〔❁〕Shunkan no netsu

For @Quicksilver (takes place on 9/13! If you wanted a thread in the mountains instead I can always move this since location is vauge lmao.) Title translates to "Heat of the moment"

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 Reiko had not returned home yesterday, nor was she here today, either -- and Izumi could not sleep at all that night as a result. So badly did the crane want to brush it off as just some miscellaneous trip she wasn't aware of, all so the anxiety that anchored heavily would be lifted from her shoulders -- but simply ignoring things wasn't as easy as it sounded in her head. Rei would've told Izumi and the others about a trip, wouldn't she not? For what reason would Izuka have up and left in such an abrupt manner?

 'Where are you, Reiko?'

 Every negative thought under the sun regarding the possibilities flashed in Fujiwara's mind as she sniffed the ground furiously -- pacing, whining, and periodically licking her lips in a state of pure stress. So much that the fixation of searching made the crane unaware of anything else around her...

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He couldn't stand to wait any longer, to wonder; to check that she was okay was the right thing to do. A trip to Reiko's frozen spires was risky business and he felt incredibly on edge the entire trip there. The possibility of crossing paths again with a certain snow cat added fear on top of anxiety, and as he approached the familiar evergreen foliage that bordered the tundra he felt his hide shudder nervously beneath scarred flesh that seemed to twinge with the memory of his last venture there.

Once more into the fray.

Always alert for signs of tougher predators or for a certain dark wolf who might take offence to his arrival on behalf of his Empress, the silverwhite's wide blue-grey eyes continued to search between the snow-laden trees. His tall ears swivelled nervously with every noise and every movement, and he paused at the unexpected sight of another wolf who paced several yards ahead.

Izumi, he recognised, and relief caused his muscles to slacken. Quicksilver pressed on through the snow toward her with a soft woof to announce his aporoach, exhaustion clear on his pale face that he was suddenly so eager to bury among the silken furs of her neck.

He decided he would do just that on closing the distance between them, if she would allow. He would immerse himself into her completely and find comfort there where he dared to hope he might someday belong.


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 Izumi wasn't expecting the company of another while she trudged through snow in silent panic, and not even the sound of a nearby greeting drew her attention quick enough to answer. Only when they'd been face to face with each other would suprise prick her guard hairs -- still on edge, still apprehensive -- but this did not last long.

 Come to find out that the man who approached her was Quicksilver -- and this realization, coupled with the unexpected gesture of affection was quick to smooth her frilled hackles back down. The crane was slow to react to something that made her skin turn 6 degrees warmer, but his touch was welcomed regardless -- the caress was just what Izu had to realized she needed after a day and a half of fear.

 Pulling him closer, a dark forelimb was wrapped around his shoulder and her darkened muzzle moved to gently rest atop his head. "What's wrong, Quicksilver?" Izu asked the druid softly, clearing her scratchy throat. Perhaps it was because she hadn't been used to such a thing yet, but the dame had a feeling something happened to him...he wouldn't have come to greet her any other way if not, right?

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Guilt, unbearable, speared the heart of him. Despite it, he pressed his pale muzzle among the soft platinum of his companion's neck and exhaled a wavered sigh onto her skin. It wasn't fair to Izumi, the druid knew, to... to use her as a source of comfort when his battered, conflicted heart tore itself in opposing directions.

Reiko. Izumi. Two beautiful, pure, wonderful creatures - cursed by the fondness of a stranger from the edge of the world.

Still, the crane brought him willingly into her embrace, but she did not know. As far as he knew, she was ignorant to the intensity of feeling he harboured for her leader, her most beloved friend. Quicksilver did not want to tarnish what opinion she'd conjured of him by confessing his most recent turmoil, and he did not answer her soft-spoken concerns.

He simply basked in the closeness of another. He drank deep each moment in desperation to feel something akin to the connection he craved, to forget the pain and the sorrow for those few fleeting, fragile seconds.


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 No answer came.

 The silence only expanded in volumes, and with it grew the anxiety that began to bubble within her knotted stomach. Both of them held each other close, desperate for embrace, to escape into the pits of warmth from their own torturous thoughts -- but it wasn't long before this only made her feel worse. A freind she held dear to her was missing, and the boy she unknowbly cherished hid his pain from her question. How many unknowns would it take before the fae was driven off the edge!

 "...Quicksilver?" The woman spoke again to break the silence, this time moving her forehead to press against his own -- to look and search his features for the thing he didn't speak of. Izumi didn't wish to force him to speak out about his problems, but sitting here to acknowledge his pain without doing anything -- it made Fujiwara feel pushed away from something important. "Quicksilver, please. I..."

 and perhaps it was all within the emotional desperation to seek clarity ever since Reiko's dissappearence, but her dispare and confusion only became more apparent as she chocked on her own words.

 Izu moved away, gently lifting her head to seek her forepaws, and a newfound insecurity flattening her darkened ears. "I am sorry..." she let out. It wasn't normal for her to become outwardly vulnerable like that, at least, to that degree...she didn't know what was going on with herself. "I just...sometimes I feel that there are things which trouble you that I don't know of, and I feel out of the loop when I'm not able to help..."

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He tried to remain there, in the quiet and stillness of Izumi's hold, but she withdrew. He stumbled, lurching forward in the snow so that he had to brace himself and prevent himself from crumbling to his knees.

Quicksilver, trying desperately to hold himself together, had not considered how his silence might affect her. On hearing the concern and sorrow in her voice as it his name trembled on her lips, the silverwhite felt his heart skip an uncomfortable beat. Did she know? Had Reiko gone to her at once on her return, and shared with Izumi her trauma- that which he had created?

Throat dry, he swallowed. And after another beat of painful silence, he tried; “I-”

And failed.

Too afraid of the possibility that she might turn away from him, tired of his sheer lack of communication skills, he fumbled desperately for words: “I'm sorry, I... I want-”

I don't know what I want.

“I don't mean to hurt you, I...”

Inhale.

He rose his gaze, maneouvered to seek her wisteria stare with his own powder blue, even though it it killed him to see the emotion that pooled in her eyes.

Exhale.

“I want to be honest with you.”

And so he was. He shared with her how his dreams had been plagued by a dark figure with vibrant eyes, and how after all these months her significance remained a mystery. He told how swiftly and how deeply he'd fallen for someone after waking in these lands, how he'd been dying a slow death as he tried and failed countless times to find the courage to tell her. He spoke of his leaders' wedding ceremony when at last he sought closure by confessing his forbidden love, knowing with every fibre of his being that it would be unrequited.

How he'd begun to waste away in the weeks that followed, but managed to survive because someone else had shown him the will to do so. With eyes gone glassy he shared with Izumi how that individual gave him hope and purpose, how she'd taught him that there was more to his life than the being who couldn't love him back, how in trying to hold so dearly onto what was already lost he had realised that there was so much more to lose.

He told her how she, Fujiwara Izumi, had made it so that the world started to exist again, and how it existed very differently.

“She recently came back,” Quicksilver said of his wayward dove, “and told me that it felt wrong to love me, but she did so anyway. She'd decided to choose me after all.”

All the weight of his emotions became toomuch to bear then, and a sob racked his frame as he fought against the current - just to stay afloat.

“But I... I couldn't give her what she wanted because-”

I am just a wolf.

“Because we all deserve to have someone who makes us their first choice, not... not someone who wants us on their terms.”

And I am not worthy of your heart.


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 Even when she'd try to find the words to come off slowly, his own faltering lips made it feel like she'd forced something onto him that she shouldn't have. Quicksilver looked distressed, Izumi screwed up, and a small whine left her vocals in regret of that. She didn't want to drive him away with her selfishness of wanting to know what he didn't need to talk about, and as he tumbled with his words, she tumbled with her racing thoughts as if quickly finding the words to say. "It's fine. You don't need to. I'm okay" she wanted to console -- but that was a lie; she wasn't okay, and she wanted to hear.

 and that's what the crane did.

 Quicksilver began relaying every demon that plagued his troubled mind -- his dreams, his sorrows, and even his unrequited love. How in all the time where they had met up together and the cloud of melancholy so clearly hung over his head, the one she wished to crush and help him heal from, was caused by the knowledge that his love did not think of him as their own. How she'd chosen him at the last minute, but refused it all.

 and then -- right then and there -- she broke.

 Izu did not weep, and no noise left her throat as the water broke freely from their ducts, but hot tears still streamed down her warm cheeks upon hearing his words. Suprised she was by her own emotion "God, n-no...sorry" and quickly, a forpaw found her eyes to rub at them and dry the dampness in her vision -- perhaps a little too hard In frustration at such an unwanted burst of emotion to leave her eyes so suddenly. "性交, 性交, 性交!" — Fuck, fuck, fuck!

 Before, the issue was her friend's dissappearence and the confusion of another friend's lack of communication.

 Now, it was her friend's dissappearence and the realization that Quicksilver had his heart set on someone else. Fujiwara couldn't mask her distress any longer....

 These revelations of emotions couldn't have appeared at a worst time -- when she'd come out here with the mindset of seeking someone dear to her. But with everything she'd been told right now --her mind had been too clouded with a completely different emotion. Shrouded with the realization that he'd probably never even looked at her the same way she looked at him, and that their time together did not rouse the same, sickeningly sweet pang in her heart that she'd felt all this time. Because he'd always had someone else on his mind.

 Jealousy. Oh, how bitter the taste.

 "I'm upset,"

 and how disgusted Izumi was with herself for feeling it.

 "I'm u-upset, and I don't know w..why."

 Izumi had no right to be upset about that at all -- Quicksilver had been her friend, and she his -- nothing more. In a time like this where the girl needed to console and comfort the boy who clearly needed help, she was instead breaking down herself -- like an idiot -- in wishing that he'd could've saw her as so much more than a friend. But...

 "I'm being childish, sorry. I didn't mean to pull away from you...here..." and with that, she moved closer to him again -- still in the pathetic state she'd been in, and still making eye contact with the floor.

 Trying to aid with the silverdruid's pain and mask her own back up.

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Just when he felt that he might have some control of the situation by laying it all out to be heard, it instead began to spiral out of control. As Quicksilver's pastel eyes found the lavender of Izumi's, he found more emotion there than he'd expected. Tears flowed freely and spilled down her cheeks and the druid was at once encouraged to offer comfort, but these attempt to do so always seemed to go wrong for him, and the reminder of the most recent kept him rooted to the spot.

Flustered, perhaps even embarrassed, the crane swept a paw over her muzzle to try to rid the evidence of her sorrow, but it was too late. The silverwhite's tall lobes pressed back against the sleek alabaster of his nape and he whined as he dared to brave a step closer. She snapped something in an unfamiliar tongue which even frightened him a little; his tongue snaked nervously between his lips to sweep snowflakes from whiskers as he paused once more.

“I-” he wanted to say something, did not know what, so simply repeated a soft, “I'm sorry.”

His own feelings for Izumi were tentative and confused, and after Reiko's rejection he'd been reluctant to nurture them. He wanted to, despite the ache in his heart for another who hadn't wanted him until now, wished it could be simple. To yearn for the affection of them both was okay, he thought, but in was unfair of him to expect everybody to be on board with that.

Another awkward apology, unnecessary, reached his ears. Quicksilver turned his watery stare off to his left and through the trees, not knowing the right way to react or how to support her when he barely knew how to hold himself up. “I can... I can go, if...?”


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 The tears would begin to slow down then, but she wouldn't stop looking at the ground in embarrassment of what she'd so carelessly expressed. God, she was such a fucking mess. Of course this would happen -- they say first loves aren't always returned by the one you set your eyes on, and now Izumi had to learn that the hard way in knowing that her own feelings for Quicksilver were unrequited due to the existence of another she did not know.

 and oh, how she loathed the fact that his heart did not make room for her as well. She could not tell if the kind words he had spared about her being able to help thought his pain were platonic or romantic, and it was the reason she felt like he didn't feel the same. However...even if this would be her final chance to let him know, she wanted to take that chance and hold onto it for dear life. He would not leave until she was honest as well.

 So she pushed on.

 "No, stop," the girl called softly through after-sniffles, seating herself atop the snowy ground and wiping the remaining tears that left her eyes through a shuddering breath. Her head, which began to pulse from the pressure of crying so hard, sought to rest itself against the silverdruid's chest if he would allow it. She didn't want him gone as much as it looked like it -- the crane wished to feel his warmth, his heart beats, and she only hoped this would be enough to let Quicksilver acknowledge that. "I don't want you to leave, I never wanted you to leave and it is not you who I'm upset with, I just...I don't know where that came from. I am just sad is all..." A pain so terribly expressed. Izumi was one to favor her compossed use of words, and to allow her mask to crack so easily made her frustrated with herself. "--and don't apologize. It was selfish of me to become so attached when you don't feel the same way. I'm being a terrible freind to you."

 "I only wish for you to know that...I've always wanted to express my own heart to you. I just wished to do it at a more....um..."

 I mean, a situation and setting like this couldn't exactly be called "romantic", could it?

 "Appropriate time..."

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He could feel the beat of his own heart pulse in his ears as Izumi sought to press her muzzle to his chest, and despite his weakeness he reached to hold her to him. If she needed his comfort, she would have it - just as she had provided hers, however fleeting. Quicksilver's belly flipped uncomfortably and he closed his eyes, hesitantly leaned into the gesture and shifted his chin to smooth the furs of his companion's brow.

She explained that she was sad, and he scooted enough to hold her a little tighter, and the confession to follow made him suck in a short, sharp breath. Izumi. Sweet, gentle, innocent Izumi - doomed, like Reiko, in trying to love him. He gritted his fangs, for he knew that he alone was responsible for their inevitable downfall.

It was both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so deeply.

Quicksilver didn't know what else to say. He was tired of rejection, of apologies, of words. He let silence linger a moment longer.

“You deserve the world, Izumi,” he draped a trembling forelimb over her raven-kissed shoulders, pulled her tight to him as though to savour what he feared might be his last chance at connection, “and I don't... I don't know if I can give that to you.”

When he pulled back, his glassy eyes sought her own sad features, because he wanted to meet her gaze when he told her, “but I-” Quicksilver reached to touch his nose to hers, “I would like to try.”


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 To be held as such kept the coldness of their frozen surroundings away, even if it was only a temporary touch. Izumi leaned into his hold like a sickly whelp in search of warmth from the winter's wind -- and being in such a vulnerable state right now, the cranebird might as well been seen as one. It was not the most dignified of positions she'd want to be put in right now, but it wasn't as if it was around someone she couldn't trust -- so she cared not for it.

 Quicksilver; the boy who had to deal with back and forth confessions to another, now had to deal with her own. If Izumi had known in the beginning, would her feelings for him falter? Would she have been well informed enough to keep her distance from the start? What's more -- if she ever figured out it was Reiko who he harbored such complications with....how would she react, really? It was never Fujiwara's intention to confess to him this early on, ecspecially when she was under the impression that they had not been close enough to make it make sense yet. Even so, there was no questioning the tears which expelled from her eyes were because of him -- and after letting things slip out like that, the fae had no choice but to confess why.

 As Izu kept her face hidden in the pellage of his chest, she felt empty. Empty in his shakey hold, and empty upon listening to his words. At this point, she was ready to accept the fate of rejection that was soon to leak from his lips -- and after; to continue her days on as if this moment never happened. In order to hide from the pain as much as she could, she'd need to learn how to get over him.........but it seems that things wouldn't be that simple.

 "I would like to try" Came his next words, her muzzle leaving the warmth of his coat to instead feel her nose against his. Her lavender optics couldn't help but round slightly in suprise at his proclamation, as this wasn't the "rejection" she was expecting to receive at the end of his speech.

 and now it was her turn to give him an answer. At first, she didn't truly know how to respond in this situation -- between trying to hold it together and taking in what had just been said to her, Izumi needed a moment of silence to really think about a response. She would not keep him waiting forever though, since as ball-trippy confusing as things were for her right now...she knew where her heart lied -- she was not done with her confession to Quicksilver. In addition, Cheeto had been trying to type this crap for an hour and a half, and is quite pleased to know she finally figured out how to finish up her post.

 She closed her eyes, "You have already given me more than you know." and began.

 "The day I told you that you'd make a great partner for the one you let into your heart one day -- I was not joking, Quicksilver." she remembered that day, surrounded by the heights of trees and mountains alike, where they spoke of the idea of marriage and how Izumi did not believe herself one to fall for another. It was clear she was wrong about that, and now the two of them were here. "You are the kindest, most tender hearted man that I've ever had the pleasure of meeting -- so much that I knew even if you never ended up recognizing my feelings for you, as much as it might've hurt, that I wouldn't have regretted falling for you. So..."

 A sharp inhale was taken to lift the weight that fell heavy on her chest. Izu still felt jittery and nervous as hell, but it was too late to turn back now.

 "If you're willing to try," she backed her muzzle away some to look at him more clearly through glossy eyes. Then, a darkened paw was lifted to reach his face, and if he allowed, she would use it to gently prop his chin up to meet her gaze.

 "-then so am I."

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She carried on, singing his praises, and he wasn't prepared to hear it. Quicksilver gawked at Izumi with wide, sad eyes as she declared that he was easily the kindest and gentlest creature she'd ever known, and he couldn't help but believe that she saw him only through rose-tinted spectacles.

He was not the wolf she thought he was.

The sterling druid swallowed, turned his eyes downward as he fought feelings of nausea that churned in his gut. Izumi didn't let him turn from her, however - she nudged his chin upward, seemingly eager for him to meet her gaze as she confessed that she too would be willing to try.

Trying was all that he could offer, considering his poor experience in seeking romance. Quicksilver wondered if that tentative commitment from him would be enough, and he attempted a smile that didn't quite reach the powder blue of his eyes. She didn't know about Reiko, how he'd trailed into the tundra in search of her. Crossing paths with Izumi was not something he'd expected.

If this was going to work, then Quicksilver knew he'd have to be completely honest with her.

“Izumi, I...” he felt the rapid beating of his heart, could hear the intensity of its pulse in his ears, “it was Reiko, who... who couldn't love me back. And I broke her heart when she decided that she could.”

Tears glimmered in his gaze then, and he blinked, “she ran off and I just... I wanted-” His voice turned hoarse, but still he rasped: “I need to make this right.”


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 He spoke still, of the woman who'd broken his heart this time. Half expecting it to be someone he'd known from the yet visited Vanderfell claim, Izumi was not expecting who's identity the dame truly belonged to. The woman who hurt her cherished silverwhite and who'd the cranebird so blindly wished a thousand curses upon just a moment ago -- it was Reiko.

 A pang of guilt and sadness overwhelmed Izumi whole as her ink-welled ears fell flat against her skull once again. Of course it had been her. How could Fujiwara been so blind to all the signs that their acknowledgment of one another was so much more than a simple acquaintanceship? Then again, it would seem Rei never noticed it all before until the last minute -- it was nothing but a simple acquaintanceship in Izuka's eyes until those confused feelings started to come into fruition.

 The ivory dove had not only been missing, but heartbroken as well.

 "That is why I cannot find her....isn't it?" She asked the snow woven druid, releasing a huff of condensed air as her forehead collapsed against his shoulder, and the weight of this situation finally hanging heavy onto her own. Where could she have ever stood in all of this? To want Quicksilver in a situation where someone she cared for held the same desire -- it was selfish, she knew, but Izumi felt it unnatural to throw away what she'd wanted just because of this. It was unnatural, because she cannot just take away everything she'd felt for him.

 "I have been looking for Reiko everywhere since yesterday but could not find her, but now I understand why." she was hurting. Even if that meant Rei needed time to herself, Izu still worried deeply for her as she did just a moment ago -- strangely enough, knowing the reason why only deepened her anxieties.

 Izumi would find her freind, and when she did she too needed to be honest. To explain her involvement in this as well....

 "I wish to make this right as well...even if..." Izumi's words became slow, choked, but audible nonetheless. "Even if this means...that the bond me and Reiko share will become strained, I do not want to keep this from her...she is still my friend."

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Izumi came to realise the reasoning behind her Empress' absence, but this troubled Quicksilver all the more. To learn that Reiko hadn't gone home after they'd parted ways worried him, and the guilt he felt was at once intensified.

A distraction, when Izumi pressed her brow firm to his shoulder. The silverwhite swayed, having not expected the connection, but he was quick to steady himself. Quicksilver automatically wanted to reach for her, to comfort the crane, but the news he'd only just delivered was too fresh. He looked at her, touched her tentatively briefly between her ears with his muzzle, and let her remain close for as long as she needed.

He didn't like the way her tone sounded strangled, the words clearly difficult for her to speak. Quicksilver whined softly, felt a shiver of dread creep its way along his spine; “I...” disbelief dug its claws into his being, and he blinked in surprise. Was Izumi saying that she would choose to potentially abandon her friendship with Reiko to pursue a relationship with him?

Bile rose uncomfortably in his throat. He swallowed, not knowing how to handle that thought. “I... I'm sorry, I need to find her.” Even if she made it clear that she had no interest in ever seeing him again, Quicksilver needed to know that she was safe. “This was my fault, I...”

I don't want to lose her.

He did not linger. Even if it killed him, he just knew that he needed to be sure the snowflower was safe.


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