you're living in your own private idaho

for @Ozai

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There's a new boy here. She's not too upset about it, because it seems that their numbers are going to grow. With M'Jakuna's mother, herself, and now this boy, they should slowly form enough of an alliance to lay claim to this territory. If you build it, they will come, right? And what a beautiful land this is. So many trees and birds. The lake should be full of fish for easy hunting when the elk are few. With winter approaching fast, she's certain they'll need it. Especially, now, with this pup.

She approaches him casually. "M'Jakuna brought you," she starts, perhaps not the most welcoming introduction. But there's a smile in her eyes as she looks down at the child. "Are you to join our little family that we're starting here?" To be Juh'harah, as she understands it, is to be a community. She looks forward to it. For what short time she has, she wants to spend it in the company of others.

"If so, let me welcome you. I am Meresankh."
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^^

rolled 4 for perception check

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Fat.

Ozai had felt so fat that he could literally explode, which wasn’t a feeling that Ozai had thought to exist. He’d never felt full before, having only eaten to keep himself from starving to death, since he had previously been on his own.

Might as well call him Gratel, because M’Jakuna came to him in the middle of the woods and fattened the poor lad up. Perhaps if he’d been familiar with the concept, he might have been worried about being eaten.

Instead, all he was worried about was exploding. Maybe that’s why fat wolves didn’t exist.

He was in the middle of chewing on a bone when the woman approached him with her statement. Missing the gleam in her eyes, Ozai glared up at her with the arch of his brows.

What was it with this group and hard to pronounce names? He was officially going to end up giving everyone nicknames, or something.

“Does he normally bring in kids off the street without havin’ them join or something?” Ozai frowned, as though it were obvious that he had planned on joining.

^^

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"Well," Meresankh starts, idly shifting her head, "there's the possibility you might be only here for a while. Are you not also your own wolf with your own life?" She actually smiles now, as if laughing at her own statement. Then she leans back on her haunches. "Not that it's easy to survive alone, even for a grown wolf. But I find it's best to not assume."

After all, this kid could have parents somewhere. But she's not going to bring that up. It seems tactless, and perhaps be a sore point. "If that's the case, though, it seems you and I are the Firstborns of this pack. We can lord it over everyone who joins later." There's mischief in her gaze now.
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^^There was the possibility that Ozai might be the only one here for awhile, she said, and Ozai smirked with the nod of his head. The introduction to M’Jakuna and his people were enough of a culture shock for him — and well, bein’ alone for as long as Ozai had?

He didn’t know how to share, and quite frankly, he wasn’t going to. Everyone in this pack was his now, if they like it or not, Ozai decided. Even this weird adult female, who smiled at her own question. Ozai betted that she laughed at her own jokes, too.

“First born?” Ozai laughed; it sounded rich, and almost genuine; but quickly turned soft and bitter. “More like First Pity Party,” Ozai grunted, flattening his ears, tilting his head.

What the hell did it mean to ‘lord’ something over? His nose twitched, and Ozai shrugged. “Sure, kid.” He’d say, though she was very obviously older, and Ozai didn’t really know what the hell it was he had just signed up for.

Or why this female was talkin’ to him like he was mattered.

He clearly didn’t, M’Jakuna had just felt bad for him, was all. Nothin’ special about it.

“So, how do you know M'Jakuna?”

^^

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Meresankh's ears twitch with amusement. A difficult child, going through a bratty teenage phase. Oh, this will be delightful, because she's decided she's going to do everything in her power to piss him off. Or maybe make him laugh. Either or, it's easy to get young ones going. Already he's laughing, though perhaps bitterly. "It's only a pity party if you're throwing it yourself," she counters. "Are we moping instead? Personally, I've had enough sadness for multiple lifetimes."

His comment about her being a kid does make her laugh. "I'll take that as a compliment." Take it as talking about her radiant youth! Which, given she's not particularly old in this lifetime, she accepts.

"I met M'Jakuna a while ago on the mountainside. He agreed to help me find my family. I... have a feeling if I stay in one place, they'll find me. That's somewhat how things go with our family." Fate and souls were intrinsically tied with the Khalduns. Meresankh has no doubt of that. "And if I get the call to search? Well, at least I have somewhere to come home to. So what about you? Were you one of the Juh'harah of the past?"
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^^Ozai was only difficult because that’s the way the world had been towards him. That’s the only way he knew of. He knew of nothing else. Her remark on the pity party comment caused him to smirk, though: was that not how she and the others viewed him? He opened his mouth, but her remark on the sadness caused him to look at her in a different light.

He wasn’t the only one going through something, was he? His ears twitch to the sounds of her own laughter, deciding he liked holding that type of power.

“Moping sounds boring,” Ozai remarked, though he lowered his eyes and looked away at the talk of family. An uncomfortable subject that Ozai avoids speaking about. Who needs ‘em?

This strange lady did, clearly. Must be an adult thing, though Ozai would never turn out like that, he demanded, in the silence. He wasn’t ignoring her though; his ears were actively twitching to show that he was, indeed, listening - just uncomfortably so.

Instead, he looked back to her at her question. “If I am, I don’t remember it.” Ozai mused with arched brows, but not really putting too much thought into it.

After all, how could he be?

^^
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Ah, if only this one knew how the blood of the Khalduns worked. Family is the only consistent thing in Meresankh's ever-changing lives. For a Khaldun would always find its way to another Khaldun. And would it be a meeting of union and peace? Or would she be killed again? How many times has she died to her own kin? She's lost count. Too many Khalduns go mad, and she's determined to stay away from that.

(Not even when she's aware that her eyes are the wrong color and she could just take them out--)

"Moping is pretty boring," she agrees. "It solves nothing. Usually it just makes you feel worse." She ponders for a moment on his last statements. He's pretending to not listen, but he's doing a bad job of it. It reminds her of Moswen, somehow, which makes the pain in her chest hurt. Moswen... She both loves and hates him, and she hopes she doesn't come to feel the same about Ozai. Of course, it'd be hard to feel the same, not without the same history.

But his statement gives her pause. Could he be like her? She wonders if it was fate for them to find M'Jakuna, to be in this place together. She knows that he's not of her blood, though. She would have recognized him immediately, even if his memories hadn't come back right away. Or if his brain was blocking the memories. The Khalduns know each other.

But she won't suggest that they are similar souls. "That is fair," she says. "The memory can be a demon. It hides things sometimes." She shrugs. "But that means we're free to make the new pack how we'd like. So, what is one thing you've always wanted to make your home like?"
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^^Fate, destiny… a path written for him, set in stone, predecided… all things that Ozai might have believed in, if he could recall anything. But he had no recollection of anything. A clean slate with no purpose; no drive, and no motivation.

Her question gives him pause. Home.

He looked to her for a moment; hard, determined, not a challenge, per say, but deep in thought. He licked his lips, and shook his head.

“I have never put any thought into it,” he replied, slowly; carefully, in wonder if she was able to read between the lines that he gave her.

“What about you?”

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Has he never had a home before?

She thinks that's a tragic thing, though a sentiment she can relate to. With her life ever-changing, with her soul constantly shifting, it's hard to truly find a place that feels like home. She has to admit, if she would have chosen a place to live, it would be a desert oasis. She misses the Nile and its beauty. She misses the warmth of the sun. It's cold here, and while her thick fur keeps most of it out, she's quite sad to not be somewhere warmer, somewhere more beautiful.

But dwelling on the past, on the lack of its presence in the future, is the surest way to have the horror creep up. She feels it bubbling at the back of her mind, curious and dark. "My perfect home would be far from here," she says with a nostalgic sigh. "But we make due with what we can get. I think I would like a home that's full of flowers in the springtime. And a nice cozy den to rest in when it's raining or snowing."
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^^Ozai had never had a home, or not one that he could recall, and especially not one since arriving in Canis. She told him about flowers, and a den to rest in when the weather was bad, and he blinked at her.

He had never had a den of his own to settle in when the weather turned harsh, and therefore just had to deal with it. It almost made her sound entitled, if Ozai didn’t know any better. He flickered an ear, tilting his head.

“Speaking of dens.. Am I supposed to have one?” Or perhaps, he was so used to putting up with the weather, he just remained outside all the time, like a total weirdo? Seemed so, Ozai reckoned; M'Jakuna didn't seem the sort to take in a pup with promises of protection without a den.. he smirked and snorted at the thought, shaking his head.

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Architect

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Meresankh ponders. She supposed M'Jakuna would probably give Ozai a place to stay in, but perhaps they hadn't got to that part yet. So she's decided: she'll step in. With a wide grin on her face, she looks down at him. "I'm sure you're supposed to have one." Wagging her tail, she thinks of the best place to put one. There are plenty of soft hills here, with big trees. He's going to need a place to grow into. "I can help you find the perfect spot. We can dig one together, and then you'll know how to expand it or move it if you ever get the mood for it."

She gestures over at a nice bluff. "Would you like a hillside den? Or one underneath a rock or tree?" She can already see it in her head: perhaps a bit fancier than a den should be for a wolf, but she's imagining something akin to a hobbit hole. Something warm and dry, a perfect place to stash food and bones in. Unless, of course, M'Jakuna intended the boy to stay with him...
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^^Disappointment flooded him like a tsunami. He did not have a den, and Merry (that’s her name now, I don’t make the rules) was offering for them to make one, telling Ozai all that he really needed to know. They did not currently have a den for him.

Merry is smiling, wagging her tail, making the best of the situation, but Ozai still can’t get over that he doesn’t already have one. She is already going on about a hillside den, or something about a rock or a tree.

His ears flattened, and Ozai shook his head. “Sure, let me go look around and see what I find.. ” The boy said, disappointment clear in his tone as he shook his coat out, trotting off though he had no intention of actually going to look.

It was just an excuse to leave.

/exit Ozai

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If only she could explain that everyone needed to build a den for now. That the land is newly settled, and no one had a place yet. But she watches the disappointment with an ache in her heart. "Okay. Let me know," she calls after him. But something tells her that's not what he wanted to hear.

She decides, now, her best course of action would to be to find a way to cheer him up...
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