'cause we're young and we're reckless

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It had taken him a while to get to this point. Tiberius had known that his visits of guarding the Empress when she was unconscious to the world were the bare minimum of his effort that he could make to her directly, 'cause it was the cowards way but also -- he had needed to be there amongst the shadows of her chambers as he hadn't been there to save her in the first place. It was the least that he could do, really, but then Reiko had started to stir and wake and Tiberius had started to guard at a further distance so that the disorientated wolf may not know that he was there. He had not spoken to her since before her attack, his own hurt having kept him at a distance from her and it wasn't like she had fought for it to be any different, so why would he put himself at risk once more?

Tiberius knew that it changed when she was attacked. He knew that despite his words, he would continue to treat her more than just his Empress 'cause she was, even if she didn't return the sentiment. Reiko had been his first friend within this new land, perhaps his first friend in... some time and even then Tiberius hadn't many of them to begin with. How could he treat her as just a Leader when he sought to ensure she was safe, protected and happy -- protective over the one he saw as a friend. A close friend, he rectified bitterly. It had hurt to realise that she hadn't thought of him the same, that to her he was likely just a brute that did his job well and that was that but...

She had been hurt. Savaged, similar to the lady Gyr but had managed to hold onto the leg that Vera had used as a chew toy.  Tiberius knew he'd not be able to stay away forever. His loyalty was one that was hard earned but once it was, it was difficult for him to shirk. He remained with Shiroshika despite the stress and the chaos because he didn't give up when things got hard. Tiberius' loyalty was thick, intense and almost suffocating -- for him. The titan had wished once that he didn't fall so far into loyalty that he couldn't just walk away but in truth, did Shiroshika deserve his abandonment?

No, he had decided, they didn't 'cause their chaos wasn't entirely self-inflicted. No, he had decided, 'cause Reiko had earned his loyalty and his affection and in turn, so did the Pack in general. Some more than others, a select few that he knew he would pick over anyone but the Pack as a whole had earned his protection and his loyalty. Tiberius would kill for each and every one of them, he would savage the world worse than the way it tried to savage them and he would do it free of guilt. It didn't matter to him if the loyalty was not returned, he had long since stopped expecting to be treated as more than muscle and skill but it had hurt still, the situation with Reiko.

It had hurt to realise that he may have been part of the reason that Reiko had come away with battle wounds from Vera. They had fought before Vera happened upon the Empress and he had thought that she had held some left over rage from that, as well as her exile from the Pack and it had spurred her attack on the little Iceling. The guilt had been strong and it waged a war on him so heavily that Tiberius had even more of a reason to steer clear of Reiko for as long as he did. That was at it's end today, he had decided with tight lips as he drew his paws towards where she would lay, his steps heavy and dragging the snow beneath his pads.

He missed his friend and fuck it if she didn't return the sentiment -- he needed to see her for himself, not just Pack business. His throat felt dry and his ears splayed back against his head as he looked every bit as uncomfortable as he felt, his raspy tongue calling her name through the echoing walls, "Reiko." Whether she would be awake to hear him would be something he would soon find out, his disfigured features twisting as he found himself hoping in one regard that she was asleep but also wishing she was awake. It had taken a lot to draw him to her chambers and he knew that given the opportunity, he'd turn tail and wait another week. ^^

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These past few days were taken to get accustomed to her new, feeble, fragile grasp on balance and become mobile once more. She'd hobble and hop her way to and from the mouth of their communal den and if she wasn't too exhausted, would try and pick some winter flowers to bring back to her den and get rid of any lingering odour of sick that lined the walls during her more... nauseous days after waking up.

She'd pick winter Jasmine for their beautiful yellow flowers and brighten up the space, something for mental health and keeping her from falling too deeply into the depression that sunk its ugly claws into her daily since the attack. Winter berries and Pieris would be carefully mashed into a messy poultice she could do with only one paw and smudged on the walls of not only her den, specifically more so in the corners she had gotten sick in, but also of the other dens that lined the blue lit ice cave to help get rid of the foul odour.

Any little flower she could find blossoming near the dens would be picked and decorate the stones, one of the few things that kept the Empress was going mad by laying around and doing absolutely nothing other than licking her wounds and crying over the pain she felt in her head still and leg. Camellia and English primrose were the flowers of today... gently laid down in a pattern that would be appeasing to the eye. With the cold of the tundra, it would help preserve their petals and blossoms a little longer.

She was working on her own den, displaying the flowers and rearranging them - getting rid of the older ones when a familiar deep voice called out with her name. The last time they had spoken at all was for River's acceptance into the pack and nothing more... so she couldn't help but something similar, business, is what brought him here today as well. Turning to face the large shadow of a man, she carefully took a seat. Only now noticing how tired she had gotten in her flower foraging after taking a seat. “Tib-riuss.” Was all she managed to say for the time being - she was beginning to grow frustrated with the garbled words she couldn't straighten out since her awakening.

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She was awake. She was awake and she was slurry in her words though Tiberius had noted that she had been busy, to a degree, with plants and flowers decorating so neatly. He swallowed, knowing he was hesitating to look at her by observing the arrangement. From the corner of his molten gaze he noticed her movement, turning to him and settling and he shifted on thick paws as he tightened his lips against his teeth as he stepped through the entrance of her den -- further than he had been since the beginning of her healing -- and drew his shoulders together in a bunched up manner.

"Meant ta be restin'," he grunted as he looked everywhere but her, knowing it was unfair and cowardly but fuck, he wasn't good at this. He wasn't good at this but he also wasn't good at seeing those he cared for, hurt. It made him angry, bursting with rage that could only be called murderous but there was little he could do regarding this rage he felt for the savagery that had befallen her. "I's uh... jus' wanted ta check in, y'know, now tha' yer awake an' shit," he didn't mention how she had been awake longer than this and he had not yet visited. If she wanted to make him uncomfortable, she'd mention it but he didn't know how much energy she had to waste on that.

Tiberius eyed the arrangement with furrowed brows, his healing ear twitching though no longer did the tip bow when it moved, for it was no longer there -- replaced by air. He wondered if he should have brought River with him for a barrier but he supposed that was too cowardly and... very much impersonal. Did it matter, though, when the Empress did not value him as a friend? "An' ah, if yah need anythin'," Tiberius added lamely, "specific. Y'know. Fer... yah arrangement," he inhaled sharply as he moved his molten gaze over the arrangement and towards the ceiling of her den before he finally settled upon her.

Instantly he winced and felt his disfigured lips twitch over his teeth, displeasure lining his rough features as he felt himself go rigid. He could recall her the day it happened, when he had answered the call that had rung out and with Vera's scent so strong in the air, Tiberius had barrelled towards the scene in a way that he hadn't ever before. To see her there, her snowy fur laden with blood -- her own, he knew, for it was unlikely Vera's own had been spilled. Reiko was not a soul who would willingly draw anothers blood but aside from that, she simply didn't have the skill. She was not a fighter of the body but better of the mind. "I..." he trailed off, almost painfully as he lowered his neck to angle his head down in defeat.

"Fuck," he snarled in annoyance to his own incompetence. Towards how he was acting now, emotion wise and how he had failed to save her. To be there to stop her from being savaged in the first place. Tiberius would have rather Vera laid her teeth and claws upon him like she had done before than have Reiko touched by the beast. "I's sorry I wasn't there," Tiberius stated, voice hollow as he inhaled deeply. "She ain't been back," he told her and without caring to whether Reiko would like to hear it or condone it, he said, "an' if she tries ta, tha minute 'er rancid paws touch down on tha snow, she's dead." Tiberius wouldn't care if Reiko would exile her similarly to how she had the white-beast in the first place, 'cause he thought that so long as he eliminated one certain threat then he had done his duty. ^^

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She waited silently, patiently for him to speak, for him to completely express what was on his mind. It wasn't as if she had other matters to attend to other than just continuously fuss with the floral arrangements or take a quick nap from tiring herself out with such a simple task. She had a hard time focussing on the details of the flowers, only knowing what they were by the smell and various colours they came in - and so she also had a difficult time with Tiberius' features. She couldn't read them through the fuzzy lenses of her pupils of different sizes.

All she could see was a shape. His voice and scent is what told her who he was, and so any details upon his features and expression had been lost to her wandering eyes that simply couldn't focus. Over the past few weeks she had gotten accustomed to it, but still she missed the days of things being clear...

Pale ears drew forward, all she had now was to listen to his words and dive into the tone that someone used to speak with her. Reiko wouldn't comment on what she needed of him, frankly it hadn't changed in the months he had been assigned as Hotaru's Samurai. All she wanted from him was to keep her daughter safe, and she had already told him that in a previous discussion.

What followed brought a different emotion. Frosty ears fell back and splayed upon her crown as azure eyes fell to the ground with his own admittance to the guilt that ate away at the giant. “Tib-rius...” She said again, this time her vocals saddened as she mulled over how to speak the words that came to her thoughts. “Yieew cannot be everywhere.” As much as they would all like that. “Ssshould not blame yoursself all the time.” Meanwhile her own brows furrowed, the fury that laid dormant in her smaller body bubbling up at the mention of Vera. The memories flooding her mind, cut off by darkness and only knowing the aftermath.

“Sshee iss dangerousss.” Not wanting for Tiberius to see the furry that burned in her azure stare, she continued to look at a random corner of her den. Focussing on the fuzzy floral decorations as if it would aid to soothe the blistering cold that clenched her heart. “If Vera isss sssseeen again, I demand her head asss prooooof of her euthanassssia.” A soft growl rumbled in her chest. A sound that was foreign to even her. “Tell all pleassee.” Her plush tail flickered from one side to the next, agitated with her own feelings and memories.

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 Tiberius thought that perhaps it would be a good idea for himself to go on a small scouting mission himself, seek out wolves without a home and see if they would like to call Shiroshika their permanent residence -- so that he may see them for himself before they stepped paw into his Tundra. That and he certainly had an eye for wolves or creatures he could make use of, so that as he could not be everywhere, he had bodies he could trust to be in his place. Soon, maybe, he thought to himself as he stood in Reiko's den. Though... it meant he would have to leave and with Reiko so vulnerable and little other to stand in his place, perhaps it wasn't such a good idea to stray too far from home. Irritation coursed through him at how stuck he felt, unable to help more than what he could and even more unable to give more to Shiroshika in the form of others. Tightlipped, the titan swallowed down his fury and instead focused on not facing Reiko with anger.

She had seen enough of that.

He wasn't a fan of looking at her currently but he knew he had to, catching her in time to see her vibrant blue gaze drift down to the stone beneath her and Tiberius felt his entire being deflate. Of all wolves to be looking so banged up and damaged, Reiko was one of the least deserving ones. He supposed that unless one was of similar nature to him, they would not understand the sense of responsibility that he felt when he was one of the most capable wolves that lined their ranks. That and it was his own nature, at his core, to be the way he was even if you looked past the sense of duty that he felt. She aimed to absolve him of his guilt yet he found himself clinging to it, his silvery brows tugging down as he eyed her own as they furrowed. 

Tiberius was no good at comfort. He tried and he failed, the concept so foreign to him that he felt like a fawn learning how to walk for the first time. The titan could not help but find his attention drawn to the next set of slurred words. Reiko had hardened, it seemed, the reality of the world settling on her shoulders after Vera had shown her that kindness did not make you exempt. She not only approved of Tiberius' desire to kill Vera but she welcomed it, demanding the beast's head to further prove it. He had wanted her hardened, he had long since thought Reiko's heart bled too much and it put her and others in danger yet he hoped that it did not stop her heart from bleeding entirely. Tiberius thought that sometimes kindness was the way forward but not to be naïve with it. Vera had ensured that Tiberius would not receive the same exile she had been given should he kill her.

He was not so certain that Reiko would do well with seeing a severed head but... perhaps it was what was needed. He nodded, "alrigh'," he'd tell them all but he knew that within Shiroshika it would likely be him that would be called to kill. He'd not blame them, in fact he would encourage it -- seeing as he likely held the most skill and experience in doing so. "As ya wish," though the behemoth did not move. He remained there, staring at the injured Empress and he suffered a sigh as he stepped forward, almost hesitantly as he eyed her. "Ya kindness ain't tha issue, yeah?" he rumbled, "don't let tha world take from ya one of ya strengths." 'Cause it didn't make you weak to be kind but she needed to couple it with intelligence, something he knew she held in abundance. "Need more wolves like yah, Icelin'," Tiberius would be one that would help to ensure such kindness was not abused again.

She likely would ensure it, too. "I wanted yah ta... be 'arder on yah allowances bu'... no' like this," never like this, he thought. She hadn't deserved it. Still, the titan could not help but approve of the newfound hardness that had settled within her -- to a degree. One had to protect themselves when no one else was there to do it and she had been right, though loathe was he to admit, that he could not be everywhere -- so she needed to guard her heart more. Better. Not fully, because Reiko was not the type but this way... perhaps it would help. Perhaps he would make it known to anyone in the Tundra that Shiroshika may be of peace and guidance but he was not afraid to paint over white with red should they decide to mess with what he had called his home.

Perhaps... there was other things that he could do, behind the scenes. Inwardly, Tiberius made a decision.^^

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Her decision was final. Vera's fate was decided as far as Reiko was concerned. She was to either be kept far away from here or brought back to her dead to make sure the woman was no longer a threat. Something in that made Tiberius sad as he somewhat backpedalled on previous conversations they had in their earlier days.

At least, that is what she saw in this new light.

Her demeanour was cold. Perhaps the concussion had done more to her than what could be seen and heard, something perhaps at an emotional level too.“Eeeet haaaas donnnnne usss n-no good.” With a mild huff she let it out with a stern beat. Frustrated by the lack of control over her words, as well as a subtle "look at what it brought us" as she dragged her broken leg out to display it better.

Other things in the pack would change as well, but those would come as her thoughts cleared and could think without emotions taking control over decision-making.“Aaeye have ch-changed. Shhhirossshhika will toooo.”

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