.”

It pained him, somewhat, to speak the name of a man whose position he'd have given anything to be in. He did not know what it was, exactly, that'd driven the samurai from Reiko's side, but it was something he wouldn't dare question. Quicksilver, unwilling to pry, cast the rogue from his thoughts. Both silver ears splayed backward and tears brimmed in his eyes, threatened to spill, and he rasped of the guilt he carried, “I don't... I can't do this anymore.”

To you, to her...

To myself.


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He too was sorry. It shattered her heart to see so much pain still grasping him, and there was simply no way for her to help. No way to fight off the feelings for him without deepening the cuts further. She wished to have never met Tobias at this point, it had gotten all too complicated since he had come around...

He sought her gaze and she held his in return. Wavering, but still. She would not let him go this time, not until he was ready to do so. The tears in his eyes glistened and his words of defeat left her breathless.

“You do not have to...” she wept with him. Hesitant, but moving she wished to aid him. To be that stock he could lean on this time. If he’d allow she’d approach, this time with every desire to calm the storms brewing in his head. With her head she’s try to lift his. Brushing her crown under his chin. “Just please be happy.” shed whine softly. “That is all I want now.”

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Quicksilver gritted his teeth, unprepared for the sob that racked his frame. How could she think that his happiness was that simple? That he could just leave her there, and spirit himself off someplace magical with Izumi by his side? Did she really think him arrogant enough to treat her that way? The weight of emotion that came crashing down on him so violently and so suddenly, out of nowhere, might have brought the druid to his knees had his snowflower not swept forth to help him bear the load.

His chin rested between her ears and the scent of frosted lavender overwhelmed his senses. From the corner of an eye, squeezed shut in resistance, a single tear trickled free. It made its way down a pallid cheek and he bit back the rest, determined to regain some sort of control, but in trying to he continued to lose it further.

“I can't,” he managed, because I don't deserve to be.

Not after what he had done to her.


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Whether it was Izumi or her, it didn't matter. It wasn't fair that they were all in so much pain, so fraught with misery. All she could see is that it was her fault - her mess, and they were all a part of it. There was no way to fix anything, to mend the shattered pieces of what was left of each individual. The scars would be deep no matter her wishes, and all she could do was try to be that support. To ignore the greedy, envious parts of herself and just to truly be happy for them even if it brought tears to her eyes.

Because in the end, to see them both so uncertain. So wounded. It affected her too. In time she would have found joy in theirs, yet that was not the case. The harder she pushed them together, away from her, the more it caused suffering. So a new way around it had to be done, a new attempt to try and make things more comfortable. She would take her time... even if all she wanted to do was leave them be.

She had moved on once before from a heartbreak, certainly she could do it again! If only they could see that without growing angry. At least that's what she would tell herself, to ease the pain of watching him grow close to another. It would never be easy, but she could grin and bear it.

He rested on her and she would not move. To be his rock when everything was just too heavy to bear, it was the least she could do after all of it... even if she too wept from under his shadow. “You will.” And support him she would. Even when he couldn't do it himself.

Oh how she longed for something more than this, to inch closer and just let herself get lost in his fur. Instead she brushed her head against his chin again, willing it up and proud. “Do you want me to go?” What would make this all easier? “Or would you rather I stay?”

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He wished he could go back. To the before time, to whatever it was that lay behind him, all that still he could not recall. If there was a way to free himself from the tangling of misery that continued to tie him in chains, even if it was to be the end of him, he closed his eyes and imagined he would do it.

His love was toxic - he was a coward.

Reiko suggested that she leave, and all of his broken parts cried out. No, he willed her to stay, just as he had done all those other times, don't leave me! But it wasn't fair to keep clinging to something that couldn't be, to continue trying to keep her. She was not his. She never had been.

He never wanted to lose her, but he knew he would.

He would lose them both.

Quicksilver withdrew from the snowflower then, felt the tearing of his soul and the crumbling of what was left of a broken, battered heart as he parted from the warmth of her. He looked at her with glassy eyes for a long moment, a final farewell on his lips that he was too afraid to speak. His love for Reiko was not something that would fade, for it was something he'd carry with him always. Izumi would not stand for it, he was sure, and so they too would have to come to an end. She deserved more than a lover who could give only parts of himself.

An Autumn breeze swept through, rustling the branches above them and tousling their furs. Quicksilver inhaled deep, ready to let go.

“If I must choose one of you, then I prefer not to choose at all.”

Destined to be alone, perhaps, which was a fate he feared most. But if a lifetime of misery meant that Reiko and Izumi could move on from this, then he was prepared to accept it.

With one last, longing look,

“Goodbye, Reiko Izuka.”


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He pulled away, with what she thought would just be the end of his sadness - or maybe of all this dread and sorrow that had built up between them all. Her heart ached but she would not let it control the situation this time, she would not let it weep openly to destroy what little of this whatever it was now she was trying so desperately to salvage. 

But that wasn't it.

“Please do not do this to yourself.” To any of us. Even Izumi didn't deserve that - for what she couldn't do for them. To love both. But she couldn't stand this, the look in his eyes, the pain they both felt.

He said his goodbye, and before she would have let him go. Just as any time before this and yet, a part of her knew it was not the right choice. Or at least she hoped she knew... things were so confusing that the woman just wasn't certain of her decisions anymore.

“What if...” She would not close the distance between them again, not unless he willed it - but she took a desperate step forward. Grasping at straws, anything, anything to make him happy. To not let him walk away with this misery hanging over him like some parasite. “What if we gave what Izumi suggested a try?” Even if it wold tear her apart to just have half his heart, to watch him with another even if she was a close and dear friend, would his happiness at least make up for the emptiness she'd feel with only half in return?

She couldn't let him go believing he was destined to be alone, that this choice was impossible. “I will do it, if it would bring you joy. Please.” Please stop being sad. “You said you would do it for me...” Tears continued to flow dow her cheeks, confused, desperate, all she wanted was for this to stop.

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"What if," she said as he prepared to move off, and he paused. Quicksilver looked off at nothing in particular, a velvet ear trained toward the snowflower in anticipation for her suggestion.

When it came, he exhaled.

“That is not what you want,” and he would not stand by to watch her suffer through it, not for him. He'd hinted at the possibility before and Reiko had spurned it, dubbing anyone who expected two partners to be selfish and uncompromising. While he couldn't recall the faces of his family, Quicksilver knew enough to understand that he'd been raised by parents that were not traditional. He'd had three to care for him for a time, until only his two mothers remained.

He would not have been so opposed to the idea had the dove not balked at it in the first place. The druid glanced her way again and found it too difficult to remain there for much longer, watching her heart continue to splinter and know that it was his doing.

At last Quicksilver turned away again, his steps heavy and tail low. It was time to end this.


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No, it wasn't what she wanted. Reiko did not lie to Izumi after all when they had their discussion on the matter. The young woman was merely drawing at straws, trying everything she could think of to just make him happy, by any means necessary. You don't have to be alone, she kept trying to tell him. But Quicksilver was just closed off. He had shut the doors to his heart so tightly that there was no room for anything, for anyone at this point.

And whether or not Izumi or he wanted to admit it, it was all her fault. She knew it. She should have been happy for them right off the bat and not shown a single tear, she should have rejoiced for their interest, not wept. But she was blindsided every time, unprepared, how else could she have prepared?

As he turned away this time, she could not stop him. Not again, over and over when he wanted time away. She had approached, pleaded with options that she did not want - perhaps what he needed was time... Her heart not only sank for herself, but for him too, and Izumi who he voiced would not be picked either. They would all end up alone. With splayed ears, she would sit for a while as the light faded over the mountains. Knowing he would not return but not ready to turn her back on him again.

But she had to return to the empire. To the pack and those in need of her services. So as morning evolved to noon... to evening - she would turn to return home again.

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