On somebody else

Gyrfalcon only had to go a little further before she could completely unwind. As fatigued as she was, the hot springs had to be the best option to relax and let the tense muscles melt with the warm water massaging her woes away. First, they would deal with the aches in her legs and joints, then they would make sure Gyrfalcon's belly would be full and fat - hopefully, that would give her a pleasant, deep sleep tonight for all her hard work.

When they arrived to the springs Reiko turned to let Gyrfalcon into the water first.“Have you met anyone else at Vanderfell?” She would draw the conversation away from Kuhn and Valmúa for Gyrfalcon's sake. She was already stressed and angry, so for her to think about anything, anyone else was perhaps for the best. Unless she needed it, then the bird would bring it up herself.

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 The more they walked, the lower the falcon's head drooped. If she were a car then the anger would have been the gasoline and now that it was out, she was running on fumes. Fortunately, it wasn't too far and she kept pace easily enough. Once there, Reiko would allow her to step into the pools first and she did so gratefully.

 Slowly she would ease her way in and the relief and pleasure was evident on her normally frowning face. "Aaahh..." She sighed as she eased all the way in. She placed her head on a rock so that her whole body could be submerged under. Here it didn't matter what she did or didn't have, it just felt nice on her tired body. Helped get some dirt out of her coat too.

 "Yeah... I met Orlaith. You know her?" She almost forgot what it felt like to be content. Not necessarily happy but just okay and relaxed. "She led me to one of their dens and they let me eat and rest before coming back. Is that a perk of being a messenger? Free food and shelter for a night?" And, not focused on how awkward and empty --or angry-- she felt, the words flowed out.

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Instantly there was some relief that melted off of Gyrfalcon's tense body. The dirt and grime of her travels flowed into the waters and disappeared into its slow-moving current.“I do not.” Not personally know of Orlaith at least. She must have seen the woman at Ira's wedding seeing that most if not all of Vanderfell was present but a face could not be put onto the name.

“Sometimes. The better packs will offer accommodations for a safe return of the messenger.” While speaking she could continue to groom where Gyrfalcon couldn't reach herself. Behind the ears, cheeks.“Is that something that interests you? Being a messenger?” With being pleasantly surprised, perhaps it was something the tripod might be interested in to keep herself occupied with a purpose. A job that was more than just skinning pelts for dens.

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"Real big she-wolf. Gray, reddish, and cream." Not sure if it mattered much or if it would jog any memories but it was conversation.

While she lay there, she closed her eyes, allowing herself to be pampered. It was nice, to just lie here and not think of anything else beyond what they were talking about. She could feel the normal dark cloud, lurking just at the edges of her mind. She tried, wanted to ignore it on favor of not feeling terrible as she usually did.

"I think so... It felt nice to get out there and meet the other pack and be useful. I've always liked traveling and --" Running. The cloud edged closer. "And I think that'd be cool but you might have better candidates from other Shiroshikans. I'm not as fast as others are..." Not anymore.

She was slow.

Helpless

Stupid.

And--

"My pack didn't have much need for messengers." She grasped at a conversation, for the distraction. She didn't want to feel terrible, she didn't want the cloud back even as it threatened to suck her in.

She didn't want to feel empty again.
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“Mmm.” She'd hum as Gyrfalcon described the woman.“I believe I have seen of her, but know her I do not.” Just a face in the crowd with markings unique enough to be remembered in passing glances.

Gyrfalcon continued, this time spiralling back to the negative corners of her mind and the missing part of her that could not physically come back.“That is silly.” She'd nearly cut Gyrfalcon off.“I could not imagine anyone being any quicker than you were.” Rolling back to sit, she would let Gyrfalcon listen rather than focus on the grooming being done and stop briefly to speak.

“This leg of yours cripples your mind more than your body. You seem to be blind at the fact not only did you deliver the message at a fantastic pace, but came face to face with Kuhn as well and returned. You must give yourself more credit than you have.”

“Have you ever seen a sprout grow out of a fallen tree? Or a tree split in two by lightning. It regrows despite the violent setback. You too can overcome it with tenacity.”

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 She was being silly. This Reiko assured her and Gyrfalcon forced herself to listen. It was easier to do than focus on the grooming as that had stopped so that the empress could instill the importance into her mind. Even as Reiko spoke, she sought ways to refute her points. Not intentionally, her mind supplied them without any effort. The first she agreed... she felt like no matter what she did, she was upset. She was sad. Miserable. Wanted to do her job and be useful but always beat herself up about it in the end.

 Why was it like this?

 She didn't want to disappoint Reiko. She didn't want to disappoint the pack. She grit her teeth and closed her eyes as she breathed in and out in a heavy sigh. "Okay. Okay..." She opened her eyes and looked down at the steaming waters, shifting and swirling. A leaf had fallen onto the water, whether from her or somewhere else, she didn't know. It was there though and it was partially snapped in half but still floating along. "I'd love to be the messenger." She could focus on the fact that Reiko believed in her. That she couldn't just roll over.

 The thoughts lurked in the background, a storm on the horizon... but she kept it at bay by focusing on Reiko's words. Hold onto them. Look to the future. Not the past.

 "Reiko?" She looked up at the pretty white wolf. "How do you fix a crippled mind?" There was no salve for it. There was no special medicine to make the storm go away. To make the bad thoughts dissapate. How would she ever weather the storm when she felt like she was at war with herself?

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Note to myself the rest of the posts seem to be moving toward Therapist skill

---

Gyrfalcon with a little resistance accepted the offer to be Shiroshika's messenger. A task that they didn't often need, but when they did, it would be fantastic to have a reliable member who can move so swiftly. It would do the bird some good too to keep wandering. To show not only to the world she could do it, but to herself as well. That even if she was missing a part of herself, she was no less a wolf than anyone else.

The physical part of the trauma could be easily dealt with - but now was the lasting effects of the mental trauma. The depression that floated over Gyrfalcon day in and out. It would take them much longer to heal a mind, a task Reiko was willing to face together with their new messenger.

With her attention being sought, the Empress kept it on Gyrfalcon as she relaxed in the waters. “With time, patience and support.” If Gyrfalcon would allow it, Reiko would press her head against the ginger wolf's. “Right now you are your own enemy, you have to learn to be stronger than those thoughts. We can do it together.”

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 With patience the delicate white wolf dealt with the raging raptor. With peace, she would gently shoo away the storm clouds until they settled into something less destructive. The clouds remained and would no doubt come back another day to test the falcon's wings but for now, they would quiet and leave her drifting in calm winds.

 She would allow the empress to press her head against her own, soaking in the affection of a friend. Because that's what she was, a ruler but also someone that she could trust and rely upon. It might have been that she wanted to leave Shiroshika one day when she'd first gotten there but now? No. She knew that Reiko was trying her best. That though she was not the perfect ruler, she was the one that Gyrfalcon was happy to serve. No one in this world was perfect.

 With Reiko's support, with the support of the pack to help her feel like she was not useless... perhaps she could weather the storm.

 "Thank-you."

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want to end the thread here? I know it's really outdated now lol

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