Welcome to Canis Major

a wolf and animal rpg (role-playing game)

Canis is a writing community for play-by-post (forum-based), freeform roleplay set in a fictional dream world in the intrusion fantasy genre. Most characters on Canis are wolves; many play elements are focused around wolves and canids, but the world makes room for a large variety of other animal characters such as dogs, horses, cats, bears, deer, and many, many more.

Our community is focused on flexibility, creativity, and collaboration. That boils down to a few important features:

  • There is no set activity requirement to write
  • The setting and plot are member-created and staff-supported
  • The game is continuously improved to increase fun and decrease stress

Learn more in our Rulebook!

Group Only
I Can't Love Myself


Sunrise Partly Cloudy
#1
Group Only
Vanderfell Woods
Adventurer
Paladin
08-25-2022, 07:22 PM (This post was last modified: 12-31-2022, 09:48 AM by Liutheri. Edited 2 times in total.)
Liutheri

"An imperfect talent" is it enough to get by?
It seems the peak is close, there's nothing ahead
no, no..."

@Rea @Ira and any vanderfell wolves that want in


Liutheri had been an eager puppy, like most his age. When his coming of age had arrived, even the stoic pup he was known to be could not help but seem starry-eyed and full of wonder. He had waited for that moment for most of his life. To be of use to his pack. Once he had proven himself he could payback his adopted pack for all they had done for him. Liutheri had always felt like a waste of resources. Even with the privilege of an adopted family he could still not help but feel like an outcast. His personality and appearance was different in far too many ways for him to not notice and be self-conscious about. When one of his adopted brothers, Ries, had gotten sick, it had caused his heart to become even more guarded. He had been powerless to do anything to be useful. Useful to Ries or his actual brother in an earlier time, Trygve.

But this would be different, he could become an adult now and actually be helpful, be useful. Ira would be proud of him. He wanted to protect and prevent pain for as many wolves as possible. And in a silent voice, he thought...maybe he could actually be a Vanderfell wolf. Not just an outsider who was picked up off from the side in pity. Such illogical hopes is what they all felt like, but the child could not keep them at bay. As he was given his task, to retrieve a cougar's skull in Skelmir's pass he remembered the feeling of resolve and determination that overwhelmed him. He would know it when he saw it, apparently being entangled with vines as if to be ensnared for all eternity.

With that all said and done, he had left, seeming more serious if possible. As he found himself inside the labyrinth days and nights begun to chase each other. Weeks passed and he feared he would never find it. His weaknesses screamed inside of him. The Fear the rejection, the failure, the spite. His entire value was resting on this ceremony. He endured, he remembered to look in the direction of growing moss and to leave behind markings for him to take note of. Eventually he found it, the skull. Overcome from the excitement and relief, he had yanked it from the crevice it had been wedged in. Big mistake. The sound of crunching could be heard; sudden momentum causing Liutheri to roll a little ways away. A piece of vine entangled bone in his mouth, the rest crushed and crumbled to shards. He had broken it. With a noise he didn't even know he was capable of making, he hurried over, trying with a feverish desperation to put all the pieces back together, logic be damned. He had to fix it, fix it. But all he did was make it worse, shards gave birth to more shards and his dreams had now been solidified into the broken mess before him.

Time blurred for Liutheri after that. There was no pit blacker for him to be swallowed up by than the one he had created in that moment. Overcome from grief and shame, the adolescent never returned back home, because it wasn't his home. What kind of Vanderfell wolf failed their coming of age ceremony? None. Perfection and self-esteem was Liutheri's downfall. He proceeded to lament about for months, and would have done so for even longer until a strange dream had crept into his mind one night. A dream of Vanderfell Woods wrapped up in carnage and flames. Wolves he knew and loved scattered about like dead flies. Having woken in a cold sweat his heart had wept at the dream. And Liutheri had realized...even if he was a failure, he still had a life to give to Vanderfell Woods. Maybe they wouldn't want him back, maybe they would even kill him in his sensitive mind's sense, but to protect such a sacred place...it was all he knew, all he could fathom to do with is life.

Thus here was Liutheri today, on the familiar trail up towards the summit. Each step requiring more courage than the previous. He had wanted to howl to alert his presence, but he did not have the energy. The adolescent had basically become a yearling by now, and living the life of a young loner had not been kind. His fur was ragged, dirt and scabbed wounds clumping fur together, his body was frightfully scrawny from lack of nutrients, and a limp followed due to his right shoulder taking a previous tumble. He tried not to think of what he looked liked, of how pathetic he must seem.

As time went on, he was wondering how far away was he from the summit, it shouldn't take as long as it was, but the lack of strength and hesitance made his pace slow at best. He needed a break. The malnourished wolf bent on shaky legs before laying down unceremoniously. Just a quick rest...Something was telling him not to sleep but the temptation was so sickeningly sweet. His bright eyes fought, staring ahead at nothing.
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#2
Counsellor
08-26-2022, 08:31 PM (This post was last modified: 08-27-2022, 02:05 AM by Hieronymous. Edited 1 time in total.)
Every so often he would think of the adopted whelp that Ira had surprisingly taken into their family. Where he had gone, why was he so spiteful toward the High King and if he was well wherever he was. The boy had undergone his coming of age ceremony and as far as Hieronymous was aware... had not returned. There was a lot to focus on since then, and he didn't have a nose to see if he could find the lad - and perhaps, Ira had already tried herself to seek out the boy's whereabouts... or perhaps that was against the law of their ceremony and she too was forced to sit out and await for the boy's return.

And so when the sight of a ghost laying around caught Hieronymous' eye, he couldn't help but excitedly wander up to the boy. Both smiling and glad he was here but concern stained his expression as the yearling was clearly underweight... ragged, tired, and who knows what else he had endured. What had Ira put him through? “Liutheri, where have you been?” Uncertain if his presence was welcome, he whined as he kept a respectable distance from the boy. Trying to gauge his health without invading personal space from someone who was never really a fan of the High King to begin with.

One thing was certain on the High King's face, he was just glad to see the lad again even in this state. It could be remedied. Either with Quicksilver or Reiko's aid, and some food to fill out what had gone missing these past few months.

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— Hiero has a dull sense of smell, it will affect how I play him and how he acts in threads
#3
08-27-2022, 01:53 AM
Ears began to ring like ghostly bells, his brain tingling into a mindless sense as his surroundings grew farther and farther away. Then a familiar voice broke the heavy silence, chasing off the distance that had snatched his senses. Refocusing on the presence, Liutheri found his eyes moving to his peripheral vision to see a familiar wolf with his familiar dumb smile and dumb freckles and his dumb-everything...dumb-dumb-dumb... utterly ridiculous. And yet Liutheri had never missed him more than now or felt this relived to see him. The wolf he had bullied in the past to feel better about his hardships and insecurities. His eyes glossed over from emotions he dared not convey out-loud, not wanting it to swell the other's head.

With newfound strength, he lifted his head to look up at him with a small smile, not being able to portray the stoic emotions he wanted to with his guardian parent.
"Hieronymous..." He managed to say in a raspy voice from weakness and simple lack of use. Liutheri had forgotten the sound of his own voice even, causing him to wince as he called the others name.

As he stared at the other who he had to now confess to be stronger than him, (after all he was not a ragged rug on the ground right now). It was easier to just admit defeat and let go of the ego in these moments. And because of this, Liutheri got straight to the point with the other as his lip quivered, all his awful feelings spewing out into his core and causing him to tremble. Now the tears truly did spill.

"I...I failed. I am not a Vanderfell wolf, I am not your son or your family. I am a failure but...but I can't stay away...I can't even accept an honorable defeat..What do I do?" His voice grew small and squeaky in the end due to the intense emotions as he confided into the other. He could no longer see the other through the tears that amalgamated the monochromatic wolf into a yin and yang puzzle.
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#4
Counsellor
08-27-2022, 02:05 AM
It tugged on his heartstrings to see the boy who had been so sure of himself, now broken and on the ground. Eyes so close to weeping bitter tears but held back with every ounce of strength Liutheri had left to give. It almost made the High King weep himself. Both of sorrow for the broken boy, as well as joy to seeing him return despite it all. It was safe to say that Hieronymous was the more emotional half of his and Ira's marriage. While she was stoic and strong, Hieronymous was more open to showing his emotions freely.

So when the boy's fragile dam broke, so did Hieronymous'. Two little drops of sympathetic tears ran down his face. “Is that why you were gone? Because you didn't succeed?” Oh, how horrible. To think he didn't trust Ira or Hieronymous with his failure to be guided how to succeed the next time. Though Hieronymous had to be honest... he wasn't completely certain about Ira's rituals and beliefs and how they would go about this, but he trusted Ira to not be cruel to someone so young and cast him out.

“First we will get you some food.” The poor child, when was his last meal? A bath? A good night's rest in a comfortable den guarded by patrolling wolves while he slept? “Then, we will find Ira and see what can be done, hm?” With a smile he reached out to the boy, hoping to lick away some of the tears that streamed down his face and clean him up a bit. Liutheri was not their child, but Ira had taken him and welcomed him into their family, and so Hiero had no issues with treating the child as though he were still one of his own sons.

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— Hiero has a dull sense of smell, it will affect how I play him and how he acts in threads
#5
Paladin
08-27-2022, 03:19 AM (This post was last modified: 12-31-2022, 09:50 AM by Liutheri. Edited 1 time in total.)
He wasn't sure due to his watering eyes, but he could have sworn he saw the other shedding tears as well. Liutheri then tried to stand up on wobbly stilts for legs, finding himself collapsing once more. All he could do was silently nod his head to confirm the other's first questions. He wanted to make excuses but making a web of lies to avoid the obvious scars of the situation was childish. He was brought out of such thoughts as the other spoke of care. At first Liutheri didn't understand why. He had failed, he was not strong enough for Vanderfell. He expected to be reprimanded at the very least yet Hieronymous was doing nothing but showering him with kindness and patience. He was sharing in his pain and hopes in this vulnerable moment.

A humbling action that befit the other and yet it surprised him, because he never gave this wolf a chance to be able to learn of such a kind soul that resided in him. Humanity was important for the pack, no wonder Ira had exchanged bonds with this individual. The youth had painted Hieronymous as a threat from ancient biases that no longer mattered about his original father. It was at this second in time something solidified inside Liutheri. He made a vow in this moment of time to protect this wolf with his life. This love and care was needed in the core of the pack and upon the skeleton of war that hid within each member's fangs.

Unspoken vows made were quickly pushed to the side, however, as the older mentioned Ira. Suddenly Liutheri's courage had shrunk again as he became fickle at the idea of facing his idol and original savior. Quickly he shook his head back and forth. "No, she'll be disappointed in me..." He argued weakly, as if he were a child once more caught in mischief. He could not help but feel like something so small like a pup when it involved the strong impressive Ira. The wolf he always thought he would become as strong as someday. Perhaps it was the dread that fueled him, but Liutheri tried to stand up again, this time succeeding. But his legs were weak, he needed someone to lean on.
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#6
Counsellor
08-27-2022, 03:41 AM
Just as he was oblivious to the reasons why Liutheri had hated him prior to his disappearance, something about leaving Ira which was not something he would do dead or alive. Even if his spirit left his body, he would always be watching and assisting in any way his immortal soul could. Even if she were to wed another man, he would be proud of his wife through the afterlife and only happy to have spent as much time as she had allowed him with her.

Perhaps Liue would see that some day - and unknowingly, the boy already had pushed away those bitter thoughts of the High King.

The mention of seeing Ira had made the boy shrink even more. Liutheri accepted the previous touch Hiero had given him, licking away the tears from his face and so the painted man would see it as a possible invitation to come in a little closer. To nudge the greyscale shoulder of the youngling encouragingly. “We'll do it together.” That's what fathers did after all, they guided their children and were a rock to hang on to when the child's foundation was weak; and then together build something strong to stand on.

He could see the weakness in the boy's legs and offered his shoulder to lean on to help guild them to the food caches. “I sure hope you like fish, I caught a bunch yesterday.” His way of inviting Liue to eat as much as he could stomach as soon as they got there - together, at his pace. All the while smiling brightly outwardly, but he too felt the pang of nervousness to approaching Ira in regards to the boy failing his first trial.

Surely she won't be too harsh on him?

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— Hiero has a dull sense of smell, it will affect how I play him and how he acts in threads
#7
Counsellor
08-27-2022, 08:17 AM (This post was last modified: 11-05-2022, 04:11 PM by Rea. Edited 3 times in total.)
Rea, too, had often wondered after Liutheri. He'd never been the most interactive of playmates and she'd been unsuccessful in building any real relationship with him; quietly, she felt he preferred the company of her brothers. It hadn't bothered her, not really, for she'd had plenty to occupy her young mind as they grew. When he'd dispersed for his own coming of age ceremony and hadn't returned, the mottled youth had felt safe in her assumption that he'd simply gone his own way. Off to find himself, as her mother often encouraged.

It'd been a long time since he'd crossed her mind, though she didn't worry for him. For Rea, who'd grown up in a world where fighting was forbidden and protected by parents who'd have padded her in bubble wrap if they could, had smoothly ignored all warnings they'd given her of the dangers lurking around every corner. She felt they exaggerated things to try and make her afraid of going to far, to keep her rooted to the mountain and close enough to be watched. The wilds couldn't be that bad, surely. She'd have seen it. She'd have experienced something.

Rea followed after her father, as she regularly did, so to see Liutheri after all this time definitely surprised her. She recognised his pale face and vibrant eyes, but he looked a lot smaller than she remembered. “Loofy?” Rea moved in, curious, and glanced over his rugged furs and scabbed hide. “You okay? Who you been fighting with?”


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#8
Paladin
08-28-2022, 12:48 PM (This post was last modified: 12-31-2022, 09:50 AM by Liutheri. Edited 1 time in total.)
Liutheri wanted to roll his eyes at the other as he was nudged and encouraged, he wanted to be stoic and show maturity with a cool composure. Yet a small smile was graced to the other. He was not the best at expressing the effect others had on him at times, but he hoped his actions, and even lack of words, would speak loud enough. Of how he allowed himself to lean on the other and head on towards a new path together.

Yet even Liutheri couldn't silence his voice or the happy sigh as Hieronymous spoke of food. "If you wouldn't mind..." He managed, albeit a bit of a shy and aloof response, but Liutheri viewed the situation as an inconvenience to the pack, thus it was a tricky slope to maneuver for someone so uptight like himself.

As they headed back towards the summit another joined them, Rea had trailed her father to meet them it seems. "Rea?" He was surprised how little she had grown, did that much time really pass then? Liutheri immediately wanted to argue about the nickname that somehow multiple like to call him but decided to let it go as the other got nearer to examine him. He almost wanted to slink back to try and hide from the prying eyes during this walk of shame of his, but instead he merely tensed. He had never spent much direct time with his sisters, he preferred to watch over from afar when he could, aware of the alienation but also ambitious with his goals of having another chance to protect a family, even if it wasn't his own.

As she asked about who he had fought, Liutheri had to hold in the, "myself," that he wish to emit. Which time was it that she wanted to know? The tumbles from loose stone as he wandered? The one rabbit he had pinned down, taking a moment to breath and getting scratched from a surprised voraciousness he had not expected from such prey? Perhaps the loners he would encounter during scavenging times, quickly he learned it was better to let it go and find something else. The eerie cries and stalking of cougars had led to his limp when he fell and rolled from a surprising height. Or the embarrassing time he had ran from fear at the simple malice of another? @Vera He had many dumb but honest possible answers to give but he did his best to craft an answer to encapsulate them all. It took him a moment to gather the strength for the words. "I fought the life of a loner. When you have nowhere to turn to, you must take higher risks." He said softer than he had expected. Hopefully that would satisfy her about his dumb situation which he really didn't want to dwell further upon than he already had. He suspected that would not be the case and was secretly praying for Hieronymous to usher them along faster or somehow renew his legs with vigor to book it to the top. Keeling over might be less embarrassing.
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#9
Counsellor
08-29-2022, 12:47 AM
“Never.” Of course he didn't mind. “They are yours too.” Regardless of how lost he was at one time, he was still a part of Vanderfell as far as Hieronymous was aware. Ira may have been the one to bring him into the ranks, but it would be Hieronymous who would ensure he would stay.

Rea, the ever curious girl was approached. Questioning the tired boy of what had happened to him. Which Hieronymous would give the time and platform for Liutheri to answer. Fought the life of a loner. It was a struggle. Some preferred it with its freedoms, while others struggled.

“He fought the most difficult opponent we could imagine, himself.” Your worst critique is yourself. That shadow that lurked over your shoulder whispering cruel words of doubt and hate. Demanding perfection and nothing less should a mistake naturally occur. “Rea, do you mind running ahead and fetching some food from the caches?” Perhaps having her coming along was a blessing. Liutheri didn't have to be alone, nor walk very far to get some sustenance as his sister would assist as a family should.

The faster he ate and regained strength, the faster they could rip this bandaid off about speaking with Ira. The longer they put it off, the more difficult it would be for Liutheri to follow through should his internal demons return.

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— Hiero has a dull sense of smell, it will affect how I play him and how he acts in threads
#10
Counsellor
09-18-2022, 03:53 PM (This post was last modified: 11-05-2022, 04:11 PM by Rea. Edited 1 time in total.)
She studied him quietly, the way his dirtied fur stood up messily and the dullness of eyes she remembered to be significantly brighter. Liutheri spoke her name and she blinked, instantly transported back to a time when they'd been littler and he'd looked considerably less beaten. Rea emitted a soft whine, and made a scrunched up face as confusion swept over her at his strange response. He... fought the life of a loner? Himself, apparently, as her father clarified. That was all too deep for simple-minded Rea, though she quickly snapped out of her stupor when the High King asked her to make herself useful.

“Oh,” she twitched her nose, tail-tip curling as she sought Hieronymous' mottled face, “yeah, I can... I can do that!” Seaglass eyes sought her brother's thinned face one last time before she veered away, making her way smoothly in the direction of Vanderfell's store where she'd recently stashed a tasty-looking pine marten.


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