Welcome to Canis Major

a wolf and animal rpg (role-playing game)

Canis is a writing community for play-by-post (forum-based), freeform roleplay set in a fictional dream world in the intrusion fantasy genre. Most characters on Canis are wolves; many play elements are focused around wolves and canids, but the world makes room for a large variety of other animal characters such as dogs, horses, cats, bears, deer, and many, many more.

Our community is focused on flexibility, creativity, and collaboration. That boils down to a few important features:

  • There is no set activity requirement to write
  • The setting and plot are member-created and staff-supported
  • The game is continuously improved to increase fun and decrease stress

Learn more in our Rulebook!

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#1
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Discovery
09-12-2021, 04:17 PM (This post was last modified: 09-15-2021, 09:35 AM by Rhys. Edited 1 time in total.)
^^
Things back in Shiroshika were calming down, but the lingering chaos still hung thickly in the air. The reminder of her failure as an Empress was ever so present with Gyrfalcon's leg just simply no longer being a part of her body - the decision that had come with Vera's presence in the pack. The guilt for both their fates weighed heavy on the woman's back and she simply wanted some time away to breathe and clear her head.

Wandering all morning and all day had brought her somehow to the mountains. Watching the trees and the scenery change with the landscape, weather, and only now as she gazed up at the pillars reaching to the sky did it dawn on her just how far she had travelled since.... yesterday? The warmth of the mountains baked her back as the sun's colours washed over the hills and peaks. Though the snow and cold would always call for her, there was something soothing about the warmth of the setting sun in late summer.

It reminded her of a place before she couldn't quite put her paws on it. 

The smell that lingered in the autumn breeze told her she was near Ira's claim, now familiar with it, there was no mistaking it. The heaviness she felt only grew as she was reminded of her last meeting with Quicksilver, the ache in her chest at his admittance of his feelings of which she simply could not return with all the talks she has had with Tobias as of late...

And yet it was difficult to deny something that was seeded within her mind.

Not wanting to cause more problems than she already had, the snowy woman turned to return back to the North before her presence was missed.
^^

+1 discovery

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translator, I'm sorry if it is horrible for anyone fluent in Japanese!
#2
Discovery
09-12-2021, 04:37 PM (This post was last modified: 09-15-2021, 09:35 AM by Rhys. Edited 1 time in total.)
The trickster's pass had grown more familiar to Quicksilver in recent weeks. He had spent many a day picking his way through the mountain maze, searching and studying, marking his path each time to better find his way home. On that particular day, however, with a rare bout of confidence, the silverwhite dared to venture further and not bother leaving a metaphorical trail of breadcrumbs.

He was nervous, naturally, of losing his way and never being able to find his way back to Vanderfell's summit, but as the hours of exploration passed he felt glad to have been able to lose himself for a while.

At least, until he came face-to-face with a familiar snowflower.

Reiko seemed to be in a hurry as she rounded a bend and appeared before him, the sight of her bringing Quicksilver to an abrupt halt. He blinked down at her, surprise and dread and a myriad of other complex emotions all tangling together in the pit of his belly.

“Rei-” his voice wavered, uncertain, as each ear splayed backward. In remembering the last thing he'd foolishly told her, the druid promptly closed his mouth with a clack of fangs; what was she even doing there, so far from her frozen palace?

Because never in a million years would she have come all this way for him.



+1 discovery

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#3
Discovery
09-12-2021, 04:51 PM (This post was last modified: 09-15-2021, 09:36 AM by Rhys. Edited 2 times in total.)
^^
She had to go, quickly away from the mountain before a certain someone crossed her path - before she would cause more trouble by simply existing in this place. All she had to do was navigate around the intimating peaks that jotted out from the ground, wander around them and try to avoid finding herself within them instead and call for help.

A part of her wanted to greet Ira while she was around, same with Quicksilver despite knowing she would only hurt him further by appearing —

Well, that was until he simply appeared here. In a terrible attempt to try and go unnoticed, even if they were basically face to face, she ducked and crouched to the ground. As if trying to avoid his gaze and walk around the tall man. Mayan eyes tracing the paws on the ground to be aware of where he was without meeting his gaze, she gave a wide berth to actively give him space.
 
“Quicksilver — I —” She what? Even now her mind went blank with how to finish that sentence. To come up with some kind of excuse. Even with everything within her screaming not to look up, pale blues rose from beneath blackened lashes to meet his. “Hello.” Awkwardly she smiled, lopsided and fallen as she knew just how ridiculous she sounded.
^^

+1 discovery

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translator, I'm sorry if it is horrible for anyone fluent in Japanese!
#4
Discovery
09-12-2021, 05:13 PM
She shrunk, as though afraid, and the druid drew away. His heart skipped an uncomfortable beat to see the snowflower wither in such a manner, void of all the brightness and bubbling enthusiasm that'd so easily drawn him to her in the first place. Did I do this to you? Quicksilver mused as Reiko slunk around him, his own body shifting to follow her movements with concern in his powder blue gaze - even as he backed off to place a more comfortable distance between them both.

She glanced away, but he did not - not immediately. He held her face in his stare, taking in the contours of fine features that he hadn't expected to see ever again. His heart lurched in its eagerness to be close and he gritted his teeth to bite back words he knew he'd regret, and lashed his tail nervously between hocks that threatenedto tremble.

In the awkward silence that hung thickly around them, Quicksilver looked first over his shoulder for any suggestion that Reiko had company in pursuit of her. With no sign of her samurai from Ira and Hieronymous' wedding ceremony, his eyes sought hers again with heightened confusion. She stammered and he swallowed, unsure how to handle himself, so could do little more than offer a simple “hey.”


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#5
09-12-2021, 05:31 PM
^^
There was definitely a strained feeling in the air that hung thickly between them - it had to be her fault. The druid had spent months with this feeling lingering over him and for her this was all too new. A feeling that was completely alien to her despite her age. She was simply not versed in the tact necessary for moments like these.

A pang of guilt flooded her senses, brightening the skin on the bridge of her nose and ears as blood heated her face. For both he and Tobias in different and yet similar reasons. Tobias and she had already admitted to having feelings for one another, but nothing more had come from it - the desire to find her son was an easy distraction from that and yet...

Did she develop something for this one as well?
 
How awful.
 
What a terrible woman she was. Wicked with her wandering heart, lonely and wanting nothing more than the comfort found in the embrace of another to soothe her anxieties of the world. Remembering all their time, their talks, there were certain hints the Druid had given her and yet those breadcrumbs were left ignored, washed away in the sands of time, and it was no one's fault but hers.
 
“You seem well.” An effort was made to push away the drumming in her ears and dizzying sensation from her thoughts. “Despite our... well... last meeting.” The words squeaked by, almost choking out near the end as even with the regret of them, there was no stopping that train from falling out of her mouth.
^^
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translator, I'm sorry if it is horrible for anyone fluent in Japanese!
#6
09-12-2021, 06:38 PM
She told him he looked well, and Quicksilver pursed his lips as he considered how best to respond. I'm not, would've been the most honest answer, but he knew to admit that so bluntly would do nothing to help him patch the shattered pieces of his fragile heart. Reiko's rejection of his sweet confession had burned him in ways he wasn't sure even could heal from and, despite the suffering that'd followed, the druid continued to remind himself that it was not entirely her fault.

It wasn't anybody's fault.

Oh, how he'd longed for her to return his affections. In the days that followed his admission of love, Quicksilver had picked his way along Vanderfell outskirts and beyond with the unrealistic hope that she'd realise how strongly she felt for him, too. He'd howl mournfully in the night, longing for her to hear his very public cries and will her to seek him out. With each new day he would lose piece after piece of who he was. Quicksilver had let Reiko's rejection consume him until he began to waste away, but as those days turned to weeks the pain had begun to lessen.

His world had revolved around the snowflower for so long that he hadn't realised how terribly lonely loving her had made him feel.

“Do you...” his mouth felt dry, suddenly, as he fumbled with words, “is that...” Quicksilver swallowed the lump that swelled in his gullet, cleared the tension in his throat with a rough cough, “is that what you came here to talk about?”


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#7
09-12-2021, 07:12 PM
^^
Of course he wasn't well, it was wishful thinking. There was no imagining how he must feel after all this time, no matter how hard she would try to put herself in his paws. Was there any way to mend their friendship? Certainly there was no going back to what they had before, after all a broken plate would never look the same even with all the glue in the world - but maybe function can be brought back with some effort.

Every now and then she would think back on how to remedy things, how to ease his pain - but the end result always came to the same. Just by being near and speaking it would simply not help either of them. They had to go their separate ways and find someone new. For her it was Tobias, and Quicksilver... well, someone who would treat him well. Someone who would pick up those breadcrumbs.
 
“Not initially...” She trailed. Perhaps fate had brought her here in the end to try and fix what had been shattered, whether or not she knew how. “But —” Quickly she shot up, meeting his gaze for a moment before quickly averting it. “I have been meaning to talk. I simply was afraid...” A coward to put the right word to use. “Afraid of hurting you again, I wish to remedy things. I just... cannot figure out how.”
^^
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#8
09-12-2021, 07:29 PM (This post was last modified: 09-13-2021, 05:02 PM by Quicksilver. Edited 1 time in total.)
His sterling ears cupped forward, eager for the snowflower to respond, but when it came he felt only disappointment. They flicked backward again and his expression faltered, pale blue eyes cast aside as he turned his face away. Embarrassment warmed his cheeks, and the awkwardness of this very unexpected encounter bore so heavily on him that he considered turning away then and there.

But he couldn't walk away from Reiko, not even when he wanted to. Not in the same way she'd turned away from him.

So he listened, even though what she had to say wasn't what he wanted to hear. "I choose you," some small and desperate part of the silverwhite longed to hear her say, to which he would welcome her with open arms. He would embrace her as he'd wished to since fate willed their paths to cross...

“I...” he chanced a glance toward her. I can't help you with that, Reiko.

Quicksilver chose to remain quiet, and that silencelingered for a long and wavering moment as he contemplated the right thing to say. Was their such a thing? He'd already concluded that their friendship would not survive the confession he gave, long before he'd made up his mind to be truthful with her. He'd made peace with that realisation, and to have her return and place him so firmly in the friendzone once again felt like a great sucker punch to his gut.

“I don't understand,” he told her, knowing that this was the safe thing to say.


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#9
Discovery
09-12-2021, 08:47 PM (This post was last modified: 09-13-2021, 01:41 AM by Reiko. Edited 1 time in total.)
^^
Why was this so complicated? Why couldn't things just be black and white, an easy fix and go back to the way things were. Where they were friendly with one another and playing games without worrying of overlapping feelings. Although that wish was selfish as Reiko was the only one to have lived in that bliss for however brief it was, she had that to hold on to while Quicksilver... well, he was always in this space.

They danced around the subject, about what to do in the moment. Of course Quicksilver didn't have a way to fix their broken friendship, no matter how much she wished it.

Even if she knew about what he wanted now, and ever since day one - could she have the heart to do that to someone else? To rip out Tobias' heart just to mend that of Quicksilver... it felt like an impossible task. Stuck between a rock and hard place and there was no pleasing everyone in this situation. 
 
“Me neither.” She shrank further into the ground, almost hoping to melt away with the sand and fly away with the breeze within the leaves and trees that surrounded the stone carvings. “I wish you had told me sooner than that day.” Would things have been different? Possibly, at least she wouldn't have Tobias too. Never in a million years would she have guessed a position like this would come on her path. “On the mountain with the fluttering banners —” For a moment a smile washed over her lips, thinking back to that silly day - how she even encouraged him to tell the woman his feelings. Which now she was certain who that was.
 
“But — No matter what I do now, someone will be hurt.”
^^
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#10
09-12-2021, 09:11 PM
Made all the more puzzled by her confession that she too did not understand, Quicksilver wallowed in confusion and self-pity. Why, he mused, do I do this to myself? There, in that moment, he had agency - he could choose to walk away or to feel the hurt. Why do I choose to hurt?

He thought briefly to all those he had ever loved: the faces he could remember only faintly but enough to know that they'd been important to him. He considered all the wolves he'd let close enough to claim some small part of him.

His mind lingered on Reiko, who'd come along and taken what precious little he had left.

The dove went on to tell him she wished he'd spoken sooner of his love, and he remembered her mention of that when at last he had. How could she have expected it to be that simple? His words were not made of magic and he firmly believed that there was not a single thing in the world he could've said to prompt the type of affection he craved from her. Quicksilver longed only for what was real - a spark lit not by sweet nothings.

Was she telling him that she did feel something? Confusion swam in the druid's eyes and his brow furrowed, hope and frustration and sorrow and everything all at once tightening the grip around his fragile heart.

“I would've fought the world for our love, Reiko,” he said softly, “but I... I will not fight you to love me.”


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#11
Discovery
09-13-2021, 01:28 AM (This post was last modified: 09-13-2021, 01:41 AM by Reiko. Edited 2 times in total.)
^^
Where were the days were things were easy and carefree? Long gone and yet she held onto them oh so dearly. The days where she could pick flowers with her mother, play with her father and the other children of the pack. The heartache that came with adulthood was never something she imagined would be a problem, other than the loss of her parents and birth pack - that alone seemed like the worst life could throw at them.

But this, although was not comparable... was complicated.

If only she could chase butterflies again in the field of flowers instead.

“You do not have to fight for it Quicksilver.” What was she saying? The butterflies of her memories fluttered around nervously in her belly - for what? She knew his feelings, there wasn't much to lose but still. Would what she had to say only deepen his wounds? A part of her wanted to wander into the stone pillars and get lost within them instead of whatever was happening here. “I would have never guessed I was the woman you spoke of fondly...”

How could she comfort him? Show him she was telling the truth? Her face burned as she spoke, her eyes could barely focus on his as if they constantly drifted away to the side - worried of his expression.
 
“But with Tobias professing before Ira's wedding —” She stammered, wanting to shut up but the words kept tumbling out. Maybe if she kept talking something would make sense, something could salvage at least the friendship! “It feels wrong to love you, and yet, I cannot help it.” Tobias had even expressed worry for becoming Emperor. Did Quicksilver feel the same too, is that why he withheld his feelings until Ira's wedding? 
^^
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translator, I'm sorry if it is horrible for anyone fluent in Japanese!
#12
09-13-2021, 09:30 AM (This post was last modified: 09-13-2021, 05:08 PM by Quicksilver. Edited 2 times in total.)
There had been so many things preventing Quicksilver from sharing his feelings with her. It'd been early days when first he realised how strongly his heart beat for Reiko, the pair of them only newly acquainted. He'd been a stranger not only to her, but to himself. And he was so certain she'd already been mated! To stand before her that day and admit how he could think of no one else, on the mountain where the coloured flags swayed in the wind...

He hadn't been ready. It didn't feel right.

And on that most vulnerable night when at last he spoke of how fiercely he loved her, she had told him how she was "terribly sorry". Quicksilver remembered the rejection vividly, would never forget how it tore viciously at his soul. How he had suffered for it through every waking hour since. Why now did the dove come to him as he tried so hard to mend himself, swaying him with confused professions of a tentative fondness when he'd so craved it long before?

When she'd already vowed herself to another?

Some tiny part of him was thrilled to hear it, urged him to sweep forward and invite her close. He wanted to fit her brow to the hollow of his throat and hold her tight, pepper a kiss to the feathered base of a Winterwhite lobe, tell her that everything would be okay. He had imagined that embrace for so long, but all his broken pieces screamed resistance, rooted his paws to the ground beneath them.

It pained him to see her so torn, so conflicted, and know that it was his doing. She had not reached for him on Vanderfell, when he sat and fought with every fibre of his being to stay afloat. Quicksilver believed she hadn't tried to comfort him then because there was no feeling in her for him, nothing that she could return. He was not worth the consideration, the thought, the effort.

“If it...” his voice hitched, made thick by emotion, “if it feels wrong to love me, then-” then you don't “then you should not.”

He deserved better than that. For how long could he go on dragging his body through this yawning, yearning world in search of a glimpse of what could've been? His powder blue eyes, glistening with the threat of overflowing emotion, sought her own solemn blue gaze. Oh, how unfair it was - to him, to her, to the man she'd chosen before! Guilt reared up like a great wave within him.

And what of Izumi, he wondered? The memory of her smile nudged its way unexpectedly into his mind's eye. The crane had supported him in ways that he knew he'd never be able to thank her for, ways she likely didn't even realise. With her he'd begun to feel something new, something cautious - void of the raw, unbridled passion he felt for Reiko, but... something. Whatever that was, his experience made him afraid to explore the potential of it. Quicksilver released a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding.

Recent days had been kinder to him, thanks to Izumi, and in that moment - in the safety of his own mind - the druid recognised how it was surely the budding of new and very different love that'd come to bear the loss of what he'd held before.


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#13
09-13-2021, 11:59 AM
^^
What could she do? With every fibre of her being she wanted to ensure that everyone would be happy. That everything would turn out just right for all individuals involved - and what of Izumi? Had she known of them getting close to one another, it would only make things even more complicated. More troublesome with her internal turmoil.

The fact was that Reiko was not wise enough to do the right thing here, not experienced enough nor did she have a mother figure to ask for advice for situations such as this even if the answer was obvious to many others.

A part of her wished he had said nothing if not anything sooner than Quicksilver had. At least then she could have lived in selfish bliss that ignorance had brought. It simply wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to put such a burden on her when the weight of everything else was so heavy - the well being of the pack, her missing son.

And so when he spoke again she shuttered. Spindly legs quaked as a bitter taste bubbled up in the back of her throat, the only temporary remedy was to swallow it back despite the stinging it brought. The things she wished to say in return were childish and horrible, selfish in their very nature of self-preservation; and yet she said nothing. Holding her mouth shut tightly, all the woman could do in response was force a smile even if water pricked her eyes.

She couldn't face either man ever again. There was no shaking the reality that she had betrayed them both.

Unable to keep face any longer, the little Empress turned to wander off again. Somewhere, anywhere but here, anywhere but home for a little while longer to see if she could catch that fleeting bliss once more.
^^
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translator, I'm sorry if it is horrible for anyone fluent in Japanese!
#14
Discovery
09-13-2021, 12:18 PM (This post was last modified: 09-13-2021, 12:18 PM by Quicksilver.)
She, too, had nothing left to say. Quicksilver felt nausea plague his belly and dread settle heavily in his gut. The sudden desire to chuck his stomach contents paled him and he swayed on the spot, staggered, and swiftly steadied himself to keep from dropping to his knees.

Light-headed, the world around him swam and for a beat he thought he might even pass out. Reiko's solemn expression blurred, but he could see how her lovely eyes glimmered with the threat of tears. He inhaled sharply, tasted the scent of lavender and frost that now troubled him so, and at last he braved a step forward.

Don't cry, he willed himself to say, but the plea clung to his mouth like cotton, I'm sorry.

The sniwflower turned away and he stumbled uselessly after her, alabaster paws like a lead weight, and he called out, “Reiko, wait!”

Please...


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#15
09-13-2021, 12:44 PM (This post was last modified: 09-13-2021, 07:15 PM by Reiko. Edited 1 time in total.)
^^
What could he possibly want now? A part of the snowflower was annoyed with his plead, and despite wanting to keep moving forward and never turning back to see these mountains again other than to call for Ira to speak of pack business - she stood still. The mountain breeze filling her senses with a soothing fresh scent that was unlike the frigid refreshing odour of the North. This breeze has earthy tones and late summer flowers within it.

And Quicksilver.

She should hold herself high, head proudly above her shoulders and strong stance despite anything that imposed her. She was certain that’s what Ira would tell her - and yet she hung low, weak, uncertain and cowardly. Too afraid to turn and face Quicksilver again she simply stood there as if listening to orders despite her rank in a different land.

Did he think she could conjure up some kind of miracle? That she could just toss Tobias aside for his feelings? Did he really think such a thing would be easy or right? Fair? If the tables were turned…

The dizzying feeling overtook her and there was no stopping the need to take a seat. Leaning on the dark grey stones of the pass for some kind of support. Still with her back turned, Reiko only fought the need to weep for the sake of keeping what little dignity she had left. “I do not know what you want from me Quicksilver.”
^^
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[Image: df686pz-0c7a3fc2-8eca-4da1-8429-49fa07fd3bab.png]
translator, I'm sorry if it is horrible for anyone fluent in Japanese!
#16
09-13-2021, 01:43 PM (This post was last modified: 09-13-2021, 02:18 PM by Quicksilver. Edited 1 time in total.)
He saw the tension that wrought its way into the small of her back, the way in which she hunched her shoulders against the world. He felt it too - the anxiety, the fear, the bitterness, the shattering of what he might have left of himself. With a muscle tightening in his jaw he dared to step in close alongside the snowflower, moved to brush platinum furs against feathered snow white. Despite all that'd transpired between them and all that'd driven them apart, Quicksilver was not some monster who would leave her to crumble.

He'd tried to resent her for the unrequited love. It would've been easier to turn blame on her, to accuse her of never caring for him as a friend. But to do so would've gone against all the good in the world that he wanted to believe in; there was not a bad bone in his body.

He loved her. Wholly, completely, endlessly! Why couldn't she have seen that!? Just as he tried and tried and tried to let go, just as he began to entertain the idea of exploring affection with someone else, she turned up unannounced on his doorstep to tell him that she loved him back but didn't want to!? And she had the audacity to stand there and tell him she didn't know what he wanted?

Frustration rose within him at the bluntness of her words, and it terrified him. A more appropriate question would've been what did she want from him? “For so long I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid. I was afraid you'd think I was crazy! That I was a fool in love with a girl I just met. I tried,” he answered, “and my last attempt to, when I followed you to Tsukiishi, it... it nearly killed me.”

He maneouvered around her, urging her to lift her gaze and look at him, to see the scars and the sorrow he bore because his whole world had revolved around her and her alone. His obsession with her was unhealthy, he could see that now. “I'm sorry, for the poor timing and the inconvenience, and for hurting you, but I couldn't tiptoe around the truth anymore. I couldn't keep lying to myself, lying to you, and... and pretending to be happy for you being with someone else when-”

when I wanted you to choose me instead.

Quicksilver cut himself short, knowing how selfish he sounded, knowing that all the pleading and arguing and screaming into the wind would do neither of them any good. He inhaled shakily, and tentatively reached to try and caress the silken furs of her cheek with the delicate touch of his nose.

“If this is to be my heartache, Reiko,” he whispered for her, “then let it be mine to endure.”


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#17
09-13-2021, 02:20 PM (This post was last modified: 09-13-2021, 07:16 PM by Reiko. Edited 2 times in total.)
^^
Every single one of her insecurities blossomed into the ugly bed of flowers it was. Their smell was nose curling, petals thick and prickly with stems as rigid as a tree trunks. She recoiled at them all, the unearthing of the gremlins that clawed at her spirit that she so desperately tried to hide.

Even with his touch if she could melt into the stone her shoulder connected to she would have. Anything to get away. The scars he showed her, even if she had wished to keep her eyes in the horizon had followed to where he was speaking of. They were hers, inside and out. She had caused such pain, and tears flowed without a barrier to stop them.

“Why would you continue to hurt for a vile woman like myself?” she couldn’t understand. If he had hurt so much, for so long, then why doesn’t he hate her instead? Turn away from her presence and let the woman wallow in the troubles she had caused.

Oh if she knew about Izumi! She would thrust the two together so they may live in bliss with one another!

Instead she yearned for that comfort he brought. Even with the tears rolling down her cheeks she sought to close the distance between them, away from the cold unfeeling rock and into his warmth.

An insecure child, that’s all she was. Afraid of the dark and reaching for a tender hand to ward off the monsters.

“Even — if we were…” the sentence cut short as the words choked in her throat. “How could you trust me after all this?” she was better off alone - everyone was better off without a woman who couldn’t make such a simple decision.

Certainly there was someone better out there for both Tobias and Quicksilver.
^^
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translator, I'm sorry if it is horrible for anyone fluent in Japanese!
#18
09-13-2021, 02:57 PM (This post was last modified: 09-13-2021, 04:59 PM by Quicksilver. Edited 1 time in total.)
The floodgates opened and hot tears tumbled from her azure eyes, streaking down each pallid cheek. With a soft whine Quicksilver dared to lap at the dampness of her fur and tasted the salt of her sorrow, her... regret? He swallowed, aware of the nausea that began to creep its way into his esophagus once more, and he closed his eyes to try still the relentless whirlwind of emotion that rattled in his head.

She spoke negatively of herself, dubbed herself "vile" and he didn't understand. It wasn't Reiko's fault that she'd picked someone else, it wasn't her fault that her rejection had pained him so terribly. It wasn't anyone's fault that that these feelings had come so intensely and so suddenly.

For so long, Quicksilver had wanted to give her the world. He'd wanted to vow to her and her alone, show her the beauty of his love. He still could, he felt, but... it wouldn't be the same. They both knew they could never truly recover what was lost, that they would only keep losing more of themselves in the process.

He could do nothing but hold her. The silverwhite draped a slender forelimb over Reiko's fine shoulders and pulled her in close, let her sink into the comfort of an embrace that they would unlikely ever experience again. Quicksilver pushed his muzzle among the tresses of the snowflower's nape and drank deep her scent, eager to prolong the moment for as long as she would allow.

How could he trust her, she wondered out loud, and he didn't have an answer. Things had been made too complicated for him to know.

“Do you...” he stalled, fearful of her answer, but he had to know - “do you love him?”


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#19
09-13-2021, 05:51 PM (This post was last modified: 09-13-2021, 07:15 PM by Reiko. Edited 1 time in total.)
^^
Even if it aches to be so near, the warmth was comforting in a moment of panic. Perhaps he felt the same way, or was simply being kind for the sake of an alliance - at this point she couldn’t be certain of anything.

One thing was for sure, she couldn’t promise anything. Not to return the same unbridled love that he felt for her, not that this too would have its own conséquences down the road. And she couldn’t help but think with eyes owlish staring at the ground, shaking, quivering at the thought that dredged itself up from the depths it was buried within.

It’s happening again.

Similar situation, different players, preferably - most likely - a different outcome and yet still the memories flooded back from a time before Hotaru and Haruki were born. It struck fear in her core and a hatred, a hatred that she still hasn’t learned a lesson by now. An event that left two dead, and in a life before this place… she too had perished. Was history simply fated to repeat itself? Even if the two men were far kinder than the man who called himself her husband but over a year ago. There was no shaking that dread.

Was it her?

Does she love him?

The question brought some sanity back to her spiral, a little gasp for air as the woman didn’t realize she was holding it in for so long. “I barely know Tobias…” and the same could be said for Quicksilver. Neither of them knew enough of the other to truly say they “loved” anyone. But she can learn, and grow - the matter was with who.

“We have met not long after you and I, and we have spoken not much more either.” and so this is where the crossroads began. But her answer was painfully unclear. It wasn't a no, and it wasn't a yes. She could love him, she could love either man - but there was a hill to climb. “No matter what I do, someone will be hurt.” and so no decision was made. As if the perpetual limbo she sat in would somehow, naively, save them all from heartache. “And what of Ira? What would she think of all this?”
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#20
09-13-2021, 09:07 PM (This post was last modified: 09-13-2021, 10:50 PM by Quicksilver. Edited 1 time in total.)
When she let herself relax, Quicksilver released his hold of her. The silverwhite drew back a little, eager to look upon her face again and assure himself that she was alright. His proximity, he felt, would not help either of them, so he placed an appropriate distance between them following her vague answer to his question.

Reiko was conflicted, clearly. Torn between him and the dark, handsome samurai who'd accompanied her to Ira and Hiero's wedding - the first to admit his love for her. The druid felt sick as he recalled the memory of how the snowflower smiled for Tobias that evening and how she looked at him, half-lidded, in a way he'd wished she would regard him. He sat in silence as his stomach churned, hating that his own confession had been enough to make her question whatever affection she'd nurtured for the third corner of this awkward and messy triangle.

Square, rather, if he were to include Izumi in the chaos of his love life. A new type of anxiety pulled his pastel gaze downward as he thought guiltily of the crane and the fondness he'd come to feel for her. Izumi had been so kind to him, so gentle and so patient; he couldn't bear to drag her under the current of his misery, but he wanted to be honest with her, too.

“I think...” that you deserve the type of love you don't need to question, “that you need to decide what it is that you want.”

Not him, not Tobias, not a single other soul on the planet.

Her.

His smile was sad and his powder gaze hollow as he looked up to seek the pallid she-wolf's features again. Quicksilver, too, had some soul searching to carry out - and he was dreading it.

Reiko's mention of Ira came as a surprise, and the sterling medic promptly closed his mouth. His leader had been the first, the only wolf he'd entrusted with knowledge of the delicate feelings harboured for the little Empress. As far as he knew the information had been safe with her and had not passed her lips to the ears of any other; he trusted her. But why did it matter to Reiko what she thought of their predicament? Perhaps they were closer than he realised.

Quicksilver would not dare speak of that day when his Queen had come to retrieve him. It had been a private conversation that Reiko didn't need to k ow of, one made by a desperate man with conflicted feelings. He'd heeded Ira's advice to make peace with his decision for as long as he'd been able, but...

Things never really went to plan, did they?

“I'm not sure,” he lied, and it tasted bitter on his tongue. He sighed, having been made exhausted by this very unexpected and stressful discussion, and he lingered with wavering uncertainty over where they were supposed to go from there.


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#21
09-13-2021, 09:45 PM
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The warmth faded and there she sat feeling exposed again - for their own good of course, she understood even if it was comforting to not feel so alone in a moment like this.

Decide on what she wanted? There were many things she wanted; but to pick between two individuals was not currently on that list. She wanted her son, for peace to fall in the realms within the Tundra and no lives lost for the sake of staking claim on land and prey, for her daughter to be safe, happy - for Gyrfalcon to find tranquility in the loss of her leg.

But lover? A husband to help raise her children, to give her more to raise like the little princes and princesses they were born to be - anything more than that seemed far too complicated. “I —” Eyes wandered the ground still, focussing on her own shuffling feet as if it would be a good distraction.

“I would like —” Retreating into her shoulders as they rose high above her head. Tucking in her chin tightly to her chest, she swallowed the hard, slimy lump in her throat. “I would like you.” Is that what he wanted to hear? Or did it just drive the knife in deeper? The uncertainties just simply never ended as they piled on like dirty clothes.

Unable to keep her face hidden for much longer, she needed to see his reaction. Flickering blue eyes to the side, never changing the direction of her head she peeked over to read his expression. If she should rejoice and let some of the stress melt off her bones - or flee and never return for a mistake she could not take back now.
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#22
Discovery
09-13-2021, 10:15 PM (This post was last modified: 09-13-2021, 10:18 PM by Quicksilver. Edited 1 time in total.)
He didn't know what to expect from Reiko as she sat there, body hunched to appear smaller than usual and fumbling with her words. All of the joy and enthusiasm seemed to have been drained from her, so much that only the shell remained. He looked quietly upon her, unnerved by her drastic change in demeanour and guilty in knowing that he alone was responsible for such uncertainty.

"I would like you."

His tongue felt fat in his mouth, and with a sharp inhale of surprise he pushed it firm to the space between his upper molars. For how many months had he longed for those words from Reiko's maw? Enough to bring him to ruin. All those precious little moments spent with her flashed to life in his mind, and all the heartache to accompany them. It was Quicksilver's turn to face the weight of his conflict then, and he steeled against the impact with eyes squeezed shut and fangs gritted as the wave came hurtling right fir him.

When he opened his gaze, he saw her peek shyly - fearfully - up into his face. For a long, painful pause he could do little but stare right back.

“No,” he told her, not unkindly, as he gathered to his paws. This was too much, too soon, too late! “I don't-”

This decision was not one she could make on the spot. She could regret the wasted opportunity with Tobias, resent him for swaying her decision. He wasn't ready or willing to shoulder that blame! “A few minutes ago, you said it felt wrong to care about me.” He lashed his tail, limbs shaking beneath the intensity of his overwhelming emotion, and he fought the desire to reach out and press his lips to her brow. “Please, just...” go home, Reiko, go and be happy, forget that I exist- “you need to have this conversation with... with him.”


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#23
09-13-2021, 10:25 PM
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It was a sliver of hope that he would be pleased - she watched while again holding that same breath, and just as quickly - it faded. Crushed. That same bitter, sour taste bubbling up in the back of her throat. This time she did not weep, not how. Holding the sting back as pale yes glittered with pink filling the whites of her eyes -

It was her turn now to feel the pain, the rejection, the dejection.

And she was at a loss. Only managing to do what she knew how as if on autopilot, to force a smile even if it hurt and turn to leave again. Heading off without crossing paths with Quicksilver or tossing a final glance his way; everything to avoid this, even if it meant taking a massive detour home. This time she would not stop, speak, even if willed to.

Where was she off to? Away she supposed, to collect herself before going back home. Far West, down the mountain and eventually circle back once she had a steady grip on herself again.

Next time - she would simply send a messenger if something had to be shared with the High Queen.
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Exit!

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#24
09-14-2021, 08:56 AM
His turn, now, to reject her - but there was no satisfaction in him to do so. Quicksilver could see how it rocked the snowflower, how she looked at him with a sorrow comparable to his own and still force a smile. It tugged at the corner of her maw but didn't quite reach her eyes, still glistening from earlier tears or the suggestion of more to come.

He didn't know. He didn't know what to do, but guilt pressed firmly on already bowed shoulders. Everything within him screamed, urged him to reach for her again, to hold her close so that she may hear the shattering of his already bruised, broken heart and know that she was not alone.

Reiko did not stay long enough for the druid to find his confidence, as she withdrew entirely. She veered away to depart wordlessly, defeat in her stride, and for a long and painful moment he willed himself to go. Go after her! Quicksilver whined, stumbled forward a few steps, her name lost to the breeze.

But she did not answer. She did not look back.

He stopped, feeling the prick of emotion in his own eyes and, as she disappeared into the maze with the dimming light of a setting sun at her back, his voice rose mournfully into the evening - a low howl meant just for her, a smoky apology.

If this is to be my heartache, his breath hitched as he sank to his haunches and hung his head, then let it be mine to endure.

Permit me to feel it in its entirety.

Don't tell me how much of you I am allowed to love.


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